Feeling very bad about being a virgin at 35

I find it very frustrating and hard to live with the fact that I´m still a virgin at 35. I feel both ashamed and sad and since I began to think about it as an issue I think about it more or less every day.

I don´t have any medical problems and no other illnessess have prevented me from having sex. But I´ve never dated and one day I just realised that I´ve missed out on this part of my life and now it feels very hard to find a way to do something about it.

I don´t want any one night stands and at the same time it feels hard to imagine being in a relationship even if I would want to in some way. I feel exceptionally unnormal and it frightens me that I´m so unexperienced. It´s also a great sorrow that I´ve lived a life completely empty of love or affection.

I´ve had a few friends and don´t consider me having a social anxiety. But still there´s something "wrong". I´m looking for a T but don´t have one at the moment so I don´t have anyone to talk to about this.

So, you haven't gone on any dates at all? You might want to start with that first. No need to jump into sex; that will come along organically if you find someone you like who likes you, and you get along in general. Try dating in small steps, like just meeting on a first date, developing acquaintances and friendships, then move up to romance and then to sex, with the right person.

I'm a 25 year old virgin and I tried once to do a casual fling with somebody online, but none of it felt right to me and it freaked me out, so I cut it off before we ever met. Now I've stopped worrying about sex and just focusing on shifting my life to a place where I can find kindred people, and from that more can develop naturally. Have you ever considered online dating?

I hear you! I'm a male 31-year-old virgin and it sucks.

You may indeed have either Social Anxiety or an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Or maybe you're just shy. In my case I think it was a mix of both -- I've always felt like I just can't "socialize" like "normal" people can; I just don't "get it". Plus I've always been simply repulsive to women for whatever reason -- lack of confidence, no self-esteem, physical unattractiveness, neediness, whatever. I must have asked out more than 30 different girls/women throughout my school years but every single one of them rejected me. I gave up on dating in college after some particularly bad "blind" dates. I just... can't connect with people at all. And now I can't relate to people my age at all.

I suggest focusing on your hobbies or work. Find something to fill that gap. It can be really hard and gets extremely lonely, believe me I know. But life isn't all about love and sex. There's so much more to enjoy. Forget society's weird expectations and "norms" concerning sex; everyone is different, and everyone's lives go different ways. Don't get discouraged just because you don't fit some stereotype!

As you I don´t want just a casual fling or something "unserious" where you meet once or twice and actually don´t mean anything by it. I haven´t tried online dating but I could. I think it has a lot to do that I´m ashamed of my situation and it has become both a sorrow and an issue to be so unexperienced as I am.

There's no need to feel ashamed, and don't bring that shame into your dating life or it will probably give off negative, unconfident energy. In all areas of life, the attitude you bring to the table is everything. Be positive, have confidence in yourself when you approach guys, be open and interested, and know that whether you have sex or not, it's always your choice. Be proud of that. There are so many other things about you that are interesting, and I'm sure there are guys out there who don't care if you're a virgin. They'll love you all the same, just as you are. Online dating is a good start, if you don't have any viable social outlets to ask guys out.