[astyanax12]

Hello everyone,

Looking over the threads, I saw a couple of posts that were similar to mine, but I felt like mine differed enough from the others to warrant its own thread. Apologies though if I'm saturating the posts with too much of the same material.

Anyway, about a month or so ago I posted a thread about some difficult feelings I was having towards one of my friends. Rather than rehashing what I've already written, you can find it all in my post entitled "Confusing Feelings Towards a Friend of the Same Gender."

After a lot of thinking, I've come to the realization that I am, in fact, attracted to my friend. I think deep down I knew it when I wrote my other post, but I needed time to fully come to terms with it.

Now, however, I've got a problem just as difficult as before: what do I do next? I feel guilty and ashamed because of my feelings, not because I'm attracted to another guy, but because I feel it is unfair to him to have to put up with this. Yet at the same time, I feel like I'm being unfair to myself by keeping this inside myself and letting it tear me apart.

I desperately wish I could just tell him how I feel, but I know that if I did, I'd have to approach it delicately. The thing is though, I don't know what I want out of this. I don't know what my body wants from this attraction. I know it's absurd to think that he'd have the same feelings toward me and that we could get together, but honestly, I really don't think that's what I want anyway. Right now, I just feel that if I get these feelings out to him, I'll be able to stop tormenting myself and let them start to fade away.

He confided in me once (just by happenstance one day, not in reaction to anything that I had said) that he had an experience similar to this one. One of his friends (also male) had an "infatuation" towards him, as he put it. They talked with each other, but from what I've observed, they still talk to each other and it hasn't seemed to completely destroy their friendship (although I will admit that I can't make much judgment). I don't know whether or not to take that as evidence that he perhaps might be more understanding if I do talk to him. Yet at the same time, I don't want to make him think, "Not this again"—and the situation might end up being worse considering the fact that I live with him.

I don't know what to do. Based on what I've said, would telling him how I feel be disastrously ill-advised? I feel as if that's the only way I'll be able to feel better, but I don't want to destroy our friendship or make either of us feel awkward. I know this is probably a common issue, but right now I feel like the only person in the world who has these feelings.

Thanks for your time.

[kaliope]

this is certainly a delicate situation and can really cause complications for you if your friend is not understanding of your feelings. it seems to me that you believe the relationship would not happen, you only want to get the feelings off your chest because they are causing you grief. i would question how comfortable your friend would feel sharing a home with you and walking around in a towel as you mentioned in your other post from what i can recall when he knows that you like him. how open would he feel he could be in the friendship without feeling like he is encouraging your feelings? it is kind of tricky when you live together. was the past situation he had mentioned this way?

i would encourage you to set up an appt with a counselor to discuss what is going on. this would allow you to sort out your feelings and discover what it is you really want. then you can make the decision of whether you should tell your friend your feelings and you will be clear on what it is you want from him so there will be no confusion about the relationship.

You know hun, you'll be attracted to many more people in your life. Feel it out, what are his sexual leanings? I myself would rather be with someone I'm attracted to as a friend then ruin the longtime friend relationship. At least this way you'll get to enjoy the company for a long time. Maybe one day???

Good luck with that hun. You need to weigh the pros and cons. I'm confident that you can figure it out.