Sometimes I worry I'm just making up the fact that I'm bi.

I started questioning my sexuality about half a year ago when I realised there was something "wrong" with me. I didn't feel like I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I didn't feel the need/want to have sex. I started doing some research and realised I could be somewhere between the sexual and asexual spectrum. Anyway, that research suddenly triggered all these questions about myself and my sexuality that I hadn't allowed myself to think about before.

I started thinking back at a couple of specific events that had happened during the past years and realised I probably had crushes on people of the same sex back then. It wasn't super obvious though but if I compared what I felt in those moments and what I usually feel for people, those were most likely crushes or at least attraction. I then started to imagine what it would be like to be with someone of the same sex (to be in a romantic relationship with them etc.) and realised I was very curious about it. Since then I've done a lot of research and I've had at least one other crush on someone of the same sex, but I still haven't come to a conclusion about the exact label yet. I'm probably bisexual with quite a low sex-drive (but I could also be biromantic grey-asexual). Pretty sure I'm "bi-" something though, unless I'm imagining everything.

For some reason I worry that I'm imagining everything and that I'm making it up. That I'm somehow forcing myself to feel attracted to people of the same sex and I feel like my sexuality might not be valid since I realised I'm probably bi quite late in life (25 years old), even though I might've repressed for a long time it since I grew up in a religious family. I also worry that my sexuality might not be valid since I'm not sure of it and since I'm not 100 % sure the crushes were actually crushes (not sure what else they'd be though). I'm open to the thought/idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone of the same or opposite sex (especially with someone of the same sex right now).

Anyway, I just worry that I'm not a "real bisexual" because my journey to discover my sexuality has been very unclear and filled with doubt. You hear a lot about people who've known they're gay or bi or whatever since they were really young. That's not what it's been like for me and that worries me (I'm very prone to anxiety and irrational thoughts though). Also, I struggle a lot with internalised bi-/homophobia (clarification: only when it comes to my own sexuality) due to my upbringing, so that might be why I doubt this so much.

What was it like for you? Any other thoughts on this?

Hello neutrino: Well... the one thing the Skeezyks knows about anything related to sex & gender is that it can be endlessly complicated, especially if one does not fall neatly into the male / female gender binary. I'm now in my mid 60's. And, while sexuality went by the wayside for me going on 20 years ago now, I still puzzle over my gender identity & how that relates to all of my other mental health problems. I don't know if there is even a real answer to the whole thing. But, even if there is, I would say the chances of my finding it are pretty-much nil at this point in my life.

Can't you just feel how you feel, and act on it, with reasonable caution, and not worry about your sexual category or classification? Do what you like with whom you like and don't give it a name.

If you want to give it a name (I know some people don't like labels, for other it's helpful, so do whats best for you) I think you could use bi for you.
It doesn't matter WHEN you discover something about yourself. Your identity is not more or less valid regarding to your age.

The most bi people I know (including myself) have periods of questioning if they are just fake and they are making things up. I think it's good to know that this is very common.

If you want to identify as bi, you are welcomed to. For me bi must have a place for all people from "I experienced desire for all kind of genders (romantic and/or sexual)" to "I know I have the potential to ( even if I'm not sure if I already have experienced it)"

I don't know from the comunity in your country, but the german bi-comunity would welcome you if you wanted to, and respect it if not. It's up to you to claim a label if you want to.

This ^^^^^^

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It's a fine between using labels to help define yourself and realizing that labels can also limit or restrict you. Ultimately, you need to find a balance within yourself where you feel comfortable being you.

I've spent years conflicted inside myself because I felt a need to fit within social standards. As a teen, I was gay because I actively had homosexual relationships, yet no one publicly would have guessed. In university, due to the environment there was no way I was able to act upon my homosexual side, I even tried to have girlfriends to follow the social norm. I tried again to pursue my gay side after school, and after some heartbreaking experiences I found myself with a woman. I had never planned on it, but I grew to love her and learned to be attracted to her. Where I'm going with this, it that for decades I have lived as a straight male, and identified as a bisexual male to some to at least capture my homosexual side. However, it wasn't until I was 46 years old and after some therapy, I came out to my family and friends as gay. I've been gay my whole life, I've just been wearing the guises of other sexualities to make others feel comfortable. Even after coming out as gay, I still have those that tell me I'm bisexual because I love my wife and have an attraction to her. Sure, if one were to take labels as absolutes, I'm not 100% homosexual, so can I be gay? Of course I can...I'm simply "gay except for my wife"...I have no attraction to any other woman...everything else is for men.

All this to say, that after decades of conflict, both internally and externally, I am comfortable saying that I'm "gay except for my wife". It's who I am...it's who I feel I am. I'm comfortable telling others that they can believe or label me what they want, but I know who I am. You need to find who you are comfortable being, what others believe is not a factor.

Good luck.

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I'm really struggling with coming to terms with my sexuality but I'm starting to accept that it'll take time. I think that if I "expose" myself to more LGBT-positive people and media, I might start to accept myself and my sexuality (whatever the exact label is), which will probably help with the anxiety as well.

Hi neutrino, after 7 years of being in heterosexual relationship I am now with a woman for the past 2 years. Personally, I do not think I am bi, as I am not attracted to both genders in general, I just happened to be attractive to these two people. When I first came out to myself, first of all, I became obsessed with all things LGBT for a while and also I met a lot of gay and bisexual individuals. There is a lot of anxiety at the beginning as you want to talk to people about this but you don't know how to represent yourself. I waited until I had a girlfriend to talk to my friends as it was easier to bring it up as a topic.