My Spanking Interest

I have had a lifelong fascination with spanking. At times, it is even an obsession. It has been with me since early childhood. I am trying to pinpoint why I have it, what caused it, and if it is possible to get rid of it. Please, don't judge. I know that this is sick and unnatural. I am looking for helpful answers. Let me describe my interest. I am interested in disciplinary spanking, NOT adult consensual/pleasure spanking. My interest is limited to spankings given to children either by parents or teachers/principals. If it is not disciplinary, then it is not interesting to me. Playful birthday spankings, consensual spankings, and even hazing/fraternity paddlings don't interest me one bit. I couldn't care less about spanking as part of a couple's sex life, etc. Doesn't interest me in the least what a couple does in their bedroom. It is solely those given as true discipline. And, plus, I am only fascinated by the discipline of minors. I have no interest in the discipline of wives or husbands by their spouses, etc.

I still remember the first moment when I realized that I had this fascination. I was about 4 years old and was watching the "Tom and Jerry" cartoon. There was a scene where Jerry trapped Tom in a window and spanked him with a paddle. I remember watching that scene and having a "funny" feeling. I can't describe the feeling, but it was one of pure fascination. I knew that for some reason, I liked what I was seeing. It captivated me. Ever since that day, I searched for spanking scenes in TV and movies and books and everywhere else. I am now in my late 30s, but I can remember spanking scenes or threats in TV shows that I saw way back in the '80s. To illustrate how obsessed I am, I have even bought entire DVD sets of shows just to see one quick spanking scene again after all these years. If I saw anything spanking-related in shows or movies, I NEVER forgot it. I would always watch for those episodes to come back on TV where I could record them. If I had a scene recorded, I might rewind it 100 times and watch it over and over and over.

My interest goes way beyond TV and movies and books. If I am in a store and hear a parent threaten a child with a spanking, I pay total attention. As soon as I hear the word "spanking", my ears perk up. I stop whatever I am doing and am totally attentive. As sick as this sounds, sometimes I wish the child would continue to misbehave where the parent would spank the child in my presence. I also love it when spanking discussions began at work. I love hearing my co-workers talk about their childhood spankings. It is so interesting to me to find out whether or not my friends and co-workers were spanked as children. I also want to know HOW they were spanked, who spanked them, all the details. I know that this is not normal. There is something wrong with me. It is not normal to care about someone's childhood spankings. Why do I care so much? I want to understand. I can't help caring and wondering and being fascinated. If a friend is describing a spanking she got at age 7 or whatever, I am fully captivated. I could listen all day long.

Any ideas on what might have caused me to be this way? Was it something in my childhood? I have heard about spanking being a form of sexual assault on children. I was spanked as a child. I hated it. I hated it even after I realized that I was fascinated with it. Whenever I was told that I was about to get a spanking, I was terrified and full of dread. My stomach felt sick, and I always tried to beg my way out of it. I was always spanked with my clothes on, never had my pants pulled down. Still, one time, I remember having sort of a pleasure feeling before a spanking started. Then, once it started, it hurt so bad that I cried and begged for it to stop. I felt so awful and mad after spankings. I would do anything to get out of getting one, including lying. Why would I be so fascinated with something and hate it at the same time? What is wrong with me? For the record, I do not engage in adult spanking. I have never felt the desire to engage in adult spanking. My interest is limited to watching spanking scenes in TV and movies, listening to friends' stories, and listening for spankings/threats out in public. Still, there is something very wrong. Why am I this way?

Hi, sammi38, and welcome to Psych Central! I have no doubt that your interest comes from your childhood. I suggest you talk to a professional about it, since you are concerned.

If this is a lifelong fascination, an obsession, but not a desire nor something that you wanto participate in, why do you seem to torture your own self by calling yourself sick & unnatural?
I don't understand this. Is this bec society has taught you not to like this "taboo?"
It seems like you're beating yourself up over a fetish that's kind of mainstream & I don't think you need to. Try some acceptance for your true Self.

