Are there any natural ways to become asexual?

I'm in a long-term marriage to an asexual lesbian, who is perfectly content with a no-sex marriage and without looking outside the marriage for a lesbian lover. We share a great deal, and have had a good life together (no children) other than in the area of sex and desire. So my question is: are there any natural ways (diet, herbal teas) to lose libido? It's more than slightly weird to be at a time of life when many other men my age are desperately seeking to revive or maintain their libido - and I would be so much happier and more at peace without mine!

No answers (from me) - only just noticed this forum


I hope the best for you

Why are you married to a lesbian if you are a man? What's the story here?

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[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

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I don't think this is a healthy endeavor.

I agree, either you are born asexual, or you're not. You can't supress libido at will.

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[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

One thing is asexuality, as Artchic said, which you're born with, and other thing is abstinence or celibacy, which is a choice.

I, for example, mostly don't have sex until I meet someone I'm really interested in. I must have a certain connection or affinity with the person. I like long-term relationships. And I'm fine with that.

I'm confused about being an asexual lesbian. I thought asexual meant no sexual attraction to either sex and lesbian meant a woman who is sexually attracted to women.

Then again what do I know? They keep changing definitions! I had a lesbian friend give me a new one after I said I'm primarily straight and mainly interested in men, although I'd never entirely rule out dating a female. I was a bit stunned that she thought she could change my label, and said thanks, but I'll just stick with straight lol.

Sexuality is a spectrum. You can be mostly straight, but a little bit interested in the same sex, or vise versa. There are many different places to be on this spectrum. I am bisexual, or somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, for example.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

I found the longer I was celibate, the less I wanted it. Now I feel asexual as I have had zero interest in anyone for many years now. It seems you have been on a similar path to me - but your libido remains intact. So - that to me says you should perhaps get permission from your wife to go looking elsewhere for fulfilment, rather than to try and deny it.

Yeah, I get the spectrum bit, ie from straight to bisexual to gay....I just don't understand the plethora of new labels. Oh, part of why she gave me a new label was because I said I'd be open to dating a transsexual. Apparently that warrants a new identity? Who knew?

I wouldn't recommend it personally, but your best bet is to focus on other non-sexual activities. Exercise can help relieve tension as well. Maybe do volunteer work somewhere which will keep you focused.

It is incorrect to call oneself Asexual and Lesbian because, as you've stated, that is contradictory. It would be more apt to call her homo-romantic, or something like that. An asexual is perfectly capable of finding others physically attractive and developing romantic feelings. Some don't, of course. The only thing we lack is a desire to engage in sexual activity. For some it is a dull chore, for others it is absolutely revolting.
I agree that the constant addition of new terms can be a bit frustrating, but I am glad this particular sexuality is becoming a bit more well-known. I grew up under the assumption that I was bisexual because I found men and women equally attractive. That being not at all. Then I discovered people want to engage in sexual activities and hug and kiss. I always assumed everyone else thought it was disgusting too, but no. People look at one another and have a desire to mate. They find sex-organs appealing. They wish to spend day after day with someone who regularly invades their personal space. When I finally read about asexuality, I no longer felt as though I were some callous alien incapable of basic human desires.

My wife of 30 plus years was never very into sex with me, and with the years, seemed less and less interested. When I really pushed, demanding that we see a sex-therapist together, she finally confessed to herself and to me that all her deepest attractions had been to other women friends, and that she'd had one very brief lesbian affair in the past. Now she's not interested in looking elsewhere, for a lesbian relationship, but she has zero sexual desire for me or for anyone, so 'asexual' (at least in my book).

If by some miracle my wife rediscovered her desire for sexual connection, it would surely be with another woman, which would sign the end of our marriage.

At our age, we cannot really afford divorce, and we still share a good many interests, pleasures, a host of friends. Everything that makes a good marriage, except any sexual exchange. But we want to stay together. My wife seems unable to offer any compromise, any physical connection, beyond the occasional hug or cuddle. So I have to come to terms with a sexless marriage, with celibacy that I have not chosen, that has been forced on me.

This is the background to my search for ways of diminishing or eliminating my libido. It would be funny, if it wasn't such a serious question for me. There is SO much on the web to help revive flagging sex-drives, so much discussion, so many fora. And next to nothing for people like me. Try a web search for 'anti-aphrodisiac' and see! And all the serious therapists and doctors that I've talked to say that there are no reliable chemical, medical or herbal remedies.

I'm now coming to the end of therapy, and am coming off antidepressants. Perhaps still more 'resigned' than 'at peace'. But at least I now better understand why my wife has and can have no real desire for me. So I've abandoned all hope of some miraculous change for the better.

OP, you might try creatine. It's a natural substance, found in small amounts in some food (mainly red meat I believe), and sold over-the-counter as a food supplement for weightlifters. A common side-effect is to reduce libido.