Timid girl or just sexually disinterested

I have been having issues lately mainly with my sleep and just my depression and whatever I go out but I mainly hang out with boys because I just have more male friends then female friends. Anyway, I have found that when they'd invite me to their house they wanted more from me like sex. They would start touching me and everytime I'd act submissively like I enjoyed it and didn't mind it, I have no idea why I do it I just can't help be submissive towards guys because I feel like I don't really have power or strength to stand up to them. Anyway one guy touched me and asked me if I want oral I said "no" because I didn't go to his house for sexual favours or whatever. Anyway, he made up rumors when I was at a party for another male friend telling these strangers that he did more like finger said I was a communal c#*t" I wasn't very happy with that and felt powerless especially since he touched me but I didn't like it. Anyway, in this party there was another guy named Ben and we talked briefty and he paid for my lunch and he had a girlfriend but anyway we are chatting pretty much the whole time he is saying sexual ****. I was uncomfortable didn't know what to say was annoyed with the topic of conversation felt like there was "bees" in my head. Anyway, he invites me to his house remember he has a girlfriend cooks for me does the same thing the other guy does starts touching me sexually but this got farther he touched my tits and actually put his mouth on it. Meanwhile I am smiling but I am dying inside because I felt uncomfortable and it was going to fast for me didn't know what he wanted with me. I was thinking like hang on your girlfriend is just in the other home meanwhile I am submissively kissing him because that's what he wants me to do. I go home, I am not the same meanwhile he is still trying to get into my pants messaging me on Facebook. I am still submissive didn't even think to myself of saying that I thought there was something wrong with what he did. It didn't even come to me to defend myself. Instead I get Kevin a friend of Ben's to defend me and talk to him about it. This all happened in September and ever since it's happened I've felt like a piece of meat that has no say in what she truly wants. I've felt confused I've felt lost and everyday all I can think about is how worried I am that a man well touch me. It has gotten to the point where I've felt like running away from the entire male race because I am worried that I am in a situation like this that I will be submissive again just because I am afraid that the angry will get angry at me and might hurt me. I have thought long and hard that maybe it means I am cracked human being or that maybe I am not as straight as I think. This stuff happening to me just made me feel so powerless that I have sunkin back into depression and it was bringing up memories of other negative things that have happened to me. When I was 14 my uncle tried to have sex with me and was talking sexually to me on Yahoo messenger. It was bringing up the time when his son my cousin wanted to have sex and he kept hounding me for it until I gave into him because I was blanking out and was too afraid to know what was happening to me. I just feel so powerless because even my family wanted to have sex with me and it makes me think that I am ment to be powerless because this keeps on happening to me. I know guys get sexually attracted to girls but I am tired of having to feel like I have to hide from males because I fear they will cross that line.

Hi black-roses. I'm sorry to hear of your experiences with men. I see the title of your thread, and I have to say that you strike me as neither timid nor disinterested. I mean, perhaps you are timid, I'm not sure, but it seems to me (and I could be wrong) that the way you are with men now is an extension of your experiences with your uncle and cousin. Have you considered getting help with this? Talking to someone? I'm not sure if you realize, because you said that you don't want to say no and anger them, and possibly have them hurt you as a result, but they're hurting you already. Also, I'm not sure if these are people you spend time around on a regular basis because that's not entirely clear, but you may want to stop spending time around men alone, one on one, if you don't feel you can defend yourself or say 'no' or 'stop'. You are not there for other people's amusement or pleasure, you are your own person and do not deserve to be treated the way you are describing. I hope you find a way through this. Welcome to PC.

I understand I am not a woman but I am a guy who has watched these (types) of guys in action. First of all its not about timidity or being weak really, but you want and need friends and to these guys your need/want makes you easy prey. To them they think you are willing to put up with anything in order to keep your friends. These guys aren't really your friends, unfortunately, it is very hard for men to separate sexual from platonic especially with an attractive woman. A lot of women can't be friends with other women they just don't get along. I am not sure how you feel about this suggestion but I am sure you could find a great group of male friends that are gay or just one good gay guy friend and they will be truly interested in you rather than just having sexual with you and taking advantage unless it is for something other than sex. You need someone who has your back no matter what.

I guess I understand now why I feel so uncomfortable around men I feel like they can't be my friends without at least trying to sleep with me which just kind of enforces my depression and despair because I always wanted a male friend that could have my back. There was this one male friend but he was an idiot joked that he showed his friends my boobs I didn't think it was funny and I attacked him I have just felt deep sadness because I feel like I can't be friends with guys with out them trying to sexually assault me with their hands.

As long as you feel incapable of standing up for yourself around guys who aren't your friends in the first place as its obvious they have no respect for you. The word NO is great because it sorts out the guys who respect you & gets rid of those who don't & only want you for the sex they can get. Sounds like you have had some sexual abuse in your past making NO harder to say...but not impossible to learn to stand up for yourself & your values. Maybe you haven't determined your sound values or boundaries either. Might be something to work on in therapy if you do have a T.

I spent my life having guy friends, but I had my valued & boundaries that I wouldn't give on & they respected that & those that didn't...I had nothing to do with. Their loss, my gain because I also respected myself.

I still hold with my values after I left a long bad marriage. I don't need sex with guys to give me value in life & I know guys like that AREN'T real friends they are only their for their own SELFISH needs.

Stop hanging around guys until you gain enough self-esteem & courage to say no. Choose guys more WISELY in the first place & you won't be encountering guys like this in the first place.

I could never relate to women as I was more career oriented so it was easier being friends with guys & with cast in concrete boundaries I didn't have a problem