Why do you wanto "pinpoint why you have it?" Will that do anything? Can you just accept this as part of who you are & welcome it into your Selfhood. Please don't ban it or send it away.
Imho everyone has fetishes. Some even let them off their leash.

I think - my opinion - that you should stop thinking about this not-so-rare area of pleasure and give into it so that you can decide if you want to explore this as a lifestyle or not.

You would make a perfect vanilla sub - terrific for a vanilla dom. M/F might not matter.

What you seem to want is punishment by hands on yer bum spanking that arse? Humiliation in small doses?

Please, stop overthinking this fascination - just do it, like.

I don't think you should feel bad about it. I can relate to what you say when you describe fascination and such. My interest isn't spanking but women's panties. What you say matches my experience to a T. If I hear a lady even mention the word "panty" or talk about what types of panties they like to wear my ears perk up. Seeing a lady in panties is also extremely erotic to me .
Like you, I tried to understand why I was fascinated by it but came to no conclusion. But the way you describe your story is almost like I wrote it word for word except that the turn on or fascination is spanking for you and panties for me. Mine started around the age of 11 or so and has been with me ever since (26 year old now). Also, like you I am sort of picky about the fascination. When you describe that certain forms of spanking such as couples spanking each other isn't a turn on, I'm also picky in that only certain "styles" of panties are the most arousing to me (thongs and g strings). I spent many years distressed over it and feeling very ashamed that I was in to something that wasn't just "normal sex" or what you are usually fed by society. I just learned to accept that this was the way I was and not care what other people think. Just know that you are not alone there are many different fetishes/ fascinations including feet, panties, stockings, spanking, bdsm, etc and people are going through the same thing you are.

As a side note, if you went to a therapist they won't be able to tell you either. I've tried to figure out why with one and they couldn't tell me why. It just has to do with certain events that happen in childhood. For whatever reason, your brain paired spanking with a strong erotic response and it "stuck". I'm not sure if every person has a situation like that but it is not uncommon or something because lots of people have different fetishes. I imagine upwards of 10% of all people have a fetish in the sense of something that fascinates them that they acquired in childhood , they just don't talk about it. That's almost 750 million people so please don't stress about it

What exactly is a "vanilla sub?" I'm not familiar with this term. It sounds like an oxymoron. Maybe?

The OP clearly states that they are only fascinated with spankings done to "minors." They do not want to be spanked. I think that line is pretty clear in the post. Maybe after understanding this "part" they can continue their exploration of it.

OP.....if you're still looking for answers, I think you might try researching "imprinting" in general psychology. It happens to all of us especially when we're very young.
When you hear these stories does it lead to sexual arousal? Or is it like a car crash & you just can't turn away?

I too am wondering what a vanilla sub is.....

But to the original poster, having a fetish isn't even considered "abnormal" any more. I think you're torturing yourself needlessly. If it really bothers you, I think it would help to seek help from a therapist.

It is a substitute for vanilla extract. It is a lot cheaper than regular vanilla extract.

You’re right, unless fetishism become partialism but I’ve not run across many.

Oh - ‘vanilla sub’: someone who is only occasionally dominated, and never with a dom who might make commands beyond what the vanilla sub would naturally do. A ‘vanilla sub’ never experiences the pleasure of pain and would never consent to, e.g., the dom’s eight-man gangbang.

Just a vanilla sub.

No, a vanilla sub is no oxymoron but rather a sub with extreme limitations - the kind of white-bread-and-mayonnaise-sandwich types, ya know?

Yes, I see minors mentioned and would certainly warn the OP that fantasies with minors are fine... but not in real life play.

No I'm sorry I still don't understand this. It does not make ANY sense to me & ive been in the scene for awhile. This "definition" does not fit any long standing definitions of what bdsm is built on.
Maybe it's a regional term?.....or just a theory? Maybe you're thinking of TPE?

