sexuality

I'm confused.
Had a talk with my son's therapist.
I told him that son gets very angry with me when my tummy skin shows. He said it's understandable, as my son is in puberty and my skin showing is a turn-on and son is saying it's gross in order to distance himself from the arousal.
It makes no sense to me. I think this therapist doesn't know what he's talking about...
I also said to t that my dd changes clothes in the living room and I never thought much of it. So t said it's understandable this would enrage my son as well, and that I should tell my dd to change in her bedroom.
My son is 12 and it doesn't make sense to me that at such a young age he is being aroused by females naked skins.
He asked if I have brothers. I said I have a brother but I don't see him as a sexual being.
Funny how I see the average Joe on the street as a sexual being but not my own adult bro.

I got home from our meeting and was thinking about my own attraction to men, or rather lack-of-attraction to men. The image of a naked man grosses me out.
Does the average female get turned on by the male body? I don't. Does that mean I'm lesbian?

All these thoughts. Sigh.

Hello..... Your 12 year old son is a male and in the middle of puberty so YES - he will as a male be turned on by visual stimulation, even at this young age - it just comes with the territory of having testosterone in his body.

And - IMO - I would say that your son is upset about you showing skin not because he is attracted to you, but rather he is upset to how his friends may see you - since you are not their mother..... and YES young boys even at the young tender age of twelve do indeed talk about females and how hot they are (mothers included).

LoVe,
Rhapsody - (mother of 2 boys - 22 & 17)

Rhapsody said what I was going to say, only better.

12-year-old boys are most definitely thinking about sex, and even younger. But I truly doubt he finds his mother's stomach a turn-on, but rather he doesn't want his mother dressing provocatively. Even if he's the only one who sees, he doesn't want to think of his mom as being a sexual being, a person who desires sex.

As for your concerns over your attraction, I can't say whether you're a lesbian or not. I absolutely get aroused by some male bodies. Most women do, but most women aren't attracted to all male bodies. Some women like thin men, some like fat men, some (like me) like a man with muscles...it depends on the woman. But just because you don't find the male body in general appealing doesn't necessarily mean you're a lesbian.

Do you find women's bodies sexually appealing? Do you fantasize about having sex with them? That would be a better clue. Do you have any sex drive at all? If not, you may be asexual. A lack of sex drive can be due to something psychological and/or physical, and may be treated and possibly cured, but I'm not saying that you're having that problem...or any.

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withit said:
Does the average female get turned on by the male body? I don't. Does that mean I'm lesbian?

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WOW!! - until Maven answered this question for you I had totally missed - - I guess I was thinking more about the young boy thing..... having gone through that same issue with my own sons.

Back to the question at hand......
NO - seeing the male body and not being turned on by it physically does not mean that you are gay, for many females are more emotionally based when it comes to sex than the visual turn on thing of the eyes that is better acquainted with the male sex..... I do beleive I read some where that only about 25% of females are visually stimulated like our male counter parts are - and BOY! - I am glad that I am one of those few 25%..... for just one peek at my husband behind (his curve & muscle) gets my blood a boiling - and I am ready to jump his bones - .

BTW - You can be straight and still find the female form attractive and even sexually stirring at times with out being gay..... I think it is when you prefer to be with a female over a male (as a partner / mate) that one might need to question their own sexuality. (good luck)

> > > > > > > > > > > > Its All Good.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Thanks all for your replies!
To clarify, I do not dress provocatively AT ALL! It's just that when I'm doing stuff around the house such as reaching for the above-the-sink cabinet my t-shirt will ride up. That's when my son will say stuff like, 'where did you get that ugly shirt?!' And I've been wearing it for a few years and he hasn't said a word about it until now....

So anyone living with an adolescent/teenage boy would need to be careful about showing skin....?

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withit said:
So anyone living with an adolescent/teenage boy would need to be careful about showing skin....?

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No - not necessarily..... it depends on the individual and how they personally feel on the matter.

BUT - if you have a child that is making negative comments about it to you then take it as a signal that they are basically saying - STOP!! DON'T!! (I don't like others thinking of MY MOM in a sexual way) - it bothers ME.

