Well, I Did It

I may have never even said this on here or talked about it, but I recently came out as bi to my family. I don't even think I ever told anybody else on here, I really kept it to myself for a very long time. I even have told my therapist about it recently. It was a big relief to actually have gotten it out there. I have to say it took a lot of guts on my part, especially with my family.

My therapist obviously didn't react negatively. He seemed to understand, and coincidentally his brother is bisexual. So, it wasn't anything unusual or unheard of to him. I'll say even though obviously I knew he wouldn't start flaming me about it, I was surprised about the brother.

Telling my family was difficult, because I really didn't know what to expect. I was scared that they might hear that and go into a judgmental rage, kicking me out of the house, and removing me from the family entirely. I used to hear voices constantly, and they always told me that if I told them this was what would happen. I don't really hear voices anymore, except very occasionally. The fact that I told them in spite of this really amazes me a lot.

I remember that first night I told them months ago. I said something to the effect of, "Well, I kind of have some issues sexually." She asked me what, and I told her that I had feelings for other guys. She just kind of jokingly said something about "we can validate that" and made a joke/half serious comment about watching Brokeback Mountain.

Unfortunately, it didn't just stay with that. It hasn't gone completely to **** though, luckily. Why, I'm not really sure. At first she didn't really believe me fully, I think. Anyways, I kind of made the point more clear after a while. This ended up stirring up a bunch of stereotypes. My Mom starts saying things about me not being able to commit, and a bunch of stuff. She still says she always wants to be "close" with me and that she loves me regardless....... but she associates what I'm telling her with somebody that would have orgies

For some reason, I kind of chickened out and started minimizing it. I just didn't want them to keep thinking these things about me. This worked, and they stopped saying this stuff. So, basically I had to come out all over again I told them how I had a thing for my friend in the past, and explained it a little more. This seemed to go okay, and the negativity seemed to have gone away. My Mom even wanted to play a guessing game seeing who it was that I liked.

The thing is I didn't want to say though for some reason. Part of it was because the person it actually was amazingly was even more of a screw up than me. He was pretty much just one of those friends where the main common ground is simply doing drugs. Why it was that I thought about him like that I don't know She didn't really know him at all though, so that didn't matter. Still, I just didn't want to say for some reason.

Later on, I asked her how she felt about it all. I was hoping that things were better than the last time, but they were just different. My Mom starts saying that she's not shocked or really having a reaction and that she is just "numb" from everything that has happened over the years with everything. However, she says that this is somehow not "all because of me". She says that it's my life, and that I have a right to my own "choices" as an adult. However, she keeps using the word "choice" and says, "Parents don't have to agree with all the choices their adult children make." However, she's still saying that she'd always love me and all those sorts of things. At the same time, she admits to me that she finds this "disturbing".

After that though, I was kind of grumpy a lot. I was just on edge, because of this. I was often kind of argumentative and just very tense. This persisted for several days, because I was bothered by the last conversation. I didn't want to talk about it though, but I was just tense. I was often being quite ornery and lashing out a bit, because of this. My tension was creating tension in the house in general. Things were quite argumentative and dysfunctional at points, because I was very tense and agitated after that conversation.

So, after this passes, I think we've made it into the clear....... not yet. We go to a parade and there's something gay-related, and it says something about aids awareness on it. I notice she has a slightly angry looking reaction to the float at the time, but I'm unsure if I am just imagining it. Anyways, later on, we get home and she brings it up. She starts saying things about aids. She starts saying stuff about it, and she is seeming concerned. I am saying this isn't something really to worry about. The thing is I say there's a reason why it's not so much of an issue.

However, the reason is something I was very uncomfortable to say. Basically, I'm seriously, seriously not into the particular act that has the potential to lead to getting aids (e.g. using rear exits as entrances so to speak). Anyways, I know some of you are probably going to think this means I'm not like that and am just confused or something. Apparently though, it's actually not uncommon at all for a guy that's bi or even outright gay to not do that. That's not the only thing that one could do, and not being into that doesn't at all mean that one isn't that way. Of course, since I didn't want to get into all that, she continued to express her concerns that I could get aids. It's funny that when I was acting like there was something I was holding back on my Mom said something about it seeming like I had a "plan". Funny thing is I never have had a "plan" per say about anything, and to be honest I never even thought about aids or anything else like that until she brought it up

