Same Old Story

I know this topic comes up time and time again but I have read articles and talked to a doctor and still I have got know where. Im 23 and still faking but I dont think I need to anymore because Im sure my bf knows lol....help!!! I feel terrible for my bf and I feel left out so to speak. I have tried masturbation which is ok for a short while but time consuming and I lose interest, and the same goes for oral with my bf, I kinda get bored and my mind wanders. I cant help it I try so hard not to let it. I feel like I've tried everything, so if anyone has any new ideas please fill me in....

This might be a personal question, but just so I know exactly what's going on....you don't have an orgasm at all? Not even during oral or with his hand? For most of my sexually active life, I couldn't orgasm during sex. It had to be done before during foreplay, with his hand or orally, and then I'd fake it during sex.

Are you able to have an orgasm during masturbation? Its usually easier for women to orgasm "clitorally" by masturbation or manual/oral stimulation. Its not uncommon at all to not acheive during intercourse.

If you're not able to AT ALL, I'd practice.....until we know what works, we don't know what to tell our man. If they're not hitting the right spot, I'll gently move their hand, or say "to the left" lol. But I know what works for my body to tell my man.

Orgasm during sex was a different story. I lost my virginity at 21 and didn't orgasm during sex until I was 27. I had finally decided to stop faking it because I'm trying to live a completely honest life. So I had told my bf at the time that I'd never had one and wouldn't be faking it. Low and behold, I finally had one. Then with my current bf, I had a lot of work to do on my past sex issues, because I was falling in love with him, and didn't want all those hang ups from my past interfering with my sex life with him. For me, I had always had sex because I thought I had to, not because I wanted to. I felt like it was my "duty" as a woman, that I was a vessel. I didn't want to feel that way with my bf, so I worked through all of it, and now, the sex with him is amazing!! In fact I can't get enough!!!!!

Sex is mental as well as physical....I never realized that until I was ok with it mentally. Once I combined the physical act with the mental stability, it made sex so much better.

How long have you been with your bf? Have you guys tried some things to "spice it up"? There are some good articles on women and sex on ivillage.com that I've found helpful in the past.

I'd really suggest getting to a point where you can achieve one on your own....that way you know how to tell him what to do. Men have always said they find a little direction helpful.

One of the best things I ever did for myself though, was find other women who had similar experiences. It helped me not feel alone, and we gave each other ideas. So I'm glad you found us here at PC, welcome!!!

Check out the Women Focused Support room too. We discuss sex issues there as well, amongst the other women.

Good luck, and keep posting, and its wonderful to meet you!!



~Rayna

you have probably tried this, but i like talking and telling my husband(well used to) what i like and dont like. be totally relaxed, it's easy to think before hand you are dreading it or are not going to enjoy it, feel and think about what he is doing, i like to watch his face when he is getting escited etc, mosrtly talk about what you like and even fantasising helps sometimes. hope this helps

jinnyann

welcome by the way, sorry lol xxxxxxx

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Yeah I cant have *one* at all, not by myself, not orally, not during sex, there's nothing happen down there for me. I have mentioned this to a few people and they all said that I have to try on my own first "get to know my body", so I have, quite a few times, the problem with that is, I get bored after 40minutes and my mind starts to wander. I only have so many hours in a day and I cant spend 4 of them masturbating.

I have been with my bf for 1.5yrs... I initiated everything, the sex, the relationship to follow, the direction on what he enjoys. If he even notices that Im not having *one* after all this time he hasn't brought it up. I know what feels good orally and I could give him some direction and probably will next time but Im starting to think its hopeless. I try not to worry because that only makes it worse but of course its in the back of my mind every time we get into bed.

I really LIKE this guy and he treats me better than I have ever been treated by anyone, he puts up with my negativity and paranoia but of course we have issues, that aren't exactly easy to deal with. We have issues...opps....I mean I have issues that aren't exactly easy to deal with, with him. From my perspective we are not emotionally connected, we dont talk about personal things and its really hard for me to bring up my personal feelings although I would like to talk about them with him but he seems uninterested and uncomfortable. He told me he was autistic, he's extremely intelligent border line genius. I read somewhere that people like that aren't very good at communicating.

I got side tracked, sorry. Point incase, I would hate to make this guy jump through anymore hoops for nothing (it still might not work).

I dont know what to do but I dont want to be 40yrs old and orgasmless.....Oh Dear

Wow, yeah, I don't know what to suggest if you can't get one on your own. And you said you've been to doctors? Wow.....I don't know.

I really wish I knew how to help, thats gotta be so frustrating!

God Im doomed....

No....there's gotta be something. Have you seen a gynecologist? Maybe try to keep going to doctors until they figure something out.

"From my perspective we are not emotionally connected, we dont talk about personal things and its really hard for me to bring up my personal feelings although I would like to talk about them with him but he seems uninterested and uncomfortable."

maybe this is the entire problem? I think one would have to be emotionally connected to the other for maximum achievement

Jumping in here from a male point of view.

What you need is romance. So many men don't know how to romance their women or, woman in their life.

