How to overcome sexual issues/trauma

I need some advice on sex and relaxation. I still have sexual trauma issues when I was in therapy a few months ago we were working on childhood abuse issues using EMDR which I didn't finish as the 2nd therapist left and the 3rd therapist we were in the getting to know each other stage then once I had my insurance taken care of she moved to another dept not doing therapy anymore no one told me that she called me to let me know after i left her a message.

I haven't been back to the clinic don't feel like doing another inventory then waiting for a therapist i hate the state insurance. I still have sexual pain when i am intimate not as bad like before as I was doing an exercise. I try deep breathing and relaxing only works short term then when a guy touches/penetrates my bits my legs claim up since it knows a man (actually past men) violated me.

I was told that I need to welcome the pleasure not the pain when having sex/being intimate. I do agree just so tired of being controlled by the past I do visualization of whoever I am ****ing or someone else giving me pleasure to help then the pain kicks in again. I don't know when I will see a therapist now is not the right time.

I am a 30 yr old single female I started getting intimate with someone 2 weeks ago. I want my legs to stop closing up when someone touches me I want to enjoy sex I do have a high sex drive when I allow it to happen. I just don't know how to let go of what happened to me in my teen years.

Does any woman here have any tips they have done to overcome sexual issues on their own? I feel like I have to do this on my own since I have no idea when I will see a therapist right now I am working on work issues and now personal issues.

Have you looked into tantric sex? Not all sex is about penetration & it sounds like you're not ready for that part of it if you're not enjoying it.
IMO you're going to have to work w/your partner so you're on the same page AFA what to do & how far to go. Your partner needs to understand what's going on in your head so this person can make decisions on your reactions.

Yes changing how you view sex can work. I dealt w/ a lot of csa in my past & just started to leave it alone. Leave it in the past Bec it was affecting me now. I look at sex very differently, feel & understand it very differently. The past can come back & ruin things & ive made changes to move on.

Start slow & educate yourself. Is your pain from something physical? Then maybe start there & see an OB about what's going on. Maybe it's the position or other changes you can make to help you relax.
It can work.
I wish you the best!

When did I say anything about a partner? I said I have been intimate with someone that doesn't always equate to a partner besides not even in a relationship at all. This is person doesn't understand my trauma was explaining to the person what happened talking about it is never easy.

I have been interested in tantric sex know someone who does tantra however I was told there's a tantra meeting through meetup I should check it out. I started looking up sex positive stuff need to find more information I was told about tantra it's about loving yourself. What the hell is the gyno gonna do for me? All they tell me is to "deep breathe" that only goes so far and every pap test has been difficult for me. They told me seek therapy for the trauma or a sex educator (that is even more money by the hour) and my home situation is very toxic doesn't help me one bit.

I don't like sex without penetration, I know tantra isn't always about penetration. Condoms don't have a great feeling I feel the condom than I do the penis. I think I was also told to drink wine before having sex to help me relax haven't done that yet.

My pain something physical? men shoving their dicks in me causing so much pain that was the source of the pain and mentally the rest being told I am a slut/hoe/*****/***** by my mom which added to the shame and guilt. Done different positions the pain is still there.

So yea, like I said just tired of the sexual control. I am not even sure who are well known sex positive influences out there.

I'm sorry for my grammar. My definition of a "partner" is equivalent to the person or object you're engaging sex with. I'm suggesting a conversation with whoever that is. Unless this is just casual sex.

Tantric sex is a lot more than loving yourself.

And I only suggested an OB Bec you were having pain issues. I really don't know one female that likes getting their cervix scraped!

Honestly you're coming off as very angry & frustrated. I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to upset you.
Hope someone else can help you.

It's kinky play. Last night, I was able to relax telling myself to welcome the pleasure and not the pain. The guy I was playing with was helping me relax throughout the rest of the night my legs stayed open and I was blindfolded which helped too.

He fingered me which felt awesome, so yea it's a step.

IMHO if you're getting into kink it's an even deeper play that requires ultimate communication.

I am aware of that I have an issue asking for what I want goes back to abuse and fear.

Kink involves a lot of power play. A lot of pre-negotiation so the dominant can understand you better, make better decisions according to what he sees & knows about you.
It can be a great place to explore yourself & your sexual nature. Also a place to get hurt.
Sorry to preach.
I hope it works out for you

Yes been having fun learned new things about myself