[hello007]

I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years. She's really attractive, intelligent and funny. However a few months ago I stopped enjoying sex with her. Last night we were kissing (at her instigation) and I felt absolutely zero, nothing, not a stir. In fact I felt slight revulsion and claustrophobia. This is a woman I loved so much and enjoyed making love with and gladly gave up a LOT of things for.

We don't live together, she has kids and other lifestyle issues which collide with mine. We see each other 4 or 5 times per week. She is prone to melancholia and dark thoughts and is somewhat neurotic by nature. I don't see any future for us living together actually.

One other problem - she loves me to perform cunnilingus on her but will not 'go all the way' when fellating me, which in turn leaves me feeling very frustrated because it's something I really want, to the point of need: she says it would make her vomit (actually she did it twice in the past six years and she didn't vomit). She says she's had the best sex of her life with me and I helped her become a much freer person.

Anyway ... what happened to me? We haven't had sex for more than a month - she wants it badly but I absolutely do not. I still feel normal levels of sexual energy and strength though, e.g. I masturbate every couple of days or so, but the thought of making love with her leaves me worse than cold.

Any suggestions?

[Angelique67]

It sounds like anger or resentment on your part. But I could be wrong.

[pinkviolet]

Hello, sad to hear any couple that has difficulty.

But yes it does sound like anger, resentment as she is not giving you the oral sex that you give her. For me I would feel used a bit and therefore yes the taught of having sex would be far away from my mind.

Have you tried talking to her about it? I am not too crazy about oral sex on me but I don't stop men if they enjoy it. I do enjoy giving oral sex though. We are all so different!!!

[Eris]

Idk. I mean like Pinkviolet and Angelique touch on, there is the oral sex conflict. You mentioned that.

It also sounds like a rut and boredom. I feel like maybe you're exhausted with her inflexibility or inability to climax, no fault of her own. Maybe you two need to accept the idea of exploring toys, or some other aides to help her get her off w/ you, or more FOREPLAY. It's just an idea for solving that, Idk.
As for your interest.Wellllll as much as it does upset you to think of it, what does kinda interest you? Maybe she can dye her hair, try on outfits for bed, to change it up. I mean obviously you still adore her, otherwise you'd leave her or cheat, so I would be REALLY tactful about introducing these ideas if they appeal to you.
If not, theres always the old renting a porno, and banging. :/

*subliminal messaging: FOREPLAY *
(^Not necessarily directed to the OP, but to any man who catches this!)

[CopperStar]

You don't "need" to climax in your girlfriend's mouth, actually. I was with a guy for quite a while who wasn't interested in anything beyond plain vanilla missionary and only 2-3 times per month at most. My libido was much higher and wilder than his, like by far, but I substituted with toys and porn on the in-between and then enjoyed our intimacy when he was up for it. I think he had serious depression issues that he refused to acknowledge or address. I was with another guy who would not let me mess with his nipples even though that's a huge turn-on for me. He just did not like it. I respected it, certain physical acts are not "needs" and if you're in love, you don't need your partner to fulfill your every erotic fantasy. Some things are shared and some things are fantasy for you on your own time while masturbating. This is the most natural and obvious thing when you're actually in love with someone.

So let's get real. You're not in love. You're 'comfortable'. And it's starting to turn you into a nasty person, the sort who feels entitled and so on. This is what happens when you stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons. It slowly corrupts you like a poison, hurts your partner, and in the end the relationship collapses, anyway. Suck it up and be honest, have a graceful parting and let her move on to someone who will satisfy her, and allow yourself to do the same.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

You don't "need" to climax in your girlfriend's mouth, actually. I was with a guy for quite a while who wasn't interested in anything beyond plain vanilla missionary and only 2-3 times per month at most. My libido was much higher and wilder than his, like by far, but I substituted with toys and porn on the in-between and then enjoyed our intimacy when he was up for it. I think he had serious depression issues that he refused to acknowledge or address. I was with another guy who would not let me mess with his nipples even though that's a huge turn-on for me. He just did not like it. I respected it, certain physical acts are not "needs" and if you're in love, you don't need your partner to fulfill your every erotic fantasy. Some things are shared and some things are fantasy for you on your own time while masturbating. This is the most natural and obvious thing when you're actually in love with someone.

So let's get real. You're not in love. You're 'comfortable'. And it's starting to turn you into a nasty person, the sort who feels entitled and so on. This is what happens when you stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons. It slowly corrupts you like a poison, hurts your partner, and in the end the relationship collapses, anyway. Suck it up and be honest, have a graceful parting and let her move on to someone who will satisfy her, and allow yourself to do the same.

Wonderful post.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[hello007]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

You don't "need" to climax in your girlfriend's mouth, actually. I was with a guy for quite a while who wasn't interested in anything beyond plain vanilla missionary and only 2-3 times per month at most. My libido was much higher and wilder than his, like by far, but I substituted with toys and porn on the in-between and then enjoyed our intimacy when he was up for it. I think he had serious depression issues that he refused to acknowledge or address. I was with another guy who would not let me mess with his nipples even though that's a huge turn-on for me. He just did not like it. I respected it, certain physical acts are not "needs" and if you're in love, you don't need your partner to fulfill your every erotic fantasy. Some things are shared and some things are fantasy for you on your own time while masturbating. This is the most natural and obvious thing when you're actually in love with someone.

So let's get real. You're not in love. You're 'comfortable'. And it's starting to turn you into a nasty person, the sort who feels entitled and so on. This is what happens when you stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons. It slowly corrupts you like a poison, hurts your partner, and in the end the relationship collapses, anyway. Suck it up and be honest, have a graceful parting and let her move on to someone who will satisfy her, and allow yourself to do the same.

Thanks to everyone who has offered advice - I'm really grateful.

As for CopperStar's response: you might be right about it being time to move-on. Dunno ... we're so kind and supportive of each other that I can't even imagine what not being with her would be like. Aside from my marriage, which ended in divorce 10 years ago, my GF is the only serious relationship I've had, and I hadn't experienced before the dynamic you described: that staying in a relationship where the romantic love and attraction is fading can corrupt one's soul (and hurt the other person) (in the marriage, my wife walked-out on me and the kids).

TBH I don't feel that resentful about the blowjob thing - I accepted this years ago. We've talked about this subject and she asked me to stop mentioning it because it upset her, so of course I let it go - but it came back, in the context of other frustrations. Having said that, in terms of 'needing it', well, a couple of times that was exactly what I would have needed in order to come.

I guess you're right though: the issue isn't the issue, it's just the 'thing' which my mind focused on in the context of this horrible feeling of slipping away from each other. The lack of ANY feeling on my part when we kissed the other night really shocked me and maybe it's time to face-up to our situation.