[DodgersMom]

I posted this in another thread but just now saw this one and figured it's best to ask here

Ok...well I am a 35 yr old virgin who has also never kissed a guy or been on a date etc. I didn't think it bothered me until I asked this a few other places and I started to realize how much it really does

You see, I was raised by a Narssacist mom and was never "allowed" male friends growing up and was always told that only "trashy people have sex before marriage" and I was always threatened she would "beat my ***" if she found out I had done anything, needless to say, this fear haunted me and lead me to never do anything. I don't even have a male friend. Any males I've hung out with in the past, she questioned like crazy....

I am really unsure of how to bring this up in therapy and not because I am really embarrassed but more because I have such shame over this. I SHOULD be more ahead in life, most of my peers have at least gone on a date.

I also made the stupid mistake of telling a "friend" and now when I see her at game nights, she makes jokes about it in front of everyone. It drives me crazy and makes me feel like a loser. So many people know this about me and I never told them.

I think because in therapy we are talking about my mom issues and friend issues, this is relevant. I just don't know how to say it without feeling so awful about myself Any help?

A note which you give to T maybe? Shove it at her and say you're too ashamed to read it aloud - I've done that with my T.

[tryingtobeconstruct]

Maybe print up your post and hand it to her? You expressed yourself pretty well in that post.

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

I am really unsure of how to bring this up in therapy and not because I am really embarrassed but more because I have such shame over this. I SHOULD be more ahead in life, most of my peers have at least gone on a date.

Just be direct. I had occasion one time to be on a staffing project with medical records and I read them. We had to for the job to put them on a computer. HONESTLY.. it was shocking. Just of what I read about 30% were virgins. Many others were listed as not sexually active in over 5 years. Some of those were married.

I am sure this is not the shocking thing you might think it is especially with a therapist. I am sure they will say something like what can I do for you or what brings you here and just be matter of fact about it. Like if you were at the doctor because your stomach hurt.

[kipper-bang]

All the best suggestions have been given here. I remember as a child I found it difficult to tell my mum some things so I would write them down in a form of a letter and sometimes add the conclusions I had come to. This way she knew I had thought about the problem and wanted to solve it.

Mum would read the letter and a few hours later she would take me aside to talk about it and any ideas she had about the problem. It was such a relief to write it all down (never mind the spelling etc) and my m um, like your therapist was never judgemental.

Good luck x