I don't know

I always thought about sex as a unnecessary activity in life and I can live without it doing other more important things, I never watched porn and I think it's so pointless to watch two people are ****ing each others when you actually can do it with someone and I feel it's unhealthy too, I feel disgusted about the idea of porn videos, some people tell me this is called being an a-sexual cause I never feel sexually aroused too, When I'm in a relationship I only care about emotions, trust, caring and the idea of loving him but unfortunately guys don't care about this and maybe this is the reason why I'll die alone, Last time I made out with a guy I was so turned on and he told me that means I'm not an a-sexual but I think I'm only turned on and accepting the idea of having sex with someone I really have feelings to and I was so emotionally attached to this guy, on the other hand I may get sexually attracted to a girl I don't even know and I'm not even a bi-sexual, sometimes when I'm in love with someone I'm not getting sexually active when we make out and sometimes a touch of him turns me on and there's nothing in between, I feel confused about myself and this is hurting me lately.

This sounds like demisexuality to me and there's nothing wrong with it at all. You are in that place of self-discovery, I hope it's a good journey! Sure, it can be confusing at times but you can always ask questions and learn more. Do what's good for you, always

I know about demisexuality, but I feel there is something wrong in changing my mind a lot

Do you have an abusive past?

An abusive past can make everything extremely confusing, and not actually change your "label" or orientation one bit. That is, your core orientation is set, but the abuse just causes chaos and confusion so we don't really know our true feelings.

I don't remember, or maybe I don't wanna mention it

Its ok, you don't have to talk about anything you're not comfortable talking about.

I just know my sexuality is very messed up from abuse, and I have met other abuse survivors who have struggled with their sexuality too. I am finally to the point of being ok with "me" and not worrying so much about defining myself. Whatever I am is perfectly OK!