[palsera27]

Last spring my mom forced me to come out. Her justification she “needed to confirm it”. According to her someone was spreading rumors. She told me everyone was talking about it. But I asked around and no one had said anything. She accused some old friends of my making me gay. Would say things just let it go. Fortunately I was able to dodge being forced to come out my crush whom is presumably straight.

However she did say she knew. Awhile back my mom and grandma were talking about marriages. I said Mom I’m not interested in men and she said I know.

I don’t what it is. I have never really showed interest in men. I crushes on girl actresses /teachers. Played with stuffed animals rather than dolls. Read girly magazines as teens.

The only real indicator would be when I befriend my crush who was 7yrs older than me. I have as in High School. At the time she was tv journalist. We became really close friends. She was was the one that told me what it meant to be bisexual, lesbian, etc. she basically told what each letter of the LBGTQ meant. Told me was ok. I didn’t know a such thing existed.

I didn’t start liking guys until I was 28.

So parents how did you know.

[eclairparty98]

I'm not a parent but mine snooped on my phone only to stumble upon a conversation between me and another person talking about my crush on a guy, lol. They weren't being nosy, it was with great intentions as I was going through a rough patch and had difficulty opening up about serious matters to them and my therapist. I don't blame them for snooping, it was a perfectly rational response to what was going on

Anyway -- I still denied that I'm gay and made up a really far fetched excuse as to why I spoke about men in that way. I don't know whether they believed me but we've not spoken about it since. They made it very clear that they're okay with me being gay BUT I was the one who couldn't take it and totally refused to speak about it, ahahaha...

I have a 25 year old son. I have been pretty sure he is gay since he was 3 years old. When he finally does tell me I will tell him I love and support him, and ask, What took you so long?

I knew my son was gay when he was about fifteen. He wouldn't talk to me about anything. He just didn't talk to me. Then I found condoms in his room. Yes, I was snooping, because he didn't talk and he'd leave for prolonged periods of time, then return and wouldn't talk. So I confronted him about the condoms. He remembers it as me "kicking him out for being gay." I told him he had to talk to me if he wanted to live there. I just wanted to talk to him so we could know he was okay. So he left and didn't come back for a few days. I already knew he was gay, I just wanted to know if he was safe. We don't always see things the way they really are. If I had known I was going to trigger a "you kicked me out because I was gay moment, I would left him alone, but then I would be being a neglectful parent. so it was a lose-lose for me.

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by clairerobin

I knew my son was gay when he was about fifteen. He wouldn't talk to me about anything. He just didn't talk to me. Then I found condoms in his room. Yes, I was snooping, because he didn't talk and he'd leave for prolonged periods of time, then return and wouldn't talk. So I confronted him about the condoms. He remembers it as me "kicking him out for being gay." I told him he had to talk to me if he wanted to live there. I just wanted to talk to him so we could know he was okay. So he left and didn't come back for a few days. I already knew he was gay, I just wanted to know if he was safe. We don't always see things the way they really are. If I had known I was going to trigger a "you kicked me out because I was gay moment, I would left him alone, but then I would be being a neglectful parent. so it was a lose-lose for me.

I don't think it was a lose-lose for you, clairerobin. To me, it sounds like a great parenting moment. Snooping was the right thing to do in this situation. By the sounds of it, your son would have reacted this way regardless of how you brought it to his attention. Am I to understand the condoms you brought to his attention is the moment you told him you knew he was gay?? Perhaps he wasn't ready to tell anyone and so reacted abruptly.