SEX OR ABUSE?

NEW HERE AND JUST WANTED TO SEE IF SOMEONE COULD HELP OUT, THIS IS REALLY, REALLY EMBARRISING BUT WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL 5-6YRS.OLD I USED TO LET MY DOG LICK MY VAGINA AND I WOULD HAVE AN ORGASM. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS SICK AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE I GOT THE IDEA BUT I DO REMEMBER DOING IT. HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF SOMEONE DOING THIS BEFORE. I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL FREAK AND A REAL SICK PERSON FOR DOING THIS BUT I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL. AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT AN ORGASM WAS AS A CHILD THAT LITTLE BUT I DID IT ALOT, I WAS LIKE ADDICTED TO DOING IT FOR AWHILE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I GOT STARTED DOING THIS, I DON'T REMEMBER AND I COULD NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS IN PERSON TO SAY LIKE A THERAPIST OR A FRIEND, I'M JUST TO SCARRED TO ADMITT HOW SICK I WAS. I NEVER DID IT AFTER ABOUT AGE 6 BUT STILL IT REALLY FREAKS ME OUT THAT I DID THIS!!!!! CAN ANYONE SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE SUBJECT..................ANYONE.......................................
I KNOW THIS SHOULD PROBABLY NOT BE MY FIRST POST HERE BECAUSE I FEAR EVERYONE HERE WILL THINK I'M A TOTAL NUT CASE BUT I JUST HAD TO GET IT OUT!!!!! <font color="blue"> </font>

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

Please know that we would NEVER think bad of YOU or any one that has come to PC for HELP and SUPPORT.... that which is usually needed after another person has done you wrong or left you and your life (abandoned).

IMO - I would say that what you experienced was due to some form of abuse that another had placed upon on you as a child and since you knew no better you acted out in the only way you knew how to.... and this has a name: Trauma Bonding - when one bonds to their abuse or abuser.

... I will place an article on here in a few minutes I put together on Trauma Bonding for you to read, and any one can use it for any type of abuse they have suffered through.

If it helps you any I will share yet another part of my life that I have yet to share here on PC so you will know that you are not alone.... I was sexually abused by another with this type of abuse when I too was young.

TRAUMA BONDING: (sexual)

Sexual abuse victims, physically or mentally, may feel worthless, like damaged goods, and that it really doesn't matter what happens to them. So they continue to reinforce the lie of their abuse and unworthiness or unloveableness by acting out in additional self-destructive behaviors. One way that unresolved sexual abuse (past or present) could play a role in sexual addiction is through the process called, "trauma bonding”.

In trauma bonding, the female victim has actually attached herself to the trauma of the past and re-enacts the experience in thoughts, sexually acting out, and public exposure of ones body, with fantasies or in actual relationships. The female will tend to repeat the exact same behavior that has harmed her, where she or the image(s) is the victim in the situation, using masturbation as a release for her pain. This negative behavior becomes a coping mechanism, created to keep the victim safe from further harm: of feeling her feelings to deeply, from more hurt and devastation, from hating herself or from hating the person(s) that has caused her pain, from a sexual affair and most importantly safe from suicidal tendencies.

Studies have shown that females who are continuously damaged or wounded in ways that are sexual in nature over long periods of time (physically, mentally or emotionally) are prone to fall into “trauma bonding” as their only way out, as to survive. This survival mode usually involves a well kept secret agenda created from a hidden sexual addiction that has developed as a result of the female acting out when she tries to deal with her inner turmoil, this behavior leaves the female victim selecting porn, mental images of sex acts, pictures, or thoughts where women are degraded and/or abused, punished and will often fantasize about herself or the image(s) being hurt, abused, or having sex with her partner and then plays out the scenario mentally with manual masturbation to medicate the hurt and despair that is felt, the “punish me” aspect behind her story – for she no longer feels good enough as a woman, as a female.