News flash guys.......it's an all day thing. If you expect to get any and have a good time you must learn to romance. Too many times guys expect her to be ready at a moments notice. What did you do all day? Did you touch her at all, did you kiss her? Did you try to grab that backside, sneek a peek at her in the shower? Tell her she is hot?? Guys, listen up....women respond to words, learn how to talk to her. Lose the macho bs and be a real man. Romance is a conquest, learn the persuit.

Ladies, don't be so easy to get. Be a little hard to get, guys love the thrill of the persuit.

Listen, I've been maried to the same woman for nearly 35 years. Our sex life is HOT!!! She always looks nice and when she is ready for loving it is great.

So many women say that they can't orgasm. It is really a shame. If your man is short on the draw, (getsoff fast), tell him what you need. Lots of foreplay and it starts early in the morning for a great night in the sack.

Ladies, how do you feel about yourself? Do you take care of yourself?

Guys, are you in good shape? Do you have stamina, staying power? If not, do a lot of foreplay. Go oral on her.

Ladies, make sure your clean down there. The same goes for the guys. Be clean, treat her right, romance her everyday and start early.

Have a date with her. Call her in the day and say let's meet for lunch. Have that lunch with her then go back to work.
Make a clandestan meeting at a nice hotel in the area for
"who knows what". Play like your lovers. I call my wife and ask if her husband is home and can I come over? Sometimes I call and ask if "he" is there, meaning her boyfriend. She usually goes along with my game and we have a great time.

I hope this provides some good info for both guys and gals.
I am saddened over the situation of some of the folks here.
everyone needs to find love. Friends with benefits is good too but, there is nothing like romance with spouse/partner.

sooooooooooo... how about giving our guys some classes

50guy you're AWESOME!!!!! I wonder how I could get my boyfriend to read that post......lol!!!! He's pretty good, but I love that sneaking peaks or grabs......very nice. No wonder your wife has been with you for so long!

Well, thank you very much. I think I know a little bit about romance. I am self educated on the subject through experiance. My wife is a very big help in this department too. I am a fast learner. I used to be all macho, still am at times but, not when it comes to being a lover. I know all the right things to say and do. It is not an act either it is how I reall y feel. I am secure enough in my own skin to let myself be tender and gentle. Guys, you can call me henpecked or whatever you want but, I get treated like a king in my house.
My wife bought me a John Deere tractor mower for my birthday. 2 years from now she will turn 55 and I'm going to buy her a Mercades Benz, E320. Why? because I love her and she loves me. We work on our relationship. We have raised our kids and now have 6 grandkids but, we don't sit at home gardening. We go camping, travel, go to events like Home and Garden shows, Car shows and RV shows.
Sometimes we check out new resturants or, I will fire up the charcole grill and make burgers and hotdogs.
We COMMUNICATE. We are friends to the end.
Just so you all don't think we don't tire of each other , we do and that is when I go solo camping, or hiking. Sometimes she will join me on the 2nd or 3rd day of me being out alone or, I will call her and say "kick out the boyfriend I'm coming home early." Sometimes I just show up early and say "all right where is he?" and she will say "he just jumped over the back fence when he heard your truck pull up."
GUYS........
Point is you gotta liven things up. Get active in life together, isn't that what you got together for in the first place? What happened to the sparks? You let them die, you forgot about how to be romantic. You're not less a man because you love the person you live with. Have you told anyone else how much you love your partner? Have you told your partner? C'mon get with the program. If you're having problems with this one how the heck can you expect to find something different in another? It's you that is the problem. Oh, you say she is a cold fish. Well, put a fire under that fish. Dress yourself up, lose the beer belly and scraggely look. Brush your teeth and get a haircut. How about this guys...but a copy of GQ magazine or BestLife or, Men's Journal and read about relationships. Those magazines are for Men. Get educated and stop thinking you know it all. Treat that woman like a queen and she will do anything for you and I garuntee you will bring her to worship you.

Ladies....
It's time to lose the sweat pants and shirt. Hair tied in a ponytail is a turn off. Hey, if the barn needs paint (makeup) then paint it. Get up off the couch and make him a sandwich or bring him a beer. Let him relax. Why is it that you can't stand to see him relax? Forget the honey do list for a weekend and go out with him. Find something to do together.
I know it sounds like I'm ranting here but, hey you are supposed to LOVE each other, that is the vow you took, remember? When it feels like love is dying remember your commitment to each other.
well, I'm going to shut up for now, I guess I'm just a whipped little mouse of a guy......Not!!! I run 3 miles 3X per week and do 100 situps and 75 pushups. in addition I am an avid hiker and regular cave man type but, i know how to love a woman.

Shuttin' up now

WOW... Thank You all so much....I need this secretly e-mailed to my bf. Apparently we need to work on quite a bit. I dont know why Im scared to talk to him about anything, it's almost like I know what I need to do or I think I know what I need to do but I just cant get the words out. I was emotionally connected with my ex and still there was no climax. I have been to doctors and a gyne but they dont seem to have much to say, they tell me it's in my head and to use lub....This is very frustrating, I want to enjoy myself and I want this bf to know how good he makes me feel (not just physically)

yeah. good post.