My Sexual Burden

Hello.
I am making this post because I desperately need help, and I wanted opinions on what kind of therapy I should pursue.
I have a small penis. I have homosexual tendencies because of this reason. I find it hard to have sex with girls because of my issue. It is easier for me, psychologically, to have sex with men, although I don't. I do not mean anything bad but I am not happy I have these tendencies and I am very aware of why they exist. I am not emotionally attracted to men whatsoever and I envision my future to be with a woman, because that is what I want. I am just incapable of acting/being normal on a sexual front. I spent the weekend with this super hot girl and there was weirdness caused by me because we were together in a summer villa and it was natural for me to make a move and for us to have sex. I did neither.
My problem makes me suicidal. I don't think I would ever end my life because it would affect those around me negatively and I just don't have the guts to do it, and I have other good things in my life that make me hopeful. And I am also convinced that one day I will be with someone again that I am comfortable with. I had a girlfriend for 3 years and we were happy and she loves me to death and we used to have sex and she used to orgasm but still knowing all that doesn't make me brave enough to have sex with someone who doesn't love me etc. I want to fix myself.
What would be the best type of therapy to solve this issue? I really don't want just someone to talk to because I know all there is to be said and I know my self pretty well, so I doubt it will be of use. I don't want to be told that size doesn't matter. I don't want to be told that it's okay. Are there other disciplines/techniques that could help? Other than therapy, can ayahuasca help me?

I think it really depends what you mean by "solve this issue". If you are looking for something to change the size of your penis, obviously psychotherapy isn't going to be much help to you. If you are looking to improve your self esteem and self image, psychodynamic or person centred therapy could certainly be of use. Others might be able to suggest other modalities.
Wishing you well.

yeah of course i meant to solve it psychologically.
thanks for the suggestions, will look into those.

i think the best solution for you would be a support group with people who have similar body issues. Ideally that would be a group for people with small penises but i doubt they have a group just for that. That way you could be around people who are like you and get suggestions on how to feel better about yourself, how they deal with it etc.

I would probably see a male therapist if I were you. They probably would be more likely to be understanding of what you go through because I know a lot of women say size doesn't matter which I believe is true but if you are a guy i am sure it does plus it doesn't help your self esteem much. Maybe some cognitive behavioral therapy might help in getting you to change your thoughts along with some body acceptance therapy I think would help.

You really might want to deal with your internalized homophobia. There is no "normal" sexual orientation. That might genuinely help your self esteem

I think a sex therapist might be the best option.

This may be a completely inappropriate comment, but from a female perspective, there IS a lot more to good sex than having a large penis. If we're talking about just physical pleasure, you can get really, really good at oral sex. Many women can't orgasm without manual stimulation anyway, regardless of penis size.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. This sounds like it's been going on for a while. I think you deserve some relief. I think seeing a therapist is one way to do this. I don't know that you need to see anyone who specifically advertises as a 'sex therapist,' but in your initial phone call/consult, you should probably ask if they feel comfortable/qualified working with issues of body image, sexuality, and relationships. Most are.

Many clients find that just expressing their issues and feeling understood helps them feel better right away. A good therapist will not minimize or invalidate your concerns--that is, no good therapist will say 'size doesn't matter' and call it a day. Instead, they should help you find ways to either accept or change the things about yourself that cause you pain.

Good luck with everything and hang in there.

I am confused on you having homosexual tendencies because you have small penis?? It doesn't work this way.

I do suggest therapy with focus on self esteem issues.

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You sound more bisexual than anything, plus women have their own personal preference to getting an orgasm. Mine ain't all that big, but in the moment, it really doesn't matter.

This is actually completely possible and does happen. Feeling that one can not perform sexually with one gender can force them away from that gender psychologically, and they begin to question and theorize their options and themselves.

Also, to the OP, a female friend of mine's husband has a small penis. They have amazing sex anyway according to her. They have long foreplay devoted to pleasing her orally and through toys, massage, and sometimes they do things like roleplay, etc. He also eventually started using some sort of strap-on as well. He still delivers the full package.. And I suppose more to compensate. I absolutely suggest toys and learning how to have and give amazing foreplay. It will help with your self-esteem. therapy is great but you know the root of your problem. But there are other ways to perform. Some women out there really like penetration but others find it uncomfortable and even painful. I myself prefer outer stimulation and actual sex is often painful for me.

I would also suggest a therapist that specializes in sex and intimacy issues. I can certainly understand your concerns about your situation, seeing how much worrying about any part of my body that I don't feel so confident about makes me completely insecure, and that usually for a woman has nothing to do with how we perform sexually. If this is something that you feel like you absolutely just must address, there are some surgeries that a plastic surgeon can perform, to increase the size of your penis. This of course is something that you're going to want to consider very carefully. It's major surgery, and like with all surgery comes the risk of complications, not to mention the expense. But, if this is something that is causing you this much distress, it may be something that you might want to consider. It might be worth the pain, risks, and money, to have to not worry about this anymore. Most plastic surgery centers have loan options that you can apply for now to pay for the procedure so you can make payments, so you don't have to have all the money upfront. Or, if you have good credit, try your bank or credit union, you'll get a better interest rate. I really hope that you find the best option for you and that you feel better about yourself. It never feels good to hate something about ourselves that much. You deserve to find love and happiness with the gender that you're attracted to sweetie. Whatever you choose, don't change yourself and who you're attracted to just because of a body part.