Why am I doing all these??

Hey. I'm really worried. I'm not sure whether anyone could understand my problem. I cannot figure out whether I'm a gender fluid or a lesbian. All my problems started during my puberty period. I got my first period at the age of 11 and my mom gave me some basic sex education. I had several doubts about it. When I was 13, I fell in love with a boy but I wasn't interested in sex. We went on a date and I really enjoyed it were were together for 2 years and one fine day he approached me for having sex and I felt really bad and couldn't digest it. We finally broke up. I was shattered. I couldn't forget him. He was my best friend. He totally avoided me. My roommate consoled me and she was there for me during my tough times. We became BFF. But then she fell in love and couldn't spend much time with me. I felt jealous. I even tried to break their relationship to get her. I never had any sexual attraction towards her. But why am I doing all these? Any ideas, friends???

Hello Succonniews: The Skeezyks doesn't really have much to offer here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. I'm an older person. And part of what I have struggled with all of my life, in terms of mental health issues, is gender identity dysphoria. Based on this, I will tell you that from my perspective sexual orientation (as well as gender identity) issues can get really complicated & difficult to sort out. So my thinking is that investing in some individual therapy, with a therapist who is experienced in working with sexual orientation issues, may be a valuable endeavor. I wish you well...

Hi Succonniews and to PC
Only you can figure out your sexual orientation. If you dont feel a strong clear preference for one gender or the other well then there is a wide range in between and labeling yourself is a personal choice. You dont have to adhere or accept any label unless that is something that you find nessecary to your own indentity values. For many ppl it is not about male vs female it is about a true indiviual connection. Love is also a broad spectrum. You can feel love strongly for different people in different ways. Like, I love my best friend just as much as I love my husband, but I do not feel sexual desire for my bff, but i do for my husband. Snd they do happen to be different genders,but i dont view myself as strictly heterosexual. My first serious committed relationship was with a female, we were in love and very sexually compatible it lasted 2yrs, but then we just wanted different things.. Although, i did not marry my ex gf,i was just as loyal and manogamous in that relationship as i am in my marriage. Love and relationships are very complex. Sex is an urge. It is a basic human need just like food air and water shelter and companionship. Also like all other basic human needs, our prefence, amount, and level of desire can change with our life experiences. Love and lust do not always go together. Some ppl need to feel loved in order to be comfortable to be sexually intimate and others can be sexually intimate with out even knowing the other person's name. And there are infinite numbers of other views, values, and preferences in between and outside. Just give it time and face the world with an open mind and heart, im sure that you will that what and or who is right for you.