why do people pretend porn isn't the problem?

I also want to underline that I'm specifically talking about couples in which one partner watches it and the other doesn't and feels hurt by it.
I'm not talking about couples who are super happy watching it on their own or together and I think you must have noticed it.

I think you are painting a picture with a very broad brush. It needs detail. It's like saying "religion is good." That's such a massive statement in such a large area.
If you could narrow the discussion down to types of Porn that might help, but Bec of this site, you probably can't use the descriptive words needed. I'm guessing it would be censored.

Porn is massive & I think you're making generalizations.
These couples that you know, do you know what type of porn they are watching & from what feeds? Do you know the intimate details of their sex life & what happens in their bedrooms? You said you only talked to these women, have you talked to the men? Of course this is a vicious cycle because there is, my guess, little communication.

What is seen as violent to you, might not be violent to others & that's what I'm getting aggressive about! I see that as judgmental. Especially if someone who's reading this thread feels guilty for watching porn & you're stating that it's just all violent.

I think people on this thread might have problems with the title of it. You state that porn is the problem. That's it.
It's such a blanket statement with no depth or discussion. It's just a multi multifaceted area that you're trying to put into a simple statement.

Is the OP saying that porn is the problem in the specific relationships she knows about?

Or is the OP making the more general statement that porn itself is The Problem?(without reference to any specific relationships?)

First off, that sucks that your BF lied to you.

There's porn for women also called sensual porn. I watched with a former female friend of mine last year. There's no mistreatment or "slam-bam-thank-ya-ma'am" type of behavior in these kind of videos. There's more love-making involved.

You are entitled to you opinion. However, I do believe it can improve relationships as long as the couple communicates with each other. There's been studies that porn can actually improve relationships.

5 Reasons Why Watching Porn Together Can Be Good For Your Relationship

I'm not sure. I'm assuming she's doing both.

I personally think.. too much of any indulgence can lead to an addiction including porn. I will go and look at arousing things every so often and for me its ok. I believe its normal to explore and find out. I am not on porn sites 24/7, honestly rarely. This is when it is addiction. Guess I am saying it is not wrong to find out and enjoy, just do not have it on all the time. Tc

I was saying that porn is the problem in couples that don't agree on it.
I have only talked to one of the men, but he was just complaining they had no intimacy.
I am talking mainly about the popular porn on the popular sites.

Porn is the problem/can be the problem in relationships that are suffering.

Thank you, but I am not interested in porn for women or in it at all. And I am also not interested in watching it together. There's the same article that goes in the opposite direction

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-does-intimacy

About how porn can damage intimacy in a couple.

It can very quickly become an addiction, when the partner isn't available for some time and the other frustrated about it.

Honestly, if one person is not satisfied in a relationship, there are deeper and more troubling issues than porn, so it's not really fair to blame the end result, rather than the root cause.

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That article makes some good points. If people are watching videos that suggest there are a lot of potential partners, then they are bound to think about the possibility of potential partners. And the evidence suggests they do, and that it affects their commitment to their current partner.

This I agree 100%.

It may not be troubling for you, but for a few people porn is a very deep and troubling issue. People just put it off as something normal, because after all 'everyone does it'.

Yes porn addiction can be for some a deep & troubling addiction. That's why there's therapists for it.
And if you take the porn away do you think it's fixed?
If you take alcohol or drugs away from a person will they just turn their life around & everything is fine again?
How about the addiction to food? Aren't "most people" saying well they have no self control & are fat!

I think we all understand that there are people that suffer with problems of addiction, it can be extremely powerful. I watch a family member deal with heroine.

They can all detox, but the reason for the addiction is still there!!!!! This subject only scratches the surface of the problem.

I think you're right in that the attitude is "everyone is doing it". and everyone is doing it. I've read that one problem when trying to determine the effects of porn, is that they can't find a control group of people who haven't been exposed to it.

I have read several articles over the last few years that discuss pornography. There is one camp that basically says something like "the evidence suggests that when we try to suppress things like porn, they just get worse". The other camp suggests that while porn may not be bad in and of itself, it may be wise to consider the consequences on one's specific life. And I'm sure we could all find all kinds of info about the consequences of porn on individuals.