However, the tone began to escalate and escalate. She seemed to be getting angry me about it, I thought. As the conversation went on, the escalation continued. She started getting a yelling tone on the phone, and she even said that she thought I was "trying" this to go for "drama" and to get a reaction. This really angered me that she was saying that, but then when I explained this wasn't the case, she just responds by saying, 'Okay, then your gay.' I just didn't say anything, but I told her I was bi.... not purely gay. Then, yelling and yelling continued. She was clearly acting angry and also saying that I was immature. Furthermore, she went back to the aids thing and was saying she didn't think she'd be able to be a "caregiver" for me should I become debilitated from having aids. By this point, she is just screaming into the phone basically. She's just yelling and telling me that she sees me as immature (which she has said before), that I've been being so ornery lately (which was true at the time), and also talking about me being "gay". Then, she says that due to the fact that I am so ornery and hostile and immature, that this makes her feel like "what's the point" and basically saying it makes her feel hopeless. She continues to yell and yell over the phone, eventually hanging up. I was just relieved that she was going to stop this raging, angry behavior. It was seeming to be like what I thought would happen, a period of yelling and major upheaval followed by disownment. The disownment part didn't happen, but since this did..... I figured the latter would follow. I'm thinking to myself, "Looks like my voices were probably right after all " Then, she sends me an email saying she doesn't want things to be "so ****ed up" and that it would help if I wasn't so ornery.

The next day, there was a tension in the air for sure. However, I thought that she realized to stop going after me about it. I had said some things in an email to them, and I said something about how it would lead to more "experiences". The thing is, I didn't really mean sexual experiences. I just meant accepting myself has led to a better state of well being in general. So, I get in the car to go out with them. Then, while I am cornered in the car, they start telling me how they get that I intend to be promiscuous (a total misconception). They start saying how they don't see me as being able to be committed, because it wouldn't be possible. I'd have to be with a pre-op transgender person so it would be like having both at the same time, I'd need to cheat, I'd ditch someone very quickly because somebody else happens to catch my attention, just all sorts of nonsense. She also says that if a guy said something like that she wouldn't get involved with them. I asked, "Well what about just as a friend". She says, "Well maybe as a friend, but I don't know it would probably put me off if a guy said that they were bi". At this point, they are parked. I'm seriously considering just walking out of the car and leaving for good. I don't exactly know where I will go, but I'll just leave them and their lives forever I am thinking.

Then, I am in the hot tub at the gym. My Dad comes in and says that they were not "attacking" me. He claims that they were concerned about someone "taking advantage of me" whether it be emotionally, physically, or anything else. He was concerned that I'd be giving off "signals" to strange people. I said this wasn't true, and he seemed to believe me. So, that was good. I'm very angry about things, and I end up going out and getting completely drunk. I come home drunk, but just avoid the subjects as to avoid having an argument.

While completely smashed I was on facebook chatting with a friend. I told him about what had happened at home with this, and thus I came out to him as well. He had previously put "men and women" on the interested in section of facebook, but later changed it back to just women. He had it like that for like 2-3 weeks, and then switched it back. Don't exactly know what happened, but I figured it'd be a safe bet telling him about it. That went totally fine obviously.

Later that night, I sent them an email explaining things further about what I meant by it. I said clearly that it wasn't just like I'd be with random people or cheat or any of that stuff. I explain that I was interested in some of my friends at times, and that I'd be interesting in acting upon it if it was possible basically...... and I wasn't with a woman. I made myself very, very clear I think.

I was expecting it to just get the ******** back up and running again in the morning. However, that didn't happen. Instead, they say, "Thanks for sending the email. That all sounds good." She seemed happy I sent it, and things seemed to be on a more even keel after that. I ended up bringing it up again at a few different points, and it didn't descend into the yelling and backbiting again really. There was one time recently when it seemed a little bit like it could be on the verge. However, she didn't really say anything like before. Apparently, all the stereotyping had gotten out of their systems. The only thing she said was that if "that's the case", I'd need to have my own place. She wasn't kicking me out, just saying that if I was doing things of that nature with other guys I'd have to be under my own roof. That didn't seem unusual or anything I wouldn't have expected or figured. She did admit she found it "unsettling", but it was a big step up over the stereotypes and the past conversations about it.

They also said that they will always love and support me regardless. They definitely made a point of that it seemed. They said that they'd always love me and be supportive, and this would never change that. She said, "We'd always love you in spite of this or with this, and we'll always support you." So, at least it was good to know that they aren't going to treat me like a "disgrace" or something over this.

So, yeah it didn't go quite as badly as I expected. I'm glad that I told people though. I'll say that even though things have settled down, there's still part of me that fears it could all kick back up again for some reason. Things seem totally peaceful now. I've told them and everything, but things seemed to calm down from that business before thankfully.

Sorry for the long wall of text btw. I really appreciate it if you took the time to read all that

I'm glad things are turning out better for you, and yes, that IS brave. People are understanding gay people more and more these days, but bisexuality still lags behind in people's understanding and tolerance. I saw a Jimmy Fallon segment where they showed a commercial of people just blurting out their sexualities, "I'm straight and I love to shop here", "I'm gay and I love to shop here", and when one woman said, "I'm bisexual and I love to shop here", there was a noticeable uproar in the audience's reaction, more than the other customers. Most people still do tend to view bisexuals as being promiscuous. Hopefully that will change soon though. Good for your parents for supporting you.

It's got to feel good to be able to be honest with family. I envy that. Good for you for speaking out!

Congratulations on being so brave.

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