i NEED help

hi, this is my first post here, and i am desperatly needing someone to talk to and some help.

i think i am suffering from sexual aversion disorder, i CANNOT cope with sex, sexual contact, being touched anywhere on my body, sexual comments, being told that i am "fit" or "sexy" or anything like that.

anything to do with that kind of thing makes me very uncomfortable, i cry during and after intercourse, i can just about manage sexual contact.
ive been with my partner for about 3 years, at first our relationship was ok, we had a healthy sex life, tho he has always had a higher sex drive than me. he enjoys pornagraphic material which has always made me feel uncomfortable, but now even more so.
i love him very much, and cant imagine being without him, i am happy with him until "IT" is mentioned, i feel like attacking him cos i cant bear the thought of it, then when we do it i want to be dead, i think to myself i wish i was dead so i wouldnt have to do it, it is making us both unhappy. he says he stil wants to be with me, but how can he? i think he would much rather be with somoene who can fulfill him rather than make him feel bad for fancying them.
i feel cruel because i'm stopping him from enjoying a sex life, if i left him he could have as much enjoyable sex as he liked, with someone who can show affection and enjoyment, he could be happy, but i cant leave i love hiom too much, but i feel that i am ruining his life. i dont know what to do....., i feel like harming myself whenever sexual commments are made, i want to make myself unattractable so NOONE will want me.

i cant go on like this, neither of us can
thank you for taking time to read this
leasa x