Prime examples of sexual abuse cases that create this disorder in many abused females come from the very people in the victims own life, from the people she loves, trust and once relied on for protection: parents, uncles, siblings, neighbors, step-fathers, friends, teachers, spouses, boyfriends and other females. Trauma Bonding comes from a single turning point in ones life with past multiple sources, a possible combination of these items: unwanted sexual advances, rape, molestation, childhood abuse, spousal sexual abuse, significant others porn use with acting out or lusting after another, replacement theory, sexual rejection and/or repeated exposure to unwanted sexual images. Irrational fears of image(s) and or people that resemble the abuse or pain of the sexual wounds in the female victim have been known to develop. This can make having a social life or working career impossible in some woman until the disorder, behavior or source of pain has been removed from the victim’s life.

The effects of “trauma bonding” can leave its victims feeling: depressed, scared, crazy, perverted, afraid to tell, suicidal, lustful and with fears of being homosexual. A kind and loving friend who will give unconditional support to the female during her time of recovery is needed. Look for and attend a support group on sexual abuse or addictions, an accountability partner should be located; some one you can turn to and trust with out judgment being placed up on you – for YOU are the victim of another person’s selfishness and/or sickness.

The first step in getting better is to take the dysfunctional secret out and into the open and share its pain and devastation with a friend or trusted love one.


* * * * * * * * * * * *

TRAUMA BONDING: (from xxxchurch.com)

Sexual abuse victims may feel worthless, like damaged goods, and that it really doesn't matter what happens to them. So they continue to reinforce the lie of their unworthiness or unloveableness by acting out in additional self-destructive behaviors.
Another way that unresolved sexual abuse could play a role in sexual addiction is through the process called, "trauma bonding." In a trauma bond, the sex addict has actually attached herself to the trauma of the past and re-enacts the experience in fantasy or in actual relationships. In this case, she will tend to repeat the exact same behavior where she is the victim in the situation.

Some woman found they are specifically selecting porn where women were degraded and/or abused, or punished and would fantasize about being hurt or abused and often their masturbation would have a "punishing me" aspect to it.

Research has shown that a very high correlation exists between childhood abuse and sexual addiction in adulthood. Sexual Addicts who have reported experiencing: Emotional Abuse 95-98% Sexual Abuse 80-85% Physical Abuse 70-75% Sexual abuse can be a major influence in both the development and continuation of sexual addiction. A woman addicted to sex often has sexual abuse in her past that she has kept secret from others. Some sexual abuse survivors deal with the pain of the abuse by acting out sexually as a way of medicating the pain of childhood abuse.

THANKS RHAPSODY!!!!
DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT TRAUMA BONDING, NEVER EVEN HEARD ABOUT IT BEFORE.
I WAS SEVERALLY SEXUALLY ABUSED AS A CHILD BUT I NEVER PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER UNTIL NOW. SO THANKS SOOOOOO MUCH FOR THE INFO AND THANKS FOR NOT JUDGING ME!!!!!
ANN MARIE (CARING)

You are WELCOME...... and I look forward to talking with you in PM and in the forums.

Welcome Caring

Glad you are here, and hope you find the support you've been looking for. We try to be a non-judgemental crowd here. Glad you found us!!!!

~Rayna

though... while trauma bonding might be one explanation it isn't the only one.

surveys have shown that even when sexual abuse is screened out (as best they can) children exhibit a rather surprising range of sexual behaviour from very young ages. this includes using objects to help them masterbate.

this could be a specific instance of that...

Hi Caring,
I am glad you feel you can share here. There are so many wonderful insightful people here to help you understand things that have happened to yourself. I, as with many people here, would never be judgemental of anyone else. We are here to share and help one another.
Snow

gosh thanks rhapsody this explained a lot to me too. thankyou so much, i never mentioned amything to anyone about some of these subjects you covered i send you a big kiss and cuddle for enlightening me.

love jinnyann xoxoxoxoxo

Rhapsody is a font of information.

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Maven said:
Rhapsody is a font of information.

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- Thanks....... I personally feel that we learn from knowing, and what better thing to be educated on than "The WHY's" to all our questions and to mankind - the mental / emotional explanations for the things we do (good & bad)?

... I thrive off of learning about humans and the WHY's to the things we do as humans - being human.

i never heard about trauma bonding interesting article.

sorry you had to go throuh that,hope you will let go of the embarassing memory so that it won`t bother you