Deep shame and anxiety guilt over sexuality

I placed my first post in the New Members intro section and I would like to follow up here with a brief overall description....

I am a late 50s male who always experienced a deep rooted shame and guilt over my sexuality and being male.
I feel developed over time anxiety and at times extreme panic attacks when I felt emotionally threatened regaining having a penis and having male traits .
These situations almost exclusively occurs in PUBLIC situations where I feel men's penises are criterized/ laughed at/ or discussed in detail. I get a "fight or flight" reaction and want to lash out or just need to leave the room.

No one knows about this except my wife and a few close people..no one would even understand- so this is something very personal keep to myself.
Can ANYONE relate to this?

I will go into more of my background which I am SURE plays a big part of these feelings.
Thanks for listening....Snap309

It is good to see that you are able to share the way you think and feel with your wife and some friends. That is usually one of the biggest hurdles.
I am glad you were able to share here as well.
Have you considered discussing this with a therapist? My new therapist is totally awesome and I am very open to learning from him. He entered my life at the exact right time.
I have also found that writing helps me tremendously. If I get stuff out of my head and onto paper, stuff sometimes becomes clearer to me.
I hope you find what you need here.

Hey there snap. I read your thread and I visited your other thread on the same topic in the other forum. I just wanted to say I am sorry. I do understand how hard it is sometimes to deal with our own sexuality and how others perceive that.

I was thought at a very young age that men were bad, and that they do bad things. That they are interested in one thing. My mohter was very wrong in bringing me up that way.

I am 41 by the way, and I have just began to embrace being female in the past 5 years. After T (T =Therapy) I learned that it was ok to be female. Due to sexual abuse I decided as a kid that being a girl was bad. If being a girl was bad, and being a boy was bad, then what was good. Nothing was. I was just bad.

Now that I have said way to much on that note, do you know what has made you feel this way. It sounds like a response that someone who has been sexually abused at some point would say or how they would feel.

I do agree with Em. Have you seen a T about this? Mine has helped me tremendously.
It has helped me to know why I have these ideas in my head that are not correct.

Sorry if all this is random and not really making since. It is late and my brain is behaving badly. It is is to confusing jsut have it omitted or don;t pay any attention to it.

Any how, welcome to PC. I hope this place helps you like it has me. It was also nice talking with you in chat this evening. Come on back to chat real soon.

Really different but perhaps all the same?
I am a straight woman and I am terrified of seeing cleavage. It is weird... And impossible to hide. My T actually started adjusting her shirt if I started to look panicked and then I thought, ****, she knows!

I think I feel something similar to what you guys have described here.

As a man I feel dirty, perverted and overbearing when I approach women, and it is impossible for me to even think of asking her on a date at that point or making any kind of flirtatious gestures, because it feels like I've crossed a huge line by just approaching her to begin with.

I feel the same things - men are bad and only interested in one thing, and I feel extremely ashamed around women. Also my appearance isn't great, so I feel very dirty and overbearing like a "greasy" man approaching a beautiful lady. I'm not actually physically dirty, but I feel dirty.

Hey StbGuy~

I just wanted to pop into YOUR profile to let you know how much I appreciate you contacting me and offering your sincere support and thoughts on my issues.
Its nice to have other people that can relate to me.

I don't have a therapist that I discuss this
It seems like we do feel the same in most areas. If ever you need support to someone to talk to,,..,don't hesitate to contact me to BS. I am VERY open and easy going.

Please keep in touch~
Snap309

Thank you so much Snap!