Deep shame about a fetish

Dec 16, 2016 at 08:52 PM

It's only a problem if you aren't able to work, be social and go about your daily life. As long as it doesn't dominate the aspects of your day-to-day situations, there isn't really anything wrong with it. I have the same interest (I wouldn't even call it a fetish), except I like full-back panties. I've have it since high school and I am 27 now. You're doing fine, there's nothing to worry about and I hope you can be at a place where this simple turn-on is comfortable and does not bring anxiousness.

Patagonia · Dec 17, 2016 at 08:24 AM

Ummmm let's not call each other "sick, crazy, weird" etc over fetishes.
There's enough judgment out there.
Thanks

CloserToTheMid · Dec 17, 2016 at 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Ummmm let's not call each other "sick, crazy, weird" etc over fetishes.
There's enough judgment out there.
Thanks

I hear what you are saying, but I'm making a point. society sees those as sick,etc, but no one would say that about thong underwear. And none of it is anything to be ashamed of.

Ubuntu1 · 03:53 PM

Ok I have to say that as a kid like when I was 13 or so I remember just the lingerie section of like the sears catalogue or jc penny or whatever turned me on. Like there didn't even have to be a model or whatever. I guess just the connotations of it. This is hard for me to admit because I feel like it is a huge problem that I got turned on from that. Like if you look at societies view of it one should only be turned on by a significant other or spouse, you shouldn't be more sexually excited just because of what your significant other is wearing ,etc.Maybe I am vastly overthinking this. I mean maybe it's not the end of the world that this is one of my big turn ons. If I really just stop and look at it logically it's a pretty "soft" thing to be into. I mean I'm not into hardcore bdsm for example (although there's nothing wrong with that if both people consent). It's hard to go really in depth about this because it's like scrutinizing specific things about sexuality I guess you can say.

wiretwister · Dec 18, 2016 at 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ubuntu1

.Maybe I am vastly overthinking this. I mean maybe it's not the end of the world that this is one of my big turn ons. If I really just stop and look at it logically it's a pretty "soft" thing to be into .... . It's hard to go really in depth about this because it's like scrutinizing specific things about sexuality I guess you can say.

yes you over thinking this ... what you should be asking yourself is not what turns you on but why is it bothering you ... find that out and I feel you problem will solve itself ...

LadyShadow · Dec 18, 2016 at 10:05 AM

Listen, the honest truth I am woman that's into some crazy **** that I never even thought about before. I won't go into detail because let's be real this is about you. First your "fetish" if you can even call it that is pretty "soft" as you said yourself, and many people have said, thongs are something to get men going, just like nylons and lingerie.

So you're into a specific type of lingerie, is that so bad? Just think of it as sexy lingerie if it makes your mind feel better instead of going on Wikipedia and getting a crazy amount of information that makes you feel worse! I mean how does beastiality = liking thongs? That's your OCD running amuck my friend. Again, as others have said, as long as you are not hurting anyone and getting relief, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Again think of it as a sexy type of lingerie you like and try to stay away from the words "sick and fetishes" and try not to equate the two either.

Just enjoy being a healthy hot blooded 25 year old male who likes what he likes!

growlycat · Dec 18, 2016 at 04:39 PM

Sure you may have a fetish but does it interfere with your everyday life? Are you hurting anyone? Most likely the answer is no. Finding a contained place for it in your life and feeling ok with yourself are good things to explore in therapy.

Ubuntu1 · Dec 18, 2016 at 06:04 PM

No I'm not hurting anyone or anything. It's just based on what science knows our turn ons are basically permanent after puberty and I feel like my fetish turns me on too much. Like sure I like other things but my particular kink is an even bigger turn on. I think acceptance will help in the long run, ie me just accepting that it's a big turn on and incorporating it into my life somehow so that it doesn't make me anxious anymore. Again I think I mentioned previously in this thread that I have OCD and it's an ongoing battle to deal with. Most of my OCD revolves around responsibility and morality so learning to accept that I have a kink will be tough but doable I think. Basically a lot of the issue is my OCD telling me that I am sexually abnormal for being so into a particular article of lingerie and comparing myself to others who only like a great personality, or only like sex in the missionary position 3 times a week etc

Shazerac · Dec 23, 2016 at 10:16 PM

I think that this is an issue with your OCD and trying to label what is basically normal sexual fantasies. There is nothing immoral about being fascinated and turned on by a lady's thong. You're a young man I and I foresee many thongs in your future

Erebos · Jan 02, 2017 at 10:03 AM

@ ubuntu, a fetish is usually classified as someone becoming sexually aroused by objects not related to sex or intimacy. Underwear, particularly things and lacy underwear are designed to be eye-catching and aesthetically pleasing. Your arousal to this is absolutely normal. My partner has a very similar thing for lacy underwear. A girl can go from a 5 to a 10 on the "would do" scale just cos of the underwear. It's fine, I don't object at all because it's something I can be involved with as his partner.
I think if you feel so strongly that it's upsetting you then maybe a therapist would be a good place to set things straight in your head.
All the best.I really hope you find some way to be ok with this and happy in yourself.

Alchemy · Jan 02, 2017 at 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ubuntu1

I’m a 25 year old male that has recently discovered that he has a fetish. Ever since puberty I have been extremely turned on by girls that wore thongs( underwear) . Like on a scale of 1 to 10 I might find a girl attractive but if she wore thongs too then it would make the attraction a 10. I never really thought much about it until recently and I have become greatly concerned about this. I have been reading online about how fetishes are a type of mental disorder that needs treatment and it has been giving me a lot of anxiety . I have almost been trying to convince myself lately that I don’t like my fetish and have been trying to bury my feelings. I can “get off” to other things besides my fetish now if I try but it still makes me feel like all these years I’ve had a terrible mental illness. What do I do now I feel like some sort of freak. Should I try to take libido reducing medication so that I don’t get turned on by my fetish?
Also it says on the Wikipedia article about paraphilias that fetishism is a subset of paraphilia. Well paraphilias include everything from bdsm to even bestiality. It gives me a lot of anxiety to even be considered in the same class as something like bestiality in terms of them both being a “paraphilia” . it sickens me and I feel gross. I almost feel like I want to die cause I wasn’t born normally

I don't see anything wrong with you. there's a lot of difference in liking clothes then wanting to do terrible and harmful stuff! you're overthinking ^_0 I'm not a therapist anyway. just a person. but I'e also heard that the people who like young children don't do it by choice and many don't act upon it so....

Ubuntu1 · Jan 12, 2017 at 11:07 PM

I'm feeling a little better after I found this article: New Research Shows Rat 'Lingerie' Really Gets Rodents In The Mood | The Huffington Post
Basically it was an experiment done on rats where they learned to associate more arousal when their partner was wearing a certain type of "lingerie" (weird I know). I think a similar thing happened to me, somehow I conditioned myself to like my "fetish" , probably subconsciously ,and the fact that there is a biological explanation for it makes me feel better about the whole thing.

Patagonia · Jan 13, 2017 at 08:30 AM

Pavlov's dog theory?

Ubuntu1 · Jan 24, 2017 at 11:42 PM

If someone has a problematic fetish, for instance, is there any way to reduce their reliance on it for arousal? Basically I desperately just want to have the same amount of arousal to normal sex as to my fetish. I've read a lot of conflicting things say that CBT for fetishism doesn't really work in the long term and that there is no way to remove a fetish per se. The only thing that seems to work is by lowering your sex drive with antidepressants or antiandrogens but then your sex drive would decrease for things not related to your fetish as well. I just feel like my brain is somehow wired wrong and always will be and that I'm in some super small minority of men that only get turned on by a specific thing. It distresses me a lot because there is something fundamentally wrong with my sexuality.

Trippin2.0 · Jan 25, 2017 at 10:42 AM

There's nothing "fundamentally wrong" with your sexuality.

Women wear lingerie, (coz we want to) you're not going to have to make "strange" requests when you're about to have sex in order to be aroused.
She'll get undressed, you'll see her naughty under garments, and voila!

What on God's green earth could be more natural and normal?

You seem dead set on wanting or needing to believe something is wrong with you, and your sexuality no matter how many folks assure you that your tastes are more vanilla than vanilla itself...

I'm starting to wonder if thats what's actually "fundamentally wrong" with you....

Patagonia · Jan 26, 2017 at 07:01 PM

Are you looking for something to be "fundamentally wrong with your sexuality?" Because it sounds like it.
Look at your posts. You keep contradicting yourself.
Maybe you need to focus on your OCD.

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Deep shame about a fetish

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Patagonia Grand Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing! Posts: 4,660 10 77 hugs given	Dec 17, 2016 at 08:24 AM #22 Ummmm let's not call each other "sick, crazy, weird" etc over fetishes. There's enough judgment out there. Thanks __________________ "Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult
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growlycat Therapy Ninja Member Since Jan 2007 Location: How did I get here? Posts: 10,308 17 16.1k hugs given	Dec 18, 2016 at 04:39 PM #27 Sure you may have a fetish but does it interfere with your everyday life? Are you hurting anyone? Most likely the answer is no. Finding a contained place for it in your life and feeling ok with yourself are good things to explore in therapy.
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Patagonia Grand Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing! Posts: 4,660 10 77 hugs given	Jan 13, 2017 at 08:30 AM #33 Pavlov's dog theory? __________________ "Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult
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Patagonia Grand Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing! Posts: 4,660 10 77 hugs given	Jan 26, 2017 at 07:01 PM #36 Are you looking for something to be "fundamentally wrong with your sexuality?" Because it sounds like it. Look at your posts. You keep contradicting yourself. Maybe you need to focus on your OCD. __________________ "Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult
	Reply With Quote