unwanted sexual thoughts

Hi there. I am new to this site and I am looking for some help. I have a really embarrassing problem and can't bring myself up to talking to a therapist about it. If anyone has any helpful ideas or suggestions, I would really appreciate it.

I've been having really disturbing sexual thoughts when my boyfriend and I are fooling around. I understand that people have weird thoughts sometimes but this is something I'm really obsessing over and can't get rid of. I often cannot enjoy sex because I'm so worried about these obtrusive thoughts popping up, and when the unwanted thoughts do come to me, my body suddenly has a physical reaction to it. My muscles suddenly feel very tense in that "area" and sometimes it almost starts to feel better when these weird thoughts happen. But mentally I feel really disgusted and we stop right away. I'm pretty sure I don't like these things, I am very disgusted by them, but then why does my body react to them??

I read that unwanted sexual thoughts can be a sign of OCD, and I do have other OCD symptoms such as obsessive worrying and checking to make sure the stove is off five times. I'm just worried that it may be something worse, since my body has a reaction to these thoughts.

I feel like a horrible person. I'm really scared and confused and its making me sick. I'm afraid to talk to a therapist because he or she may tell me that I'm some kind of creep who wants these things. Honestly I don't think I could live with that.

Thanks for taking the time to read this...let me know if you have had a similar problem or have any suggestions...thank you.

trust me, a therapist has heard everything. there will be no judgment. i've been told things that i never thought i'd hear and it didn't change my relationship with the patient. good luck, pat

I definitely would share with your therapist. Were you abused? Sounds like your body is having flashbacks and maybe your mind isn't there yet?

Tranquility

Hi lily, read my post in the anxiety section on HOCD recovery. If it sounds like you, then you probably have OCD. If it does, see a therapist who specializes in OCD. Do your research and good luck.

Hi goofyv

I just wanted to thank you for your reply, it was very helpful. I read your post on HOCD and it seems like I am going through something very similar. Hopefully I can talk myself into seeing an OCD therapist, but its hard since I am very shy to begin with and this is so embarrassing.

Thanks again.

Hi lilly, believe me, I've been there. I was afraid that the therapist was going to tell me I was really gay and I would get used to the thoughts, but that was not the real issue. The real issue was me thinking there was some substance to the thoughts. I knew the thoughts were strange and didn't make sense. I've had many girlfriends even before the onset of my OCD and I've never desired a same-sex encounter. It just didn't interest me. What really made me realize that the thoughts are just "thoughts" was that everybody, even people without OCD have bizarre thoughts from time to time. It's just that a non-sufferor is able to let them go easier. Your head just picked this subject to obsess about. Do your research and I hope you get the courage to see someone who knows about OCD. Here are some resources that helped me: www.ocdonline.com, google the name Dr. Fred Penzel, he has some great articles about OCD even specific to what you may be going through. Try reading this http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php. It really made me realize I was dealing with a anxiety issue and not a sexuality issue. But you have to want to get over this. You have to stay committed to beating this. I was just fed up with it and I wanted my life back. That's what I did and I know you can too. Good luck.

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

Please know that unwanted sexual thoughts is a problem that ever one at one time or another has had happen to them... you are no different and you are not a creep nor are you sick - you are just normal...... so smile.

And please know that I agree with Fayerody on this one..... most T have heard it all and 95% of them do NOT judge you for any thing you tell them, for they understand how the wounded and mixed up mind can play tricks on a person.

Not to mention that I myself have had to talk to my own T about some really sick and unspeakable sexual acts that were done to me when I was sexually abused as a young child - your T should be there to HELP you NOT JUDGE YOU.