Boyfriend has no drive

I've been seeing a guy 14 years younger than me. He says he is loves me and every time we break up he can't stay away from me? Yet, he has no drive for me what so ever. When we first met we would have sex several times a day. He did say in the beginning he worried he had low testosterone. I remember thinking that was odd because we never had an issue? He said he stopped wanting sex with his ex before me and that he preferred to jerk of instead to porn and he would sneak off and get oral sex from other girls.

Now it seems we have sex once a month and that is only because I complain about it. He tells me he has no drive and he thinks it is because he smokes a lot of weed. But in an argument he said "I can't believe you don't get bored having sex with the same person all of the time?" I get bored." But he never gets bored of jerking off? He wants to stay together, but I feel he will end up cheating if he is so bored of one person. Especially because before I met him he had a lot of females. I also don't know if I can live committed to once a month. I had never gone less than five days without sex before I met him.

I feel rejected and it makes my feelings of love and connection break down. The downfall is we have a great friendship too, but I am starting to feel like a "just one of the boys." I am not unattractive and in good shape, I have a lot of men that are attracted to me. I cannot understand why he doesn't want me? Is he just a player? A player wannabe? It's doomed right?

I don't know if your relationship is doomed or not, but getting bored from having sex with the same person is a cop-out and BS. I've been married 15 years and would jump my wife tonight if I got the chance.

It's got nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It's obvious that sex, from his perspective, is about him and not about you or you both as a couple. You say he likes to smoke a lot of weed. Not sure what "a lot" would be, but that can cause sexual as well as motivational issues if it's really quite a bit (like several times a day, every day ... basically staying high all the time).

Personally I think he should step up or step out. If it's really bothering you, your needs aren't being met and you're investing more than you're getting back, then it might be time for you to move on any way, regardless of his decision.

Thanks for your response. It is good to hear the perspective from a male who has been in a relationship for a while.

He might be asexual. Asexual people don't feel sexual attraction towards others, they might enjoy sex but generally only the physical sensations of it and for most people they lose interest.

I recently found out I am asexual, which explained so many questions I have been asking myself in my life. I suddenly realized why something felt off in my relationships, why I never got why sex was such a big deal people cared so much about, and why even though I didn't mind having sex when we did, I preferred other activities. I was never attracted to any of my partners that way. Now I've gone almost two years without sex and I rarely even think about it. It is just not an important part of my life, and now I know why then it's suddenly a relief, not a worry, that I don't really care about it like others seem to.

Most people haven't heard about asexuality and some people go through their life without knowing. This causes them to experience problems in their relationships because of mismatched sexual drive/interest.

I would recommend your partner to take at look at AVEN and other such resources. Even if he likes masturbating, porn or oral sex for that matter he can still be asexual, but I am not sure if he sounds like that from your description. I am just saying it is an option that most people don't even consider

Nada, To be honest, lose him, if he needs to get his jollies online or with others and says he is bored with doing it with just one person; he is definitely a player. I have been in three good sexual relationships as an adult, two were marriages, they all started off hot and heavy and then the pace slowed. But once a month not in a million years, come on, us guys want physical contact just like any woman does. Any man who says other wise is just looking for the shallow, "wham, bam, thank you Mame". So find someone who will treat you right, you deserve better and I hope that you find it.

... or they're asexual (although as he's seeking oral that doesn't seem likely). It can't be used as a blanket statement that all men crave sex frequently.

I'm asexual and don't care to have sex...
what if he is asexual? It really depends what is his thought process... since he did say he might have low testosterone, it might not be the case, he might just have said that because he knows something is different about his sex drive... he probably can't keep up with having sex. If he can't, he very well can be asexual or even a grey-asexual.

I wondered about that as well. I guess it is possible. He does say that he is really not into sex in general?

I know I thought that as well and he did watch porn. Not as much lately but he smokes a lot more weed too? It's very confusing to me because I cannot imagine being with someone and not craving sex with that person?