AND..... keep in mind that some of the talk between young boys at this age is about doing the horizontal mumbo with the females they think are hot / sexy - and your son does want that said toward his dear loving MOTHER.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Commenting on the "ugly shirt" could also, in my opinion, mean he's "disappointed" because his mother is older and isn't dressing to be sexy, etc. He's "noticing" all women and comparing them and just now seeing/caring what you wear and how you look as compared to his friend's mom's, etc.

I don't think women usually do visual turn ons like men; we're more thoughtful. That the average man in the street doesn't turn you on, don't think it does any woman (it doesn't me, either :-) However, enjoying the "look"/beauty of a man or a woman doesn't affect your sexual preference, I don't think. It's possible to be heterosexual or homosexual and like the look of the opposite or same body as one's own. A good looking woman is a good looking woman; doesn't mean one is lesbian. Not enjoying any of the men you see does not mean you're lesbian either, just that you don't enjoy what you see :-) Sexual preference and what "turns one on" is too broad a spectrum as well as being idiosyncratic to make "rules" about.

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withit said:
Does the average female get turned on by the male body? I don't. Does that mean I'm lesbian?

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I think women tend to be way less visual than men when it comes to being aroused. That's why so many men love looking at nudie mags and watching porn while most women aren't interested. In fact, a lot of us are grossed out by it. In general, I don't find the naked male body a sexual turn-on. I actually think that, from an aesthetic perspective, the naked female body is more beautiful. That doesn't mean I'm a lesbian, though. I may think a woman is beautiful, but I don't fall in love with women and I don't want to have sex with them.

I have to have strong feelings for a man before I want to see him naked. That's just the way I am. I don't find a naked male body (specifically the naughty bits) all that appealing unless I'm falling in love with the guy. So, I can be attracted to a man (when he has his clothes on), but I don't want to see him naked until I'm ready. Seeing a strange man's nether-regions is not a turn-on for me. In fact, it's a turn-off.

As for your question about whether or not a 12 year-old boy would be getting turned on by female nakedness -- ABSOLUTELY. 12 isn't all that young. I know you probably still think of your son as a little boy, but he's probably going through puberty. Pubescent boys have lots of hormones raging through their bodies. They tend to get turned on A LOT... and the male of our species tends to be very visual in their sexual attraction.

I think the T was trying, without disclosing anything discussed in therapy with your son, that though you aren't dressing provocatively, your son is affected negatively by how you are dressing. That's different imo. I think also that the dd should dress in her room with her door closed. Your son is in therapy. If these simple things can help him, why not do them? If he's struggling with such things that are easily changed, why not help him this way? Men are quite "visual" beings. And..there has to be a reason for 8 and 9 year old girls becoming pregnant... puberty hits very early now. TC and good wishes.

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You might not be wearing shirts that are meant to show skin--they just happen to "ride up" when you bend down--but how he and his friends view seeing your skin may be different than how you and other adults view it. However, you don't have to change everything your son doesn't like or feels uncomfortable about, either; I think it's good to try to accommodate them to a point, but not to the point of the child being the one who tells Mom what to do.

But, in this case, you could use it as an excuse to buy some new clothes!

when i worked in a teen detention center, the younger boys were sexually stimulated by skin. we had to monitor the gir's clothing constantly. no bare abdomen, skirts the right length, etc. etc. etc. and all of the women that worked there dressed very conservatively.

and everyone's point about YOU"RE his mother is so right on.......phew, yucky, etc. remember when you were at the age when your parents could not have possibly been sexual????????

Oh, I know my parents didn't have sex to have me. My mom always told me I was found in the snow and leaves.

mmm. the whole point is that it isn't about your shirt or your skin...it's about your son's emerging sexuality and his normal age-appropriate discomfort with it.

If someone you loved was uncomfortable with say... loud music.. Would you turn it down to help your loved one feel more comfortable?

Your son's T was giving you some ideas to make your loved one more comfortable.

Children are sexual at a young age, but puberty is when it emerges. He is uncomfortable with it. I'm so glad he has a T to talk to about it. It sounds like they are talking about healthy boundaries and that's great. That includes family members undressing and dressing in private.

you didn't say how old the daughter is that is changing in front of him. 12 yr olds have raging hormones and do get turned on by the slightest of things. He may start having "wet dreams" soon too so be aware of that. I agree with the other poster about why young girls are becoming pregnant. keep her changing clothes to her room.

This sounds right.