Only a lesbian could want me.

I think I'm "straight" I've been married 20plus yrs have kids, not that says whether I'm straignt or not I know. I use to think I was gay before I realised my "crushes" on other women was more due to wanting them to be my "perfect mother" rather than anything sexual.

I'm comfortable with all kinds of sexual orientation so Its not that I am trying to deny anything about myself. What is bothering me is more "what is this all about?" kind of thinking.

I don't know if I can explain it but here goes....Its almost like I want a lesbian to want me. I don't even think about me giving anything to "her" its all about "me" and her wanting me. Almost like I don't understand how anyone would want me unless there was something that the other person wanted from me more than I wanted.

I don't fantasis about sex with women. Eh no thats a lie I am curious and when I first started therapy I so wanted my T to be gay and then I fantasised her falling in love with me and wanting me!

I guess I dont think of the sex part much at all, I just want something that will "hook" a woman to me then I can keep them. I mean a friendship feels like that is something anyone could get from anyone but a lesbian would fall totally and irrisibily in love with me and never leave me!

I dont know if this is because I was abandoned at birth and can't believe a woman would want me unless there was somethign she needed from me???

Geez this sounds so cold as I write it.

Does this sound like I am in denial about my own sexual orientation? Am I gay and trying to pretend I'm not??? I had 1 sexual experience with a female friend in my teens. I idolised her so much that I just preteneded I was asleep and really felt great that she wanted me in that way. though she was drunk herself.

I'm really more confused now that I've written this out then before I started to write :-(

I do envy lesbians because I think a love between two women is so much better then a love between a man and woman. Oh geez anyone got any clues to this??????

well it could be for the intimacy of it. most men don't know how to show intimacy without the sex. I know for me that is what it was about. the touch is very different. softer. I think for me it was about not having a mothers love too. there was always something missing in me

Mouse your subject title confuses me a bit. I have been a lesbian over 40 years..... I did some things to please my parents like giving them grandchildren. But to me that was their right. My mother has always known that I was a bit different. Middle school I had girls come to my house for a sleep overs. Then it came to dating them when I was a teenager. IMO as a lesbian, I love the intelligence, inner beauty, having them in my comfort zone. "Only a lesbian could want me" it that lesbian only want someone for the way they look, feel, or because that other person is more desirable than others or less desirable than others.

Being a lesbian is not a easy road, people look at gays as sex starved individuals, people feel uncomfortable around us... they feel we only have one thing on our minds. That is far from the truth, we are mothers, coaches of different sports, we attend religious services. Look deep before you make the leap. Start out being friends with a person get to know them, understand where that person is coming from and where are they going. Please be careful and safe..... Altheia

, Lilith........

Lilith, Yes the title is a bit confusing. I'm still not sure why that title. I guess because its the main theme that runs through my mind. NOt because I see Lesbians as being less, its not that at all. I was thinking about this last night still can't get it straight in my head.

I think I am getting slightly tired of posting on this site. Its getting that I'm afraid to say anything.

I guess in my head I saw the relationship between my mother and father and the way they abused each other, and I see lesbians going through hell to be with each other, and I want that too, I want someone that will stay with me no matter what!

Auck I give up!

Couples who fight all the time aren't being healthy, "staying with [each other] no matter what!" Sometimes staying together isn't healthy. That's not what love is. It can be dependency.

Staying together through thick and thin means staying even when there's problems, but it's not all about fighting problems. Too much fighting is no good. The problems a strong couple sticks together through includes health problems, problems from outside sources, even cheating (but staying together through lots of cheating, IMO, is only enabling the other to cheat). But just because a couple stays together, doesn't mean they love each other and they have a healthy relationship. Some relationships are poisonous, but they stay together, anyway.

Mouse, I might have come on a little strong. I am sorry. Don't be afraid, I want to help you and guide you. Making sure you know both sides. You are in the discovery stage.and the curious stage. I am not discouraging you or the opposite. I just want you to be happy with your decisions.... Please PM me if you want.
Lilith/Altheia

Lilth, Its ok, I am just feeling so frustrated with feelings that I can't find answers for.....I think I am in denial about my feelings...and by thinking that I am not a lesbian but i want a lesbian relationship????....yes I want a relationship with a woman!...now I've said it!