I like i rough?

lookinmyeyes · 08:41 PM

I am a female, and I have recently learned that I enjoy being a little rough in the bedroom. I was recently on an anonymous app where I was talking to someone in a private chat and he started telling me all the things he would do to me if he was with me, normally as soon as someone starts to do this type of thing (being sexual) I stop the whole conversation immediately. But, as a surprise to myself I was actually enjoying it, I liked that he was calling me a **** and telling me that he wanted to choke me and pull my hair ect. I feel like this goes against everything I believe in is this a psychological problem or is this completely normal?

Nov 20, 2015 at 11:24 PM

I think whatever your libido tells you as long as your own morals and ethics don't mind.

I am a feminist who likes things rough myself. I don't think those 2 things are mutually exclusive.

Phreak · Nov 21, 2015 at 03:14 PM

It's almost certainly a psychological manifestation of something or other, generally based upon past experiences.

Ultimately exploring atypical sexual practices is entirely normal - as effectively we're all a little messed up in one way or another in this world.

ChipperMonkey · Nov 22, 2015 at 01:11 AM

As long as you're of legal age and things are consensual, then in general, its not an issue. (I say "consensual" as in truly giving consent....not being worn down, beaten down and finally giving in without a fight.) Some people like it rough. There's nothing wrong with it unless it is causing deeper issues for you.

Patagonia · Nov 23, 2015 at 01:29 PM

Sorry I have to disagree w/ Phreak. I don't think it's psychological. I believe we're all wired differently & some enjoy tender intimacy it can be a turn off to others. I don't think this is atypical sex. I think this is healthy & normal.
But look at what you're taught about relationships from toddler on up. Society does not condone different sexual appetites. Which is why we stay in the dark. Most think it's from a bad past experience. Look at 50 shades. He must be a sadist bec of his past. How about the movie The Secretary. She wanted to be dominated bec she was a cutter. This is hollywood's spin on making everyone "feel better."
I love kink. And it's not bec of my past. It's the way I am!

Now AFA chat rooms I've discovered that most men can talk the talk, but when it comes time to walk the walk they can't. Mom taught them that it was wrong. Society did. Movies did. They must be bad!
Ugh.
Safe. Sane. Consentual. Always

Webgoji · Nov 25, 2015 at 08:19 AM

I think it's more normal than most people believe. Funny thing is, the wifey likes it rough, but I feel terrible being rough with her. I have to emotionally work myself up to be able to be that way.

ladytiger · Nov 25, 2015 at 10:27 AM

"Society does not condone different sexual appetites. Which is why we stay in the dark. Most think it's from a bad past experience."

So true. I love kink and part of the community. I love having my hair pulled and being called a slut in the bedroom also love being choked. There's nothing wrong with it as long as you're consenting adults. If you decide to meet this guy, I'd lay out things to negotiate before ****ing in the bedroom.

Nov 25, 2015 at 10:54 AM

It is pretty easy.
Some people like this because of psychological "stuff" as Phreak indicated.
Others simply like it.
Just examine your feelings after you explore this. If you feel ashamed or guilty, it isn't something you should do either way.
You do need to do things safely however, so you should look into that.
There is a whole BDSM community out there and many things you can read to stay safe.

This is straight from Wikipedia:

Quote:

Psychology[edit]
It has been claimed that BDSM stems from childhood abuse: research indicates that there is no evidence for this claim.[67]

There are a number of reasons commonly given for why a sadomasochist finds the practice of S&M enjoyable, and the answer is largely dependent on the individual. For some, taking on a role of compliance or helplessness offers a form of therapeutic escape; from the stresses of life, from responsibility, or from guilt. For others, being under the power of a strong, controlling presence may evoke the feelings of safety and protection associated with childhood. They likewise may derive satisfaction from earning the approval of that figure (see: Servitude (BDSM)). A sadist, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority that comes from playing the dominant role, or receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist. It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms.[citation needed] Dr. Joseph Merlino, author and psychiatry adviser to the New York Daily News, said in an interview that a sadomasochistic relationship, as long as it is consensual, is not a psychological problem:

It's a problem only if it is getting that individual into difficulties, if he or she is not happy with it, or it's causing problems in their personal or professional lives. If it's not, I'm not seeing that as a problem. But assuming that it did, what I would wonder about is what is his or her biology that would cause a tendency toward a problem, and dynamically, what were the experiences this individual had that led him or her toward one of the ends of the spectrum.

— Joseph Merlino, [68]
It is agreed on by some psychologists that experiences during early sexual development can have a profound effect on the character of sexuality later in life. Sadomasochistic desires, however, seem to form at a variety of ages. Some individuals report having had them before puberty, while others do not discover them until well into adulthood. According to one study, the majority of male sadomasochists (53%) developed their interest before the age of 15, while the majority of females (78%) developed their interest afterwards (Breslow, Evans, and Langley 1985). The prevalence of sadomasochism within the general population is unknown. Despite female sadists being less visible than males, some surveys have resulted in comparable amounts of sadistic fantasies between females and males.[69] The results of such studies demonstrate that one's sex does not determine preference for sadism.[70]

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Anonymous37883 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 20, 2015 at 11:24 PM #2 I think whatever your libido tells you as long as your own morals and ethics don't mind. I am a feminist who likes things rough myself. I don't think those 2 things are mutually exclusive.
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Phreak Veteran Member Member Since Mar 2012 Posts: 734 12 184 hugs given	Nov 21, 2015 at 03:14 PM #3 It's almost certainly a psychological manifestation of something or other, generally based upon past experiences. Ultimately exploring atypical sexual practices is entirely normal - as effectively we're all a little messed up in one way or another in this world.
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ChipperMonkey Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2014 Location: Somewhere/Anywhere/Nowhere Posts: 1,516 9 263 hugs given	Nov 22, 2015 at 01:11 AM #4 As long as you're of legal age and things are consensual, then in general, its not an issue. (I say "consensual" as in truly giving consent....not being worn down, beaten down and finally giving in without a fight.) Some people like it rough. There's nothing wrong with it unless it is causing deeper issues for you. __________________ Will work for bananas.
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Webgoji Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2013 Location: Wichita, Ks Posts: 3,535 10 993 hugs given	Nov 25, 2015 at 08:19 AM #6 I think it's more normal than most people believe. Funny thing is, the wifey likes it rough, but I feel terrible being rough with her. I have to emotionally work myself up to be able to be that way. __________________ Helping to create a kinder, gentler world by flinging poo.
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