Pondering my emotions longing for a woman

I have been pondering lately since being single for almost 9 months has been great and everything. However, I have been somewhat intimate with a married woman during play but she is more into men than women. She is a fabulous woman, however, I have been longing to be with a woman more and more since I left my ex of 10 yrs (male) - even while I was with my ex.

I don't understand myself at times, a guy seems to interest me since women can't seem to be honest if they have an interest in another woman or not makes it very hard to tell; men make it known they are interested. I had one gf long time ago with my ex bf in a newly poly relationship that didn't last and been wanting to have a gf (maybe right now just a female lover).

Yes, my emotions seem so complicated again. I am not questioning my sexuality, just seem so bothered that I always end up with a man. I have two men who get me hot and horny (one is married and the other is single all consensual). I would like to concentrate my relationships with women whenever I feel ready to venture out in that path to find a lover. I see so many beautiful women gets me very wet yet so hard to even approach women.

It's nothing but lesbian porn and tons of masturbating! Makes me sex drive go so far up - sucks not to be sexually intimate all the time. I am just stressing and venting....