embarrising, but need help

My husband keeps suggesting that he or I find another female so we can have a three some. I am not into this at all. It make me think he is cheating on me. It is all he talks about while we are having intercourse. Then he started naming names of some of my friends and family members. I don't want that image in my head of my friends. I talked to him about it he stopped for a while but started up again. I just want to push him off of me when he does this. I am a rape survivor and this just causes problems with my PTSD

I'm sorry your husband is doing this to you! It sounds like he has an issue that he may need to discuss with someone. Especially when he keeps pushing something that he knows hurts you. You should talk to him once and for all and tell him that you are not interested in this and you don't want to discuss again.

Tranquility

Thank you for the support. I really do believe that he has some sort of sexual issue. He is in therapy for some other issues causing physical problems. His problems get worse after sex. I have asked him more than once if someone has done something to him. He denies anything ever happening.

You said he talks about it during sex.. so do you only say you don't like the idea during sex? If so, maybe you should have a serious conversation about it while doing nothing sexual.

I'll go out on a limb here, but it may be a phase all husbands go through.
It is a powerful fantasy for the more sexually adventurous males....but not something they'd actually carry out.
Again, one way to possibly kill it is to act interested but in someone he may particularly not be attracted to...it's a gamble but it may put an end to it.

I had an ex start talking about doing a 3-some and it made me pretty sick. We had problems with sex anyway (me never wanting it, and him wanting it all the time.) I still remember him talking in his sleep saying, "We could have this girl I know come over....she's clean......it would be cool......" Ugh.....

I just wouldn't be ok with it. It made me feel like I wasn't enough for him. My current bf and I joke about it, but I know it would never happen and he'd never ask me, its just joking.

I just wanted to tell you I understand.....and man did your post strike a chord in me, sure brough back a painful memory, but I went through it so I could post to you years later and say I relate.

I truly do hope its a phase. I agree with what was previously said that maybe it would be good to talk to him about it in a non-intimate time and tell him you don't like it.

Hang in there and feel free to PM if you need.

~Rayna

Twirls...I'm sorry you are going thru this. It was suggested to me once, and I thought it sick...still do! This is your HUSBAND, and I realize I'm rather old fashioned in these things, but I'd be sickened to the point of wanting nothing to do with him sexually and pondering leaving him.
Patty

i think it may be a guy thing you know? my bf has ask before....in a joking sort of way....about having a threesome with two girls...me and someone else...lol...and all i say to him is...youd like that wouldnt you....but he never brings it up as much as your husband does.....that would freak me out two....but you know what...my bf is very repititious with another idea....and it bugged me for awhile ....i think its something all guys have that urge to do something unquie and sexually "interesting" ....its their couth that determines whether they push it or not...and in that category i think your husband doesnt have much it ....and you know what i say...i say ...push him off you the next time he says that.....see...you still give him sex even though he says that stuff....which means he thinks he can get away with it...but if you withhold sex...in such a slap in your face way...like pushing him off and turning your back on him...he will stop eventually ...realizing talking about that means no sex...not talking about it means sex...try it...but stick to your guns to...if he realizes youll let him get away with it...he will keep pushing to you either say...omg fine yes...alright ill do it...or ...i never want to have sex with you again....sometimes my bf pushes hard to see if i will give up...just dont back down girl...and show him whose boss of your body....

it is not a "guy" thing. that's an excuse.

it's a form of abuse, sexual at that. and how about a ball-breaker for her self-esteem???????????????? can't go much lower than "oh, grunt, grunt, what do you think about me screwing you and your sister at the same time?" .......i know that's graphic, but that's what is happening.....

i'd kick him to the curb til he gets all of that cleaned out of his mind. it is disgusting and there is no place for it when respect is the foundation of the relationship. end of rant.

if you guys had heard some of the horror stories that my patients told me in the psych hospital, you'd vomit......one thing leads to another and another.......

Yeah, it would bother me to begin with, but especially when he mentions the other girls names as being friends of yours...does this mean he has been looking at them all this time, or????

And, especially if you are not wanting to do so, there should not be any way to do so. My sympathies for this going on and my best wishes for its quick end.

Oh I totally agree with fayerody!!!!! </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
it is not a "guy" thing. that's an excuse.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> some people will do what they can get away with--- one teaches others how to treat them. Demand respect and a low life(not meaning your husband-"twirls"-- is that at all-- just speaking in general terms) in one's life will either give respect or leave to abuse someone else.

How about you ask about being with another guy.... see how it feels on the other side for him..... (sorry if this seems too bold-- but I'm sick of some men thinking "it's a guy thing" to abuse, betray and/or neglect their partner )

I'm so sorry the one you love has even suggested such a heartless thing to you. Can I ask-- does he know of your past abuse?

mandy

I talked to him about this when we were not having sex. I even said something during after our talk.

I am glad I am not alone (not that I am glad you went through this as well) It just disqust me when he starts naming friends and family members. It is immediate turn off for me.

Yes he does know about my past abuse. I told him on our first date to avoid problems.

((((twirls))))

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the thing that disgusts me the most is family members...thats incest first of all....and soooooo digusting ......and i think it was ClydeMD who said does that mean he checks out your family members and friends...good luck

I feel for you,,, my ex would do the same thing.. and it is just 'GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR'

like that is something I ever want to hear a threesome 'GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR' and then in the middle of sex 'GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR'

first off if it was me, I'd tell him
1. I'm not into sex with other women
2. I'm better than sloppy seconds
3. if you want a STD do it on your own
4. reread our marriage license (one mate per license)