Besides the intimacy/commitment argument, another argument that makes a lot of sense to me, is that the human brain is not wired to see a lot of sex acts in a short amount of time.... Think about how often our ancient ancestors saw sex acts. And now think about how many sex acts one can see in 10 minutes, if one so desires.

Viewing a lot of porn, is the equivalent of eating tons of sugar because it tastes so good.

There was a series of articles in Skeptics magazine earlier this year, that presented both sides of the porn argument (is it harmful or not?)

1st article. How Porn Is Messing with Your Manhood

by Philip Zimbardo, Gary Wilson & Nikita Coulombe

2nd article (a response to the first) Skeptical of the Porn Skeptics

by Marty Klein, Ph.D

3rd article: More on Porn: Guard Your Manhood—A Response to Marty Klein

by Philip Zimbardo, Gary Wilson & Nikita Coulombe

To me, porn is worse than eating a lot of sugar because it tastes good as it doesn't only affect the people themselves but also their partner and people around them.

People are free to watch it but they shouldn't pretend it doesn't bring problems. It bring a whole load of problems.
It is easy to fall in an addiction and hard to get out of it. Porn is free, a therapist is not.
And I believe there are a lot of people who are not okay with their partner watching it, even though they pretend to be totally cool with it "everybody does it" type of mentality.

I think that if it bothers you, then you and your partner should have a talk and come to a consensus about whether it is ok in your relationship.

I watch it when I am single, and when I am not. My partner may do the same.

Lefty here.

I can't accept this 'fact' as a premise; what makes you so sure that porn will put unnatural or harmful fantasies into his head that will necessarily preclude your interaction when you are intimate with him? You speak of this as if it's a certainty.

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. I am vulnerable in the face of porn. I was blind but now can see... porn.

In an ideal world, intimate partners are fully committed romantically and only have eyes for each other, they never tire of having sex together.

I think there really are couples who adhere to this and live happy lives.

But porn is everywhere and it's free! People upload themselves just for a kick!

So many people, mostly men I assume, are openly watching porn or lying about not watching porn.

You're never going to get that genie back in the bottle.

Personally, I've hardly ever been able to watch any porn that my h tried to get me to watch with him because it made me hostile and turned off. The women were all with huge fake boobs and faking pleasure.

My parents had "The Devil and Miss Jones", an old classic that I watched without them knowing and it was a turn on, but a disturbing one. It really kind of triggered the PTSD issue I have over having been raped as a teenager.

Not according to Marty Klein.

And just what do you mean by "problems"? Driving my car brings with it a "whole load of problems". Thousands of people die every year, just because they were driving their cars, it hasn't stopped me from driving my car.

I don't know. I can still see it both ways. People like sex. For me, the biggest issue is that it probably does make users think about cheating with all those potential partners.

And it does make sense that our brains aren't quite equipped to deal with all those novel sex acts that can be viewed in such a short amount of time.

Marty Klein is a sex therapist with an opinion who tries to refute scientific facts about porn to defend it. Actually it isn't surprising, as a load of sex t's suggest watching porn together to 'bond', which is almost painfully hilarious.

If people like sex, then they should have sex. Porn is still sex for the performers, but they are not sex for the one who watches it. Porn is real and it is happening everywhere, yet people think it is just a virtual thing. And I'm not even getting started on the porn industry itself.

Yes, people think about cheating. It goes from watching porn, to watching harder porn to go to cam sites, to consider cheating. And I'm talking about the worst case, before anyone attacks me saying that not everyone ends up doing this. I know it. But it happens. It hurts their partner and leads to rejection, the rejection leads to even more porn consumption etc.

The problems range from erectile dysfunction to a total divorce from reality.
And to compare to trivial things such as having problems with cars is just silly. You use your car to go to work, and to do big shopping. Things that you NEED beside the hobby of driving it. This comparison doesn't work at all.

Yeah, with all due respect, I'd challenge you to prove that porn leads to cheating. I love porn but think cam sites are disgusting and have no interest in cheating. That was not an attack.

[Fine vintage pornographic image redacted]