Stop Masturbating

Hi

This is really embarrassing btw.

I'm a 20 year old female, and I'm struggling with masturbating. I've come to the conclusion over the last few years that I'm asexual, since the only love I've ever felt for someone is more like family love and I've never been attracted to anyone in a sexual way. I can appreciate good looking guys but I'm not sexually attracted to them, and I've absolutely no interest in women.

But my problem is that I've always felt drawn to BDSM style things and I hate it It's the only thing that ever makes me get sexually excited, I think I'm attracted to the act and rush of excitement rather than anything else. I'm a virgin, I'm not interested in sex or romance, but this pull towards BDSM keeps dragging me to masturbate and I can't seem to quit. It's not an addiction that I'm doing multiple times a day, but when I get the idea in my head I eventually cave in.

The problem is as soon as I finish, I feel disgusted by myself and lose all interest in anything like that, I seem to get grumpy as well.

Please help, I just want to get away from this, it makes me feel like a loser (my confidence is quite low anyway) and feel old. A massive part of me is a bit like Peter Pan and this is like a dark alter ego that takes me over until I do what it wants.

Any advice appreciated, thanks for reading if you got this far

First of all, there's nothing wrong with masturbating or BDSM. You don't need to feel guilty at all about anything you mentioned. I'm also drawn to BDSM, and I consider it just a healthy fantasy, not something wrong with me. We've all got our kinks. You don't have to "figure out" what it makes you, as far as your identity. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Yes there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to masturbating even though some are taught, like me, that's it's evil & a filthy habit. What a horrible way of looking at your body.
Masturbating is a beautiful way of fulfilling a desire! It's a gift of self exploration. Usually the ones that say it's not right are the ones that question their own body.

I've been in the bdsm lifestyle for 3 yrs now. I'm very proud of that. It's not something I tell my friends & neighbors, but I know I've learned a great deal about myself & my body.
If you seek an alternative lifestyle or bdsm then follow it. Do your homework before you dive in. Baby steps & test the waters. Explore. Have fun.
There are only rules in your mind. Bdsm is what you make it. Your kink may not be my kink & that's FINE!!!
Don't confine yourself to limits & societies rules. Make your own!!
PM me if you'd like to chat.
Wish you the very best!

I've felt the same way; but in a different way. I have begun masturbating in my earlier teen years to ABDL type situations. I'm not into ABDL, but I find the partial nudity of the girls really arousing. I have done that on binges. I've started to decrease my masturbation, which in turn limits my desire to view porn, or ABDL, sites.

The binging cycle is quite normal for those of us who have not accepted that we crave a fetish. Particularly when we feel humiliated by it and start self shaming after indulging in any activity related to the fetish.

There were several things that I did that ended up helping me to accept who I am. First my wife found out about my fetish and refused to participate, in fact she finds it mildly repulsive. Although this put a strain on the relationship, hearing the worst from the person I loved the most showed me that I wasn't going to be rejected for who I am nor was I going to die of shame. I also started becoming involved in online communities. Many fetishes (and BDSM is no exception) have online communities, start out with a mild forum and read about how other people coped with accepting themselves, how they have integrated it into their lives with as little disruption as possible and any other worries you might have. For me this allowed me to realize for the first time how common my fetish really is and the difficulties we shared. Any problem I had has already been a problem for millions of people and I read what worked for them. Finally self help books in self acceptance can help. They are cheesy at times but the fact is we should learn to love ourselves for who we are not try to live up to the standards of someone else.

Anyway after all of that may I ask why you feel disgusted with yourself after masturbation? Is it religious objections? A fear that you will be rejected if it is ever found out? Is it considered unacceptable by your family? Finding out why you feel this way is really going to be the first step in acceptance.

Thanks for all your replies, I appreciate it.

I feel disgusted by myself I think because of partly my families religion (catholic) not because my family have ever mentioned masturbating or give an opinion on it. I think the other thing is as I'm done I lose all interest in it and feel quite down afterwards. I think you're right about binges, if I start to think about related to it, it turns into having to do it and nothing else matters, but when I'm done all interest in anything like that goes.

I'm struggling to grow up I think, I've always been quite serious, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, party or anything like that because I don't see the point in it. I feel kind of like I'm still a teenager, and I'm desperate to not get stuck in the adult cycle (Work your whole life, then die) I want to make a difference, but I'm all over the place. To me masturbating and sex were never of much interest until this masturbating thing started. Sorry if this sounds all over the place, but I don't talk to many people and my thoughts tend to bottle up

Listen Cheese, if this is what gets you off don't be ashamed and enjoy it. Your sexuality is just that yours do with it what you will. Just don't hurt yourself or beat yourself up about it, you are your best friend.

When I feel like that - disgusted right after - it's usually because it reminds me we're really just animals. The grumpy, frustrated thing for me comes from wanted to be that "satisfied" by the real thing.