Couldn't

Couldn't really form a healthy intimacy with my husband. He really just didn't turn me on. We got into this cycle of abuse to work up to sex. I'll never really know the true cause. Was it all me? Some intimacy issue or MI? So sad at the failed marriage. May never be with another man ever again at age 50.

Its not your fault. If its not there then it just isnt..you can grow to love someone to the moon and back but you cant learn to get the tingles.

Tisha, this post is old but perhaps you will see it. I completely disagree your sex life is over at 50. No way, dear! Do not despair. It just sounds like this is your fate should you stay in the relationship. I know you have a lot going on.

May I ask why you married him as there was never any sexual chemistry there?

It's not all you or MI-related. It sounds like a one-sided relationship where your needs were never considered.

I may be off base and I apologize if I am or if it's too personal. Take care. xo

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Thanks for talking about this with me. I noticed you said you are submissive. I think you will really understand. I think both he and I are subs, and that doesn't work. By his being so submissive, he forces me to be the Dom. I am the forced dominatrix.

Now, I could have embraced that role. Heck, I could yield a cat-o-nine-tails along with the best of 'em. But, it just sickened me. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So to cope with my having to be the initiator (and I don't mean Dom in the sense that he wanted bondage, just leading), I had to get drunk or drugged and fantasize, which makes me dissociate. A total PTSD, anxiety attack producing event just to have sex.

Marrying him was a no-brainier. He was tall, dark, and handsome- everything I wanted in a partner. We mentally clicked immediately. I got his humor, where most girls he met didn't, and he loved that about me. We look good together. We have the same background and values.

The worst I could say about him is he dressed like a nerd, but that was easy to fix. Also, he was quiet, shy, not really my type of guy.

My past boyfriends had been characters to say the least. But he was a fine young man with great potential and good intentions.

I fell in love with him. The very first date we went on, I got in his car and he took my hand, and it just felt so good and safe. He called every night to talk. He didn't play games.

It was also a matter of timing. He was at a stage in his career where he was ready to get married, and so was I. It was a very logical thing to do, not like it was that we just couldn't live without each other, more like it was the next step in life.

Our roles were very clear without us even discussing it. He worked long hours and I just naturally started doing everything else. At first, everything was pretty great. And even throughout all this sex nightmare drama, we are best friends, laugh at each other's jokes, enjoy doing things together.