Don´t want to be a "receiver" for someone elses sexual needs

SarahSweden · Sep 15, 2015 at 06:02 PM

I read about this and the link you sent me and I don´t see myself having this kind of phobia. I can´t relate to such specific symptoms and I don´t "hide" from sex. I enjoy watching soft and intimate sex in a movie for example and I also get aroused by that.

I hope there will be room for discussing this with a T, it also has to be the right T who is comfortable discussing it. Have you any personal experience of sharing something around sexuality with a T? How did it go?

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuirkyGirl99

Have you looked into the possibility that you suffer from sort of erotophobia? This is a real and debilitating illness, which has to be treated. Here is just one of many links pertaining to it:
https://sexual-communication.wikispaces.com/Erotophobia
Btw, I'm not a Dr., so I don't if this is exactly what you are suffering from.
If you don't feel comfortable looking into or mentioning this, I would also recommend what Bill suggested. Find a good therapist and talk about your self-esteem issues, as well as your mother's unhealthy attitude toward sex.

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SarahSweden · Sep 15, 2015 at 06:07 PM

You´re worth those kind words and I appreciate being able to talk about this here. There aren´t many places to discuss those things.

Yes, even if I don´t remember how I processed what my mother told me about my father and their sex life I can see it can very much be that way, that I subconsciously have one and the same apprehension of men.

It´s a sorrow for me too, that I don´t know how love feels, I now mean love from and for a partner. I haven´t felt "friendship love" either, I would have wanted those close ties with another human.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

Thank you very much again for your kind words.

One other thing that occurred to me is that children can think of their father as "men", imagining that other men are very much like him.

It made me sad to read that you have never experienced being loved.

(((((SarahSweden)))))

I do think that presenting yourself to a T as someone who struggles with low self-esteem and with finding friends/socializing might be worth considering if explicit sexuality as the central presenting issue isn't going to fly.

SarahSweden · Sep 15, 2015 at 06:16 PM

Thanks for giving your perspectives on this, I appreciate it. Thanks for the words about how I express myself in my post.

I didn´t take any offense by what you said. I agree to what you say, I never was that kind of girl and now woman who fell in love or felt attracted to singers or "idols" in general. I´ve never felt or feel attracted just by looking at another person, I need to know more and feel that a person is appealing in other ways than just by looks.

I have wondered "why" that is many times as I often heard about other girls talking about boys they found cute, especially in our teens but I never shared that experience with them.

I think I feel a bit embarrased by just the thought of being attracted to someone, to want someone. I don´t know why that is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Everyone has made some very good points. And you are amazing at making yourself understood (I'm afraid I'm not so good at that, but here goes....)

Please do not take offense at anything I say...

When I was young and I had not had a boyfriend, I also wondered what the heck all the fuss was about. I did not get it.

The thing is, if you haven't had sex, (or found anyone that you WANT to have sex with) then you wouldn't have any kind of reference for it.

Perhaps you need real emotional attachment before you are able to feel desire. This isn't wrong. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way...

Just a thought...

Aaditya · Sep 16, 2015 at 02:16 AM

Please consider a visit to a therapist because that can help dispel many notions about having sex and that will, I believe, ease the situation immensely.

SarahSweden · Sep 19, 2015 at 02:27 PM

Yes, I would really want a T to work with on those issues but it´s not that easy to find one. Do you mean a T could "explain" things around sex and because of that make me feel more at ease about how I feel about sex?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaditya

Please consider a visit to a therapist because that can help dispel many notions about having sex and that will, I believe, ease the situation immensely.

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Don´t want to be a "receiver" for someone elses sexual needs

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Aaditya Junior Member Member Since Oct 2014 Location: Bhaarat Posts: 11 10 1 hugs given	Sep 16, 2015 at 02:16 AM #24 Please consider a visit to a therapist because that can help dispel many notions about having sex and that will, I believe, ease the situation immensely. __________________
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