Sexual abuse on the internet????

well i saw sandy webs post about cyber sex....so i dont hijack her post i decided to make my own post because i am very very confused. When i was younger like 14/15 i loved the internet and i always wanted a big brother...it will come together later....well i had a guy cousin who was like 23 at the time and we used to talk alot. I looked up to him as a big brother. And then all of sudden we were online talking....and he told me he was mast*rbting.....and i was like eww dont tell me that....and then he started telling me things he wanted to do with me.....and i was scared speechless...i was like what????? What are you doing....and then after he kept doing this for awhile he came over to my house when no one was home....and he said he wanted to kiss me and all that....and he went into the bathroom and told me he needed toliet paper and i went to give him some and he...exposed himself to me...and i slammed the door terrified....now here is the sad horrible horrible part on my account...its partly my fault...i so wanted a big brother..i wanted to be protected and loved and everything and when he wouldnt shut up online about stuff he wanted to do with me i just was like yea...uhuh...i let him go on and on...i told him to stop but he didnt...so after awhile i gave up....i gave up trying...i LET him kiss me...i LET him come over to myself and i feel so bad....i feel so horrible..i mean WHY did i let him do that??? So thats not considered abuse is it??? What does that mean??? What does that mean........im so confused...is it my fault?? He leaves me alone now....mainly because i was around 16 when he told me hed take me to the mall (the same things i wanted from like a big brother) and when i refused to kiss him or do it with him at the back of the mall...then he stood me up and never showed up...i was devistated..and the next time after that i screamed at him online and said i wont take it anymore and i will only talk to him if he doesnt say anything at all about that...like i would IM him and the first thing he would say was....i think your soooo hot what do you want ...or one time he told me i went to the bathroom and in that time he stole my underwear from my drawer....what do any of you make from this??? I no longer really have any contact with him...but that so confusing for me....i am sooo confused on how to handle this...any comments would be appreciated and if it is really my fault please tell me and i will definitly do a turn around and check myself and my actions.

It sounds like he is trying/tried to exploit you. I understand the dilemma, though.
I have encountered similar situations where I wanted to stay in contact with someone, but they had other aspects of themselves which really discusted me (or something similar.)

I dunno all the details and full history, but if I were you, I'd continue to stay away from him.

Ohhhhh so many ((((hugs)))) I can't even count them.... I always wish I had the right words to help people feel better -

For myself, I would have been so scared, and no it is Not your fault ....

Yes I definitely believe he sexually exploited you! And yes that is considered abuse.

I don't know that you can take the responsibility for what he did to you. You did ask him to stop. Even if you hadn't asked him to stop, your emotional need for a protector and caretaker was so great you clung to that. You were helpless against his exploitations. He could've just been there for you as a big brother, yet he chose to exploit you. So that makes him responsible for what happened.

I better stop right here cuz there's a well of anger rising in me against that male cousin of yours.

Not only was there sexual abuse on the internet but he did it in person as well, when he came over to your house.

It is so confusing, cuz you need his love yet he is using you. The confusion may make it hard to allow yourself to be angry at what he did. I think part of the confusion is that there is both pleasure in it yet a boundary violation at the same time. Kind of like there's a boundary violation yet it is mixed with pleasure of some sort. The pleasure can be physical, or the emotional pleasure of having his attention.

Gentle hugs to you. From cyber-space.

ITS NOT UR FAULT

U DID NOTHING WRONG

((((((((inny)))))))))

not feeling up to posting much but this needs to be said
IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I would stay away from him, tell someone you trust if you need to enforce it.

He is taking advantage of you in that situation and you don't deserve that.