Caught in the Act

My husband has always had a mild addiction to porn but in the last few years it seems to have grown and gotten worse. My grown daughter and three kids have moved back in with us while going through a divorce and getting on her feet. The other morning I caught my husband peeping in the window at the oldest "19" while she was taking a shower and when confronted he admitted that he'd been doing this for the last few months at both she and my daughter. I am devastated. This is my daughter and granddaughter but the granddaughter whom he was watching views him as her grandfather since she was born. We are both in our sixties. He says he is ashamed and he doesn't know why he did it and he will get help because he's sick, but I don't know what to do. My granddaughter had two important men in her life her father whom she's dis-owned because of the divorce and the way he treated her and her Mother and now I'm going to have to tell her, her Grandfather is a pervert and watched her shower. I just want to die. My heart is so broken. I thought he was a good man and loved me and I truly trusted him. Can someone please help me with this?

Your first priority is the safety of your daughter and grandchildren. Get them out of the house--or better yet, get your husband out of the house.

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I agree with krminnj and also your husband needs to be going to counseling right away to get a handle on that.

Well, your trust in him has definitely been shattered. It is for you to decide now whether you prefer to stay with him still and seek counselling for him- and then watch him closely for its benefits, if any- or to part ways with him. But, take heart, and do not entertain suicidal thoughts at all; suicide is not, and cannot be, the solution to this mess. Maybe somebody very close to you can provide solace in this regard- if you want to share this, that is. But if your own condition gets worse do not hesitate to approach a therapist. I wish you well!

I agree he screwed up, but I think calling him a danger and wanting to get him away from the daughter is a tad bit overkill especially since he seems to feel guilty and ashamed of his actions. It sounds like to me his curiosity got the better of him and he couldn't control his impulses. He's certainly in the wrong, but his actions doesn't automatically make him dangerous or a threat to the daughter and granddaughter.

I'm not justifying his actions by any means, I'm simply trying to say that there is always more than one side to a story.

If he's truly sorry, I would say allow him the chance to get help and redeem himself, but at the same time, isolate yourself from him until he does for the sake of your own mental health.

Oh hell No !!! I would have packed his bag immediately and he would be outta the home in 15 mins or less. .. I don't know why there is so much of this happening lately

He's only he feels bad because he got caught, Had he gotten into therapy on his own I might "Consider" He needs therapy for sure. I personally don't think I could every trust someone like that in my life again.. There is free porn everywhere, He had options to fullfill his needs .... maybe not great but its never never ok to do this to "family" hell no !

Please find a Therapist for yourself you are going to need help support and advise to decide how you want to proceed.

I'm so sorry this happened

My Lady; I am sorry about your husband and his lewd behavior. As someone that has had a porn addiction for many years, I can some what empathize. However spying on your granddaughter or your daughter, is crossing the line of fantasy; which he probably fantasized about first. I have my fantasy life but I never let it get beyond my mind, unless I have a partner to share it with that is willing to go there. (Not saying I fantasize about spying on my own flesh and blood, I just have other things that turn me on that I keep to myself but with a willing partner will explore, just like I will explore theirs.) Now for how to treat the issue at hand. Treat it openly and with dignity. I am sure he feels like a heal because he was caught, and maybe he wanted to be caught, because he knew how wrong it was. Sit down with all how are involved and try to talk it through with out blame or anger. I am sure you love your husband and it sounds as though you have been married for a long while. I think if you are all honest about this with each other it may come to a good resolution. However there may be some mistrust and resentments there as well, but that is to be expected. He still is a loving caring individual, he just let himself get caught up and let himself indulge where he shouldn't have. If you love him and I bet you do, you will continue to love and care for him. But also love your daughter and granddaughter and protect their interests. I hope that this helps and I believe you need to protect all parties in this but don't just end a marriage like someone suggested because he was weak. We all are weak, help him to be strong, treat him with dignity and love him; he may surprise you. He will probably beg forgiveness and that is good, forgive but don't forget.

Christina, though I agree with your discourse here. I believe you may be being a little harsh. I am not condoning any of his actions here. However we are all far from perfect, we are all only human. Thank you for your words, they are very well thought, but in certain situations we can't be rash. It could send two people to a place that they don't need to go.

I politely disagree with your advice. Thank you for your response to my advice to the OP `