you guys are my only hope i fear..

Alright my hopeful internet friends, i have an embarrasing problem and it is hurting me in ways I can not really describe. I was in a relationship of about 4 years, i am a 21 year old male. I have ADHD. The girl i was with was pretty and everything. It was bad. We broke up because she had sex with someone else, whcih affected me for awhile, but i guess im fine now. I hooked up with a girl a couple hours ago, and she was really pretty, very nice, had very large mammory glands which im not used to, and i like talking to her alot. Sounds perfect right? Here is the problem.....

lately i guess ive been questioning my sexual preference and such, today after i came home from her house, and when i was making out with her and stuff i was erect and stuff but it didnt totally feel right. Now ive had sex with only one person, and have done only things with other girls that I dont need to go into. Regardless, Im sort of having strange thoughts. I am having thoughts of guys sometimes when i watch porn, I can't tell whether I;'m atttracted to a penis and i only watch straight porn but when a guy performs oral sex on a girl ,this revolting thought of a guy having oral sex with me pops into my head, and ive had trouble in my head in the recent months imagining me having sex with anothe rgirl, i guess suddenly that lower region looks a bit strange to me like i guess if i masterbate too much that might be part of it, but regardless, my best friends were around and they are good lookin guys and I didnt want to like do anythign wit htem or anything, but whats going on with me? Am i just freaking out for no reason or am i gay or something? ive never done anything wit ha guy except when i was like 4 years old i think which is gross and i couldnt ever imagine myself like being in love with a guy, but when i see two gays together i just feel weird and stuff... I dont know maybe im just worrying to much but I want to be able to have worry free sex with a girl and not have to worry about anything because im talkin to this girl who 2 years ago i would have been slobbering over and now im feeling weird, does sexual feelings change>?
Please help me!

Sorry to ask..i am a bot confused abotu your jender....

now, as far as you being gay or what ever..i personally believe-and i think that if you grasp what i say-it can give you some freedom amd release-

1. "sexual preference" is out of choice. first off- sexual needs come and go to your body-and you can satisfy it in different way! no matter what-boys or girls. you just need osmehow to satisfy it-hmm..don`t like mentionint it-but to fully explain it -mastrubations is the porrf tha sexdual satisfaciton is not a jender depending issue-but just somehting that comes a goes as the blood comethere to the body.

2. as far as being this or beng that-sex has a funcion-and we all knwo that naturally "most" people are strait. i had a really nice saying aout it "today there are no gay or straight- every1 is Bsexual....anywas today everyhting goes. rememebr today it so not AS BAD to be "gay"-althgouh form what i say you can understand i consider this an illussion

3. Whatever you prefere-girl or boys-TRY NOT TO JUDNGE YOUSELF YOURSLEF and respect and don`t be afraid of what people say....
EXCEPT WHAT THERE IS.

hmm... again i will go into something that i wouldn`t go normaly-
i HAD some "lessbian" dreams- 3 times - but believe me i am not bothered by it and i odn`t consider myself 1.

i think that if you are imaginative enough anyhting can "turn you on"...
jsut chill out and enjoy waht satisfys you and don`t judge yourself and don`t think of all those socialy definitions of" gay B stragiht - DO THEY REALLY MATTER???

hope it was helpful in a way....
if you feel it just confuses you.. ignore it by all means

hugs

Ooo, sorrry i forgot to put im a male around the "drinking age" And ive been having a lot of trouble with this! And of course, its all helpful, i just REALLY dont want to be gay!

if you don`t want to be gay that just means YOU ARE NOT GAY.
chill out.

i think that if you will be afraid of this you will be thinking more about it and it will chase you and will suspect all the time. but if you except the past thoguhts and let go of it then....the process of letting go is also done partuculary by talking to us on this boards or telling a friend..then you need to really let it go.

there were times in my life i suspected maybe i have lessbian charactiristecs....but never let that crap bothe rne because in the end...well it`s about hwo you see things that create YOUR REALITY.....and my choice was straight.

but if you CAN enjoy sex with a woman...well just don`t bother yourself so much i think. even if other images turn you on too.

i think that in particular it is because of the connection to OURSLEVES,,,,when we look out ourselves in the mirror long enough...chances are it turns us on..because it reminds us of it..so that`s why men can turn you on too. it happened to me with women journals...but i kne it was because f what i call self connection...

well this is how i see it at least.......

okay heres more of an update, and i plan to use this as a forum because i need help and i feel that talking on psychcentral helps much!

anyways, i guess i saw a friend who ive been friends with for awhile, and instantly i started feeling a strange, disturbing nervous feeling like wow he looks good like it was weird like a crush, well im living with him and my friend next semester at college and now im freaked as hell about that. then ill have sexual feelings about a woman and i think im fine then it disgusts me, i got close to a woman im hard yet i feel disgusted at times. sometimes it feels great. sometimes i just want to have sex. sometimes i dont. sometimes i masterbate a lot and its always to straight pornography. tonight i was with a woman and thought she was too little then i think about a man sometimes it intrigues me but sometimes i doubt myself ever doing that in real life because i think id find it gross to like perform oral sex or something and then sometimes ithink of a woman and sex and it seems great then sometimes it really doesnt and i just wonder what am i?! I was straight my ENTIRE life before the last couple of months what is going on with me? Who am I? Am i gay? bisexual? Straight, I DONT WANT TO BE GAY Like i want a wife and children and i want that lifestyle and i dont want any of that. someone help! No offense to those who are gay/lesbian/bi i just dont want that for myself but have no problem . like i do like boxing and stuff and suddenly i feel like vaguely attracted to certain guys when i watch boxing on tv and it freaks me out like none other.

what is going on wit hme, do i just need a break, i do watch porn everytime i masterbate sometimes as much as 4 times a day so i dunno if that has anything to do with it. i just need to vent and need help becasue its consuming my life and i dont even want to get out of bed in the morning some days and i feel likle all i want to do is sleep. thanks to anyone who listens and writes back i just feel like a freak and wonder why like i was iwth a girl and i dunno if i liked it but then was it just because i just had been masterbating a lot and stuff and just my body needs a break and was realy sweet and i really like like but then do i like her? how do i know? how does anyone know like i think i do? i have NO IDEA but i need help!

a break? lol..can you STP feeling sexual feeliings?...
hehe not sure if that can work..

have you ever talk to a psyhcologist or some1 like that about it
in my opinion you just think too much,,,,,,,and care too mucha bou thoguhts that come and go and may be natural. but it`s rare that you can let go ofit if you are confused and overwhemed like you tell us so....i htink point...if you don`t want to make it bigger, understand that all this "confussion" may be natural and really not have any significant meaning. but if you feel it IS a big probelm og to some1 like professional......

PS
i don`t htink that you shold count how many time you mastubate a day....don`t bother yourself about it if it doesn`t really wate too much time of your day etc...if it is your habbit i don`t think that you should beother about it........

well that`s what i think. try to fogret about labeling yoruself.

you