[black-roses]

There's certain stimuli that makes me turned on like certain songs for example what lies beneath breaking benjamin it's probably because that song triggers the image in my head of being sexually dominated when he says "as I lay underneath your cold jaded eyes" its like that feeling of sexually dominating someone but I wouldn't know that because I have never sexually dominated anyone so it's a bit strange that I get such a vivid image when I listen to that song I guess I am a strange person. Also another song I get turned on is Rihanna hard ft jeezy I dunno what's about it about power and control that turns me on but I guess I am strange. I am not a sadomasochist but these songs give me a very sadomastic image and dominatrix feel. Also I was watching anime today and the main character Arima I all of a sudden got sexually attracted too and wanted to bang him then I thought I was strange and was like can you image banging that??? I guess, I am at a time of change and learning who I am but I get no sexual attraction at all to boys that others think are attractive I see "them as meh" and just loss interest the same with girls nothing. I was like maybe if I watch porn I might be sexually attracted? Something but it's different like something I can't understand. I spend all this time analysing myself but I still cannot predict who my type is in boys because I don't seem to have a type. I just loss interest over and over again. It consists of being interested oh yay and then platooning into nothingness over and over again. It's like I am not even a human anymore but a robot anticipating when I will feel emotion and then platoo again. I guess it isn't important I guess because the way I see it is I have more time to take care of myself by not being in any kind of relationship.