[bixkf]

Hi all,

Yep, I did it. I had a really long talk with my daughter and told her just about everything there is to know about me, sexually. Don't worry, she's my step-daughter and she's 22. I explained to her that I needed someone to talk to.

You see, I've been having problems recently (12-36 months) with my memory, where I can't remember words or lose focus and can't remember what I was saying. I've spoken with my doctor who believes that it isn't a chemical/biological issue, but that it is caused by anxiety. The thing is the only real anxiety I have in my life is related to my sexual orientation, my sexual preference and my sexual activities. I've always felt guilty and ashamed somewhat that as a young man, my first sexual experience was homosexual with my best friend. Even though I'm married with kids and my spouse has known about my past since we met, I do still struggle for acceptance.

So far in my life, other than my male sexual partners, my wife, my doctor and my therapist are really the only people that know I am bisexual. But the doctor and T have no emotional attachment (I hope not) so their "acceptance" is purely professional. That kind of only leaves one emotional acceptance, my wife, and that itself is questionable. I still have strong sexual desire for "same-sex" sex, that doesn't mean I am unfaithful, but means that I want to share these activities with my wife even if it is only with her. But she's never really allowed any exploration in this area.

Anyways to get back on subject, I'm faced with a cognitive issue which currently has no diagnosed cause but two professionals agree on my anxiety as possible. So what does one do? Well work on removing the anxiety. Now how do you remove anxiety and of course, is what I think is causing the anxiety really the cause? I don't know and I don't know how to figure that out.

But yesterday, I decided that if my anxiety is truly related to my sexuality and it is about guilt/shame, then I need to work towards acceptance. I do accept it myself, so I thought that I need to seek acceptance from someone that has an emotional connection. In the end, my 22 year old daughter seemed to be the best option, because although I have talked many times with my wife about these subjects, I always seem to have increased guilt/anxiety afterwards.

Obviously she told be that she accepts me as I am, and that there is nothing wrong with being bisexual and having had gay relationships in the past. She told me that I could talk to her any time, and that she in no way judges me.

I know that this question itself demonstrated anxiety, but did I do the right thing?

[Webgoji]

Yes. Period.

She's definitely old enough that she would want you to be happy and comfortable with who you are and by including her, you guys will be able to bond better. You won't be holding back any secrets. Now there really isn't anything to be ashamed of or feel guilt over.

Now incidentally, I had memory issues as well and have Major Depressive Disorder comorbid with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and the proper medications not only helped with the depression and anxiety, but my memory came back as well. So it might not just be anxiety (which it certainly could be), but a chemical imbalance in your brain making it harder to process memory.

Oh .. and congratulations! That had to be a rough talk, way to go.

I agree, you did the right thing. I have been open with a few people in my close circle about my bisexual nature. It has been truly positive. I am glad you accept yourself but I don't think you need to feel guilt or shame. As for being anxious, it could definitely be a factor that you are in need of greater acceptance, I live in a small community and there is little acceptance except for my few friends and family that know. That is one reason I came to this site to gain acceptance and community, my therapy team is working on getting me in contact with other people to talk too with the same issues. You're not alone.