Witnessed Sex as a Child: Mix of feelings for several decades

Hello,

I never sought professional help for this and because of the nature of the incidents, I have never discussed it with anyone in my real life. I've posted this on another forum because some of the feedback I got so far has been helpful and I was hoping for thoughts and insights here.

When I was 12, my mom had a fling with a guy at the resort were were staying that summer. She was married to my dad, but would bond with a guy she met at the resort community all summer.

Though I was a kid, I could tell she liked this guy but beyond the general idea that she should just be with my dad, I didn't really absorb the whole dynamic. I thought maybe they'd kiss (because that's what men and women who like each other do) and had a vague feeling they'd just spend time together, and I knew it was a secret, but the breadth of adultery didn't really register to me.

I actually witnessed them having sex one eve when I doubled back to our bungalow because I had a strong feeling she was with him. I had never seen anything like that before (TV was much more tame and that was all I would know), and it really shocked me at the time. At the same time, I found it compelling, so I watched for a bit before I got scared I'd get caught and took off.

I checked on her in the evenings when I could (usually there was evening activity like a movie or event) and I saw them make love five more times, though circumstantial evidence made it clear that they had sex frequently that summer.

I loved my mom and my dad, but I also liked this guy, I thought he was real cool at the time. I knew what she was doing was a secret and therefore probably bad or embarrass, but I also found it exciting and went back to check on her so I could see them again. I didn't really understand sex at the time so it alternately looked to me like he was hurting her but that she wanted to be with him, and that she was enjoying pleasing him.

Though I am straight, I sometimes find myself attracted to men that remind me of this guy. I also had anxiety over the years as I would more fully appreciate the details of what they were doing - sometimes I'd forget a detail and then something would click and I would realize another aspect of what was going on. I also don't entirely trust my memories of the incidents.

Has anyone else had similar incidents of witnessing sex as a child, and the subsequent mix of emotions about it? I never sought help, I probably should have, but it was all too difficult to ever articulate in a live one on one conversation. Makes sense?

Welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry to hear you witnessed sex as a child because children are not emotionally mature enough to understand what that means. The other man can also be difficult to fathom.

Some people at PC will find a therapist will help them sort out the roots of their life.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

There are articles that go into more detail about coping
Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

hi morris
it is unfortunate that you had to witness this event. knowing it was a secret and liking this man probably somewhere within you made you feel kind of caught in the middle between your parents. he was a positive experience for you, but somehow you knew it was wrong, so how does a child seek resolution for that?and then any feelings for dad, knowing this secret, the hurt this would cause, causes more jeopardizing feelings for you. you were just put in a very bad place emotionally. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Morris1968!!! It's so nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. I look forward to seeing you around!!!

Thanks, kaliope. I appreciate your insight.

I have had nightmares on and off about this for years. As I grew up, mostly off but lately I have had them again, including one particularly vivid one fairly recently.

It was a different dream than I usually have, though. In my dream I'm standing in the doorway of the bedroom in our home, and my mom and the guy are making very passionate love. They're so involved in what they are doing, they don't even notice I am there. They continue for what seems like quite a while and they orgasm, and then kiss intimately.

He puts her body in a different sexual position and she resists a bit, but quickly begins enjoying herself and they go at it again for a while. I remember wondering why the hell they don't notice I am standing right here, they don't seem to notice or care. He's quiet and focused, and she is just his sex object. Then I wake up.

This was different than other dreams I have had, as this one is in our family home (other times it's in something like the bungalow, or a neutral location), it's my folks' bedroom from when we grew up, and I'm not particularly hiding - I'm just there and they don't notice or care.

This one freaked me out more than normal as it was also more vivid than usual.