[Maven]

One thing my boyfriend has always maintained is that sometimes men rape simply because they're horny. I've never been able to get him to understand that men don't rape just because they're horny. I've explained to him that men rape because they feel women are (or the woman in question is) beneath them. They feel, How dare you say no to me? You have no right to say no! Others rape because they're insane. Still others do it to exert power over women. Some do it simply because they hate women. It may be several reasons. It bothers me that my boyfriend believes that sometimes it's just about being horny and wanting sex.

It also bothers me that so many people still blame the victim and think that rape isn't that big of a deal, and that a victim should just "get over it." There are still many who think what a woman wears might mean she "asked for it." Or because she was out late at night. Or acting "immorally." Even if a victim (of any crime) does dumb, dangerous or careless things, it doesn't give the right for or remove any of the blame from the attacker to do what he does.

Many times, a girlfriend or wife will ask, upon hearing her mate accused of rape, "Why would he rape someone when he has me?" Again, they assume rape is about sex.

I read this web page, among other things I was looking at, and got really pissed. Several of the posts blame the woman for getting raped. It infuriates me!!!

I get so angry and depressed that these attitudes continue today. Not just in the US, but around the world.

What reaction are you looking for maven?

I mean on one hand your annoyed that your man, like many other men could think like this, not necessarily my thinking, but it does have some foundation, so don’t be to hard on him.

I think there was a lot of intelligent posting on the link by all involved and personally, I think you should reply to the link and see what responses you get from them rather than stir up the hatred towards men in this forum.

[asylumgardens]

I don't think this is a "hatred towards men" post.. because she even mentions how some wives/girlfriends think rape is about sex, too.

I was sexually assaulted (not fully raped) in the middle of a sunday afternoon with 20 people around. Yes, I was alone, but I was dressed in long pants, a baggy tshirt, etc etc. I'm pretty much an example of the opposite situation of what most people assume rape is like. I was in France, and the family I was staying with told me that I did happen to be in an area with a lot of (known) prostitution or something, so the father of the family was CERTAIN the guy did it because he couldn't find a prostitute and he was just horny. I don't think that at all. I think it was about power and humiliating me.

Many times, a girlfriend or wife will ask, upon hearing her mate accused of rape, "Why would he rape someone when he has me?" Again, they assume rape is about sex.

is this what you ment when you said

I don't think this is a "hatred towards men" post.. because she even mentions how some wives/girlfriends think rape is about sex, too.

Please show me proof of that statement, that’s one persons assumption of what might be said and has no basis in fact, I find it inflammatory, calculating and insulting to my intelligence, just how is this thread helping anyone?, sticking a trigger icon on it does not allow you to say what you want, it is not a post asking for support it is a blatent attack on men, with a link attached to self justify her outrage.

Just what support could you garner from her post? Anyone?

[asylumgardens]

Maybe she just wanted to rant about something. Plenty of people just have ranting posts where they don't offer support to others or specifically ask for support either.

That is the line I meant. I think her anger is just towards how the general public views rape in general, not just men. I even have a female friend who says that a girl who gets drunk at a party should just expect to be raped. It's not a gender thing with the misconceptions about rape.

[withit]

I think those who have engaged in this egregious crime are the ones who can shed light as to their motives. I think, and this is jmho, that one of the motives involved in rape is the desire to 'merge' and to 'connect' with another human being. I think there is a sadistic element to it. 'Connection' and 'sadism' are not mutually exclusive. jmho.

Risking further...
I would venture that many would not ever think that a husband can actually rape, since it is "his" right to have sex.
Forced or not. In particuliar, not 20 some years ago in the US culture.

what does this have to do with the thread?

me expressing my opinion, and experience I guess thereby a lessing of my internal pain. my personal goal.

[January]

Somehow the point is being missed that men are not the only ones that rape. Women rape, too, so why don't we have a post saying, "Why Do Women Rape?" Why don't we have a post saying, "Why Do People Rape?"

It is too easy to bash men forgetting that women do it, too. Why don't we have a post saying, "Why Do People Touch Children Inappropriately"?

Can you see where generalizations go? It's like opening a pandora's box of misguided questions and assertions. I mean to hurt no one by my words, I just am trying to get everyone to think.

January

A rant I can understand, this is not a rant, it is an attack on males in general,

why just call it “why men rape” do women not rape also? Or is that to tabu to mention? Why not call it “why do people rape” if it was just a rant? Instead of secluding one gender and making it out that men are the only ones that do this sickening act?, granted there are less documented cases of female rapists, doesn’t mean they are not out there.

[bebop]

rape is rape. male or female. I really don't think the poster meant to bash men in general. I think really the crime is much more predominately a male thing although the prisons are full of women doing the same thing. I think it is sick either way.

[asylumgardens]

I still honestly don't think the original poster was intending to bash men specifically. I think she was just angered by the reaction people (men and women) have to rape. I don't think she meant to imply that ONLY men rape or that ALL men rape. I think it was just taken the wrong way.

[Maven]

No, I wasn't bashing men. I was ranting a bit about a discussion my boyfriend and I frequently have...about men. Yes, women rape, and if the discussions had included how my bf feels about women rapists, I'd have brought that up. This is specifically about men, and there is NOTHING in my original post to suggest I am bashing men. I'm perhaps bashing male rapists, but it would only take a simple search on this site to find that I generally address both sexes. I am really offended you twisted my words like that. I love men, but I hate rapists. The reasons men rape may be different than why women rape. The reasons women kill, in general, are not all the same as men.

Asylum is correct. I'm irritated by some people's reactions as to why rape happens, by MALES. Someone started another thread, and females can be addressed there, but I was talking about males here. And that link I posted did not have a lot of intelligent posters. The last one in particular was very sickening. That discussion was posted in 2003, if I recall correctly, so it wouldn't likely continue the discussion with the original posters if I responded.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Maven said:
One thing my boyfriend has always maintained is that sometimes men rape simply because they're horny. I've never been able to get him to understand that men don't rape just because they're horny. I've explained to him that men rape because they feel women are (or the woman in question is) beneath them.

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I personally think it is a mix of the two - they (men that rape) have little or no RESPECT for the female body or the female as a person, therefore, they rape because they want too, becasue they can in their minds.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
bebop said:
I think really the crime is much more predominately a male thing although the prisons are full of women doing the same thing. I think it is sick either way.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I agree, but lets face it RAPE is more of a male thing and always has been and always will be.......... and Yes, women are in prison for this same thing - and yet their numbers are way lower and it is more often for being with a consenting minor and not as much from sex thru force / rape.

such a good post..... Jan.... thank you...

i openly appologise to maven, i did the very thing i accused her of, assumption, my bad, sorry.

[January]

wow

Jan

[okiedokie]

Rape is not about sex, or horniness. It is about power, control and dominance over another human being.

Okie

[Maven]

It's ok, Mellors. Apology accepted.

I agree, rape isn't about horniness. I think there are some guys who get turned on to hurt or humiliate a woman (and women who are like that with men), but actually doing it against a woman's consent isn't about sexual desire.

[ECHOES]

Rape is definitely about power, control, and humiliation.

It is also about sex because these things arouse the rapist sexually.

So I can understand what your bf is trying to say maybe?

Just a thought.