[Chocopiano27]

Hello. I just want to let you know first that I've never known my father. He dumped my sister and pregnant mother, and married twice to another women. For over 13 years i was told that he would come back for me. I waited and waited, but it was all a lie. When he died a year ago, and how i had to go to his third wife's home was really depressing for me.

I had two ex boyfriend and at that point of time i really really love them. I had to dump my first boyfriend because he attempted to rape me several times. My second ex was really emotional and he drove me crazy. After that i seem to be a little scared in having a bf. I become a girl with a tomboy personality and ignorant attitude, yet i have a really high anxiety.
I like this guys since two years ago, but we're not in the same school. He even told me that he likes me, and held my hand several times (in my country, it's the same level as kissing). But a month ago i heard he suddenly have a girlfriend, and he started to ignore me after that.

And there's this very tomboy girl... One of my 5 close friends. She always radiates a positive vibe around her, people just like her somehow. Even though she has so many friends, she only sticks around with 4 of us, and she makes me feel loved, but in a weird way. She doesn't do hugs, or kisses like any other girls do. As I said, she's a very tomboy girl.
After i was heartbroken when i found out my crush having a girlfriend, i began to have weird feelings to this friend of mine. Like i want to be around her, even now i feel like i miss her. I just really like how she makes me feel. When we all go out i lose interest if i hear she's not coming. Sometimes i just glance at her from afar. I always want her to pay attention to me. And i get REALLY nervous if we're alone. But the thing is, i feel we both become awkward around each other, and i don't like that.

I'm not sexually interested in her, except i've imagined myself being confessed by her and then kissed. It didn't excite me but it also doesn't bother me at all.

I'm really confused.. Does that make me a bi? Or is that just because of my traumas with guys that i'm unreasonably trying to find an 'alternative'? I don't understand.. I've never talked about this with anyone, it's really a taboo in my country. Please share me your thoughts. I'd gladly read all of them.

[Aracnae]

Being traumatized by men doesn't make a person attracted to women. If you're attracted to both men and women you might be bi or possibly pansexual, it's okay, and it's totally normal. You're also really young, so you're still figuring out who you are. You don't have to put a label on it yet, or ever, if you don't want to, just know that it's okay and normal.

[Pflaumenkeks]

I think of sexuality the same way as I think about gender: If you ask yourself a lot if you are __ than the probability that you are __ is very high.
Most people who aren't don't spend that much time thinking about it because they have no reason to.

But you are the only one to decide, if you like to identify that way. (to your question "Is it really okay?" - yes it is.) Pick the label you feel most comftable with or non if you don't like them. Have fun exploring yourself!

(Oh and for another question that might be in your head: Yes, it's okay if your labels change. It's okay to test how you like bi and then discover later that it's not the right term. You are not fake and your identity will still be valid. We all change and esp TBGLQ+ ppl often have a harder time to discover themself)

Is it really okay? Yes, whatever it is or turns out to be, it's really okay. Don't let anyone trick you into being ashamed of what God made you.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Chocopiano27: Sexual orientation is complicated. From my perspective, you have two choices. One is to just wait & see what happens over time. The other is to seek out some counseling with a therapist who is knowledgeable about, & has experience working with, persons who have sexual orientation concerns if such professionals are available where you live. I know you mentioned that this is a touchy subject in Indonesia.

I don't believe any of us, here on PC, would be in a position to judge as to whether or not you might be bi-sexual. This is something that is going to take some soul-searching over time on your part. There are many resting places along the sexual orientation continuum from straight at one end to lesbian / gay at the other. Wherever you eventually come to rest along this continuum, it's all good...