My husband WANTS me to abuse him?

So recently my husband has been asking for some new and different things in the bedroom - and I'm not quite sure what to make of them, or how to feel about it.

He likes me to slap him. Hard. I can tell how much he likes it because I can actually watch his pupils dilate when I hit him. I don't mind slapping him if that's what he likes. I don't really get anything out of it, but I like to make him happy, and I can tell he REALLY likes it. So whatever - if he likes me to be in that type of 'position of power' and slap him occasionally, I will do it to make him happy. It doesn't bother me, but it doesn't do anything for me either.

The thing I'm wanting advice about is the 'abusing' him part. The other day, midway through sex with me on top he asked me to: "abuse me, verbally too". I simply replied that I wouldn't know what to say and slapped him again.

So I'm asking for advice. What types of things could I say to him? I don't want to actually hurt his feelings, and I don't really feel comfortable with lying either... I don't really know what he wants or how to give it to him. Anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? Thanks!

I get this situation. I understand that it may seem odd, but some men have been forced by society to play a dominant role throughout their lives, and at some point just need to be submissive by letting someone else take the dominant position.

I'm like this too. In bed I've always expected my wife to take the lead and say what she wants. As a male, it can be over too fast otherwise. In my case I'm bisexual so there's a level further I want my wife to go. I would like her to "make" me do gay things such as **** sex, sucking on penises/dildos, rimming her, etc. This is kind of a balance point between her dominance, my submissiveness and my homosexual side.

Your husband likely just wants to submit to you, doing whatever you ask or what you desire....with YOU in control. You can't tell him that you desire him to be in control. He wants you to put him in his place. He wants you to reward him when he does right, and punish him when he does wrong. Even calling him names will let him feel your power over him, as he can't respond without getting a punishment.

Normally this all happens naked, though even getting to the point of "letting" him be naked can be a control feature. You are right to make sure that you don't "really" want to hurt him...he is likely looking for some pain to raise the level of arousal, but too much pain can remove any desire.

Now I know that this doesn't do much for you, but like some parts of relationships you may have to play a role. It may not be a normal role, but it appears to be one that gives him satisfaction and pleasure.

I'll give you one last example. I hurt my back many years ago and I cannot feel my penis...I have difficulty maintaining an erection and having an orgasm. Now periodically I do actually ask my loving wife to squeeze my testicles until it hurts. Why you ask? So I can feel something down there. She says she doesn't want to hurt me, but in reality sometimes I just need to feel, even if it is pain.

I hope my perspective helps, even if it is a level "odder" than what your husband wants.

I'm a female who also enjoys similair things. I have limits, and you should establish a "safe word" so he can have an out while still playing like he's in pain. What he wants you to say verbally he should probably help you out there. some guys like being totally humiliated, and some just want racy language.

Siren, I can't be of much help because I can't say the words on the forum for you to use, but I hope that you enjoy it a little. I like both being dominated a bit and being dominate. I have never been asked to be "abused" but, I have asked for some good old fashioned "dirty talk" a few times; it helps me know that my partner is with me. I am sorry that you are still having some issues in the bedroom. (I need to thank you for this post.) If he likes you to smack him around enjoy it, most men are the ones that usually do that and it usually isn't pretty. So have fun my friend.

I was with some one who very much enjoyed what your husband likes. At first I didn't take it seriously. This wasn't good for our relationship, so I decided it would be wise for me to understand what she enjoyed. The best thing that help me understand was to do research. By doing this it helped me understand how she was enjoying enjoying the experience.

Really what you need to do is have a conversation with your husband. Ask him what his limits are when it comes to you saying things to him. Communication is key when it comes to these type of things.

I've also being thinking that "abuse" is not really a good word, but I can understand in the context of wanting someone to call me "names" and to physically inflict pain. I know there are limits but, I don't think that there would be anything more arousing or satisfying that for my wife to have me in a physically submissive posture (ie. only hands and knees, held by a collar and leash), being made to perform sexually immasculating acts (ie. oral sex on another man), being called names (ie. sissy, ******, *****) and admitting to her that I enjoy it all and want more.

Any one of those individual things could be considered abusive and wrong by some, but for me it would bring me to a point where I could no better show my devotion/submission to her, no better show my true sexual self and for her to no better show her acceptance of who I am.

The reality is, this will likely never happen and I am sure that many people likely can't see "my logic" in my statements. But somehow in my heart, mind and soul...the above described scenario demonstrates that I am completely hers and willing to give all for her.

It is difficult to know the line between abuse and acceptable pain. Some may have bigger limits. Ultimately up to the submissive to set the limits. If he tells you to squeeze his testicles, then squeeze them until he tells you to stop.

Boy, that's quite a request. If it's not in one to abuse somebody...I can't see it happening. I think he needs to reword it if he meant something like "bad boy". Abuse would be like bringing out the leather strap and screaming at him....plenty of that in my lifetime.

I've used the word "abuse me" before, but my partner knew what I was talking about. I think a talk is on order.