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darcydoll
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Location: Minnesota
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Default Dec 01, 2014 at 04:10 AM
  #1
Hello,

I am troubled by the fantasies I have been having since I was young (around 13 or so) regarding sexual masochism. I found the description below from this website and it hits home regarding what usually triggers my orgasms.

Sexual Masochism:

“Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving the act (real, not simulated) of being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.

The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.”
[/I]

I have never acted on these fantasies. The few times I have tried getting rough in the bedroom make me NOT want to act out these fantasies. My question is, why does regular sex not turn me on? Sometimes it does online, but when I am with my boyfriend, I cannot orgasm. I can get turned on to the point where I get wet but never to the extent as when I fantasize about sexual masochism.

Should I see a therapist about this?
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Default Dec 01, 2014 at 08:16 PM
  #2
hi Darcydoll, welcome to PC. Sorry to hear you are feeling anxiety about fantasies and performance.

Seeing a T is like having a rudder on a boat. It helps you steer so you are not drifting in the wind. It can uncover the root of the problem. Having a t is not a quick fix. Many insurance plans cover up to 26 visits a year with variable copays. Check with your insurer.

What a friend told me helped her was to deepen her relationship with her boyfriend and the level of trust so that the person she is with is much more than a sexual partner, but a friend and close companion like having times where you share hugging without intent to have sex, gentle touching of arms or back or face, and just looking into each other's eye. Yoga trains this kind of alive presence. If two people practice together it can bring them closer. Face or back massage can be a way to open up the energy with the partner if the partner can suspend their impulse to have sex and just go with the flow.

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