[Gf22304]

My boyfriend told me 2 months into dating he was on the trans scale and is a cross dresser. We have continued dating and have not really made it an issue in our relationship. Now we are approaching a year dating and talking about the future (marriage, kids, etc) and I’m unsure about how his lifestyle will integrate with the life we are planning.

He is an occasional cross dresser and has scaled back going out in public dressed since beginning dating me. I have never seen him dress and don’t want to participate in it personally. I think I am fine with him doing this occasionally on his own time in private, which is the compromise he is asking from me moving forward but I’m just not 100% sure I can live with that long term. I know he has made a lot of effort on his part to restrict these behaviors and he wants me to be somewhat supportive of this part of him. One day I think I can be fine with it bc it’s a small part of his life and our relationship is amazing otherwise but I keep going back and fourth.

Anybody been in a similar situation or have any advice on how to navigate?

[TheGal]

I would say that it's a "huge" part of his life and you've only seen the tip of the iceberg. You need to be with someone who is more vanilla.

I met a transsexual woman who used cross-dress back in the day when she was a he. Finally she wanted a sex change and it was too much for the wife and their 20s-something children. They ended up ostracizing her completely. Very sad for everyone involved.

The only way this would work in the long run is if you were geneuinely into BDSM or another such persuasion. You're not. You need to respect your limits and stop dating this person.

It'll hurt, but it's kinder to both of you in the long run.

If you don't believe, you two should see a sex therapist and really talk things (and the consequences! and implications!) through.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TheGal

I would say that it's a "huge" part of his life and you've only seen the tip of the iceberg. You need to be with someone who is more vanilla.

I met a transsexual woman who used cross-dress back in the day when she was a he. Finally she wanted a sex change and it was too much for the wife and their 20s-something children. They ended up ostracizing her completely. Very sad for everyone involved.

The only way this would work in the long run is if you were geneuinely into BDSM or another such persuasion. You're not. You need to respect your limits and stop dating this person.

It'll hurt, but it's kinder to both of you in the long run.

If you don't believe, you two should see a sex therapist and really talk things (and the consequences! and implications!) through.

Not sure how cross dressing even remotely relates to BDSM? One has nothing to do with another

[divine1966]

Hi GF,
I’ll be honest with you that if anything bothers you about a person while you are dating, it will be ten times more difficult if you marry and have kids. I think what you see is what you get. He’s who he is.

You either accept or move on but I think in your case, if it bothers you, it’s better to end it.

It’s also better for him to move on because he won’t need to restrict himself in order to be with you. It’s better for both of you to go separate ways

[TheGal]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Not sure how cross dressing even remotely relates to BDSM? One has nothing to do with another

"Or some such persuasion", I said in very broad terms. Btw, the BDSM world encompasses a lot more than you might think... I've lived it. So, I disagree.