Only a lesbian could want me.

I think I'm "straight" I've been married 20plus yrs have kids, not that says whether I'm straignt or not I know. I use to think I was gay before I realised my "crushes" on other women was more due to wanting them to be my "perfect mother" rather than anything sexual.

I'm comfortable with all kinds of sexual orientation so Its not that I am trying to deny anything about myself. What is bothering me is more "what is this all about?" kind of thinking.

I don't know if I can explain it but here goes....Its almost like I want a lesbian to want me. I don't even think about me giving anything to "her" its all about "me" and her wanting me. Almost like I don't understand how anyone would want me unless there was something that the other person wanted from me more than I wanted.

I don't fantasis about sex with women. Eh no thats a lie I am curious and when I first started therapy I so wanted my T to be gay and then I fantasised her falling in love with me and wanting me!

I guess I dont think of the sex part much at all, I just want something that will "hook" a woman to me then I can keep them. I mean a friendship feels like that is something anyone could get from anyone but a lesbian would fall totally and irrisibily in love with me and never leave me!

I dont know if this is because I was abandoned at birth and can't believe a woman would want me unless there was somethign she needed from me???

Geez this sounds so cold as I write it.

Does this sound like I am in denial about my own sexual orientation? Am I gay and trying to pretend I'm not??? I had 1 sexual experience with a female friend in my teens. I idolised her so much that I just preteneded I was asleep and really felt great that she wanted me in that way. though she was drunk herself.

I'm really more confused now that I've written this out then before I started to write :-(

I do envy lesbians because I think a love between two women is so much better then a love between a man and woman. Oh geez anyone got any clues to this??????

well it could be for the intimacy of it. most men don't know how to show intimacy without the sex. I know for me that is what it was about. the touch is very different. softer. I think for me it was about not having a mothers love too. there was always something missing in me

Mouse your subject title confuses me a bit. I have been a lesbian over 40 years..... I did some things to please my parents like giving them grandchildren. But to me that was their right. My mother has always known that I was a bit different. Middle school I had girls come to my house for a sleep overs. Then it came to dating them when I was a teenager. IMO as a lesbian, I love the intelligence, inner beauty, having them in my comfort zone. "Only a lesbian could want me" it that lesbian only want someone for the way they look, feel, or because that other person is more desirable than others or less desirable than others.

Being a lesbian is not a easy road, people look at gays as sex starved individuals, people feel uncomfortable around us... they feel we only have one thing on our minds. That is far from the truth, we are mothers, coaches of different sports, we attend religious services. Look deep before you make the leap. Start out being friends with a person get to know them, understand where that person is coming from and where are they going. Please be careful and safe..... Altheia

, Lilith........

Lilith, Yes the title is a bit confusing. I'm still not sure why that title. I guess because its the main theme that runs through my mind. NOt because I see Lesbians as being less, its not that at all. I was thinking about this last night still can't get it straight in my head.

I think I am getting slightly tired of posting on this site. Its getting that I'm afraid to say anything.

I guess in my head I saw the relationship between my mother and father and the way they abused each other, and I see lesbians going through hell to be with each other, and I want that too, I want someone that will stay with me no matter what!

Auck I give up!

Couples who fight all the time aren't being healthy, "staying with [each other] no matter what!" Sometimes staying together isn't healthy. That's not what love is. It can be dependency.

Staying together through thick and thin means staying even when there's problems, but it's not all about fighting problems. Too much fighting is no good. The problems a strong couple sticks together through includes health problems, problems from outside sources, even cheating (but staying together through lots of cheating, IMO, is only enabling the other to cheat). But just because a couple stays together, doesn't mean they love each other and they have a healthy relationship. Some relationships are poisonous, but they stay together, anyway.

Mouse, I might have come on a little strong. I am sorry. Don't be afraid, I want to help you and guide you. Making sure you know both sides. You are in the discovery stage.and the curious stage. I am not discouraging you or the opposite. I just want you to be happy with your decisions.... Please PM me if you want.
Lilith/Altheia

Lilth, Its ok, I am just feeling so frustrated with feelings that I can't find answers for.....I think I am in denial about my feelings...and by thinking that I am not a lesbian but i want a lesbian relationship????....yes I want a relationship with a woman!...now I've said it!

Post deleted by Raynaadi

ok, i've been married for 19 years and never had a lesbian relationship.

but, i do think about it and have really fancied women before, i hope this doesn't sound patronising or offensive, but i am curious and i think it doesn't matter which sex you fall for, if i loved a woman i wouldn't think twice.

i think maybe women know what women want possibly more than men, and i am becoming more curious the older i get.

i'm just being honest, i hope this doesn't offend anyone

jinny xoxoxoxox

I have to say that I am reading this thread and nodding my head. I have never had a relationship with a woman either, but I have to say I've been curious about it. My girl friend and I were talking about this just last week, about wondering what it would be like. We even talked about mutual female friends who we find attractive. We often refer to each other as "girlfriend" because we spend so much time together and admitted to each other that if we were gay, we would so be dating. I've often wondered about my sexuality. I guess I can say that I'm bi-curious. Curious since I've never tried it, so I don't know.

So Mouse, I think more of understand than you thought.....thank you for bringing this up!!!!!

(((((((( Mouse ))))))))

Honestly mouse, I think this is another part of your wanting a mother figure. Think about it...its the same as your crushes....see if it was a lesbian who loved you..a man couldnt take her away...like your mother and father..whether he took her away in good or in bad...also i see it as sort of a domination ...not to be harsh or anything on you of course...but you could probably never control the way your mother felt that day or how she would react..youd feel helpless in trying to please her or whatnot..with a lesbian loving you and you not having to do anything its like your contrroling that woman you are able to not have to put as much energy and time as you did with your mom. And you feel like you may be lesbian because of these feelings only because society states...if you have any feelings what so ever for the same sex it is probably because your a lesbian...or gay...but i think this is just more deeply involved with your mom then maybe you and your t have gotten into good luck!!! Love, Inny

Inny! You maybe right...you have actually put into words what I was trying to..but making a big hash out of it!!....I was asking someone else this same question...I said is this part of my fanasy of wanting that perfect mother love? but now as I'm an adult, sexual feelings come into it as well...yes domination does seem a biggggggg part of it...I havent yet brooched this subject in therapy...I will now!

maybe we think about what it is/would be like with other women because our men don't give us what we need/want. just a thought.

maybe we feel that we would be nurtured more with another woman????????????

and that is stereotyping all of us. but, it's true. sometimes i think a woman would understand me much better than a man does.

i've always had close lesbian and gay (guy) friends. i'm very comfortable with them and sometimes i'm not all that comfortable with straight men.

good thread. pat

i agree with inny, your desire seeems to want to be accepted loved, and wanted. It sounds very much linked to your experience as a child. I have the same desire -- to have a woman validate you and say you are okay. You are wanted here. Its hard when you didnt get that. ((((((mouse)))))) but you are TRUELY wanted here. You are kind and insightful in all your posts. We care!

Nina, you have taken a big step in discovering yourself. I am so proud of you. It is so hard to keep feelings like this repressed. It will be a journey. I will be here for you as always. Altheia

I can't tell you all how much exploring this subject has helped me!! Its like a big gray cloud has been lifted.

Thanks to all of ((you)) That helped me in this thread!!

Post deleted by Raynaadi

Mouse you are in the company of family and friends..
(((((mouse)))))