There's so many issues with just the term "vanilla sub". Their polar opposites actually. Let's not argue over definitions tho, I can see this getting difficult.

A sub with extreme limitations......is called a date!

But you're original opinion to the OP was asking if they wanted punishment on their arse & that they should go try it. I'm not sure what is being said here anymore.

And the "mayo sandwich types" are you referring to the sexual act here? I'm not sure.

They usually say that embracing is best, but I do see how you'd find that level of obsession tiring. Probably "very wrong" does not capture it, but "too much" or "too intense" does?

There is a general approach called desensitization, where you engage in what you want to stop as much as possible, until - hopefully - you become desensitized. I do not know if that would work for you, because you already have rewound the same episode 100 times, but, when you did, you thought it was wrong. How about you do another 100 rewinds, but not thinking that it is wrong?

Also, you do not mention books. What happens when you read a book rather than watch a show? Do you take pleasure in imagining a spanking scene? more pleasure/less/same as with TV or movies?

"Uncle Tom's cabin" and Maxim Gorky's "Childhood" would be classic examples of scenes in which minors are spanked.

"Uncle Tom's cabin" and Maxim Gorky's "Childhood" would be classic examples of scenes in which minors are spanked.[/QUOTE]

^ Or any sitcom/TV show from the 50's or older.

A sub wth limitations is called a date. I love this!

Not to get off-topic, but... a ‘white bread and mayonnaise submissive’ is the same as a ‘vanilla submissive.’ What is the most common, dullest ice cream flavor? Vanilla. Now I’ve never been into heavy-duty BDSM - just a casual dom with casual subs: as I’ve said elsewhere I never attempted to inflict permanent scarring or draw much blood.

No, no, not TPE at all!

Does that make sense, now?

Nope! Not at all.

Goodness.

Okay - let’s say that Bill enjoys being trussed and flogged with a soft suede flogger. Bill enjoys a simple form of submission. Very basic leather/rope trussing.

Jill enjoys being trussed, too, but she wants to feel the genuine pain that can be inflicted only by leather/metal floggers that make indelible marks on her body. Jill is in a TPE relationship. And her bondage is much more extreme. Much, much more extreme.

Bill is the ‘vanilla’ sub - the white-bread-and-mayonnaise sub; the most common, less flavorful and blander sub than Jill who loves only through complete submission.

Can you actually not understand what ‘vanilla’ means in this context? Do you read books often? ‘Vanilla’ is often used as a synonym for ‘plain,’ ‘basic,’ ‘modest,’ &etc.

I shouldn’t say this, as I don’t have one, but maybe you should invest in a good thesaurus? It could help you understand the use of words that may, on the surface, seem to have only one meaning.

I should have read the OP more closely before responding: I cannot imagine how fantasies of children being punished by spanking is a fancy that can be realized beyond sheer imagination.

Thank you so much for you very condescending reply. Your "mansplaining it to me is Not needed, thank you. I did say that I've been in the seen for a few years so I do understand what "vanilla" is & the bdsm terms. VERY well!

You use many broad terms....that are not very broad. We'll just agree to disagree & not get into this discussion. Then I don't have to pick minute details apart.
But I've never, in all my years, had the word "vanilla" mixed into bdsm terms. That's where there's a line drawn so one can see a distinct difference.
Maybe your term "vanilla" refers to what we call "weekenders" who decide they wanto explore bdsm for a weekend & know everything bec they read the fifty shades series.
That's a Very bad idea bec this is how most get hurt.
(And I'm not sure you understand TPE bec it's not about heavy bondage. Not at all)
Maybe you need to pick up a book on bdsm terms.

You’re very welcome and I’m glad that after denying an understanding of my use of the word ‘vanilla’ you say that you now understand. We have both achieved something.

My traditional BDSM involvement was just another passing fancy decades ago. My particular brand of Sadism probably isn’t found in de Sade or those ‘fifty shades’ books.

Next time you get worked up, I suggest PM’ing.