[ladyrevan21]

How much is appropriate? I know it seems like a silly question, but when do things go too far/violate someone's sense of boundaries? Mostly in terms of at least talking to them about sex ed and all.

I'm a recent adult (I'm 19) who still lives at home. When my sister (19 at the time) left for college, my mother bought her a pack of condoms. I've made it clear to my mother she's not to do the same for me (I'm asexual and think is sex is disgusting). My mother makes a lot of dirty jokes that I don't appreciate. But I think that, should I ever desire to talk about sex with my mother, she would be receptive.

I think that the best thing you can do is make sure your children know they can come to you with questions or just to share anytime, but don't push them to talk about things.

And - my personal preference - lay off dirty jokes. It's really bothersome to people like me.

[ladyrevan21]

Ah. Gotcha. Fortunately, I haven't had cases like that. (And I don't really have kids yet; I'm still in school, but in the future, when I do have kids, I shall keep that in mind. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of explicit sexual talk either)

So it's basically kind of leading them to do the conversation? Makes sense.

[TishaBuv]

Sex talk with children begins when they ask where babies come from. Or why women are built different from men.

As a parent I brought up certain things about sex when I wanted to teach my kids to be safe. When my son wanted to start having sex (in 10th grade!) he asked me to buy him condoms. I told him 'if you're man enough to have sex, buy your own condoms'. I told him there are consequences to his having sex and possibly getting the girl pregnant and STDs.

Now as a college student, he told me such a crazy sexual thing that his bisexual girlfriend wanted to do to him and he didn't want to do. I told him not to let her bully him and stick to what he believes in.

So, you can't stop them from having sex. I'm glad my boys feel comfortable enough with me to discuss their sex concerns. Open dialogue is good parenting for the purposes of keeping them happy and safe.

[ladyrevan21]

Way to go, you! Honestly, you sound like a fantastic parent to your kids. If I ever have kids (which I hope to someday. Right now, I can barely take care of myself), I hope I can follow your example. Just sort of telling them upright. And yeah, letting the kids lead things -- it's definitely the best way.

I have once talked to (well, more like interviewed) my mother about sex. I don't remember anything about it (I've had 51 ECT treatments and they leave me with barely any recollection of my life) except that I wondered about how you go about having sex - you (mum) want to, but how do you know dad wants to too and wouldn't rather sleep? I don't recall my mother's answers, but I imagine I had several questions like that. I have Asperger's and I like to 'gather information' on how about you do certain things in social situations. Even though sex did not and has never interested me.

[ladyrevan21]

Yeah, I kind of do that too. (Also have Aspergers)

[IrisBloom]

Definitely teach them the facts throughout their childhood. This should include the mechanics and uses of sex, and also moral direction. When they become teenagers they will do what they want regardless of what you've taught them.

Do keep the dialog going even after they are adults.

[ladyrevan21]

True. I mean, some teenagers are like that. (I say "some" because...well, there are exceptions. I'm sure) And yeah -- moral direction is definitely key, just so things don't really get bad (such as ending up with a kid too early). And yeah, I think keeping up the dialogue when they're adults is a good thing too -- I think it might be a good guide to things like dating and relationships and things like that. I think just because you hit your twenties or thirties doesn't mean you aren't confused about some things. (Confused is part of being human, I think, and sex and relationships are no exception)

[TishaBuv]

Oh, my mother didn't teach me about sex. When I was a teenager I swiped her book "The Sensuous Woman" and my girlfriends and I read it and learned. My mother actually told me regarding sex "You can give it away and you still got it." I didn't ask her anything as a teen. And any talk we had about it as an adult, she said she thinks women's orgasms ruined society... Let's not even go there about my mother...

[ladyrevan21]

Seriously? That's just a load of crap what she said about women's orgasms. At least you had good alternatives, like the book you mentioned. And of course, teaching your kids about sex in a healthy way. I mean, you did good. You really did.