Need Women's Context - Wife Masterbating/Talking

Background: My wife (together 10 years) let me know early on that she had limited interest in sex; it just wasn't something she gave much thought to. She was a studious/stressed/insomniac teen who rarely dated. When we met she was 28 and had slept with only one person - they were together 8 years and spent most of that time living on separate continents, going for months (sometimes close to a year) w/o seeing each other and when they did it was often for only a week or two at a time. So sex wasn't something she had to deal with for long stretches of time. She let me know that she wasn't opposed to sex, but really really needed to "be put in the right mood". As time went, on sex became more infrequent (and 99% of the time initiated by me) causing tension and fights, which of course made her less and less interested in being intimate, and so on. We now have two kids (ages 5 and 1) and all of the stress that goes with that, which then exacerbated our other issues. Sex for the last 18+ months has been almost non-existent.

I could go on but here's where i'd appreciate your thoughts. The other day i overheard her masterbating. This was a first for me as she refuses to do this in my presence or as part of our sex life. I clearly heard her say "f*** me" and then over the course of 2 minutes she repeated "I love you daddy" more than half a dozen times. I'm not bothered by her self pleasure and i'm not one of those who thinks that means she wants to "be with" her father. That said, she has NEVER referred to me by that term. In fact, she is uncomfortable doing "sexy talk" during sex (what i heard her say in a few minutes may have surpassed ALL of her non-prompted "dirty talk" she's done with me).

She likes her daily life very regimented and surprises make her uncomfortable (even good ones). That said, She has told me that she "sometimes" likes a feeling during sex of being "overpowered" or "not in control". (Which I think isn't uncommon in folks who stress about a lot of stuff.)

She didn't have the best relationship with her father growing up. Mostly because he's selfish which makes him a bit of a jerk and he didn't get along with her mother so there was always tension in the house. All three get along together fine now. Based on what i've seen/talked to her about, i'm doubtful there was any physical abuse there.

Her "normal women body issues" have always been heightened a bit since I've been with her and she has always been uncomfortable whenever she is uncovered. To add to her stress/anxiety growing up, she had major back surgery in middle school (it was a surprise to her-so something she didn't have control over) which kept her physically limited for months and more than a year before she could participate in sports (and in fact had to give up her favorite).

She's told me she really likes feeling protected. Something she's said during some of our rougher patches she didn't feel I was providing. And of course I'm sure she didn't feel protected by her father growing up based on how she said he acted (again, not physical, but he sure was a jerk).

So, I'm looking for some insight. I think what she's doing is essentially normal, I just want to understand it better. Where does the "I love you Daddy" come from in her masturbation fantasy? Again, I'm not jealous, I'd just like to understand better because we've issues still to work on.

Sorry so long.

Maybe it's a secret fantasy of hers. Maybe it's something that she thinks about or wishes keeps secret but it's not normal to other people. It's sounds like to me even though she doesn't sound like she was abused, maybe something did happen with her dad. It happens and people hide it well sometimes. Or she could using that phrase like how people play during sex lol.

What do you think she'd say if you told her you overheard her and asked her about it?

This has, to me, bdsm Daddy/baby girl themes running all thru it! Maybe it's fantasy, erotic writing she likes, the Daddy dynamic etc.
you might wanto read about it too, but there's a lot out there to read.
I don't see any red flags relating to abuse, but how does this effect you sexually?
Yeah I'd wanto know what she'd say if you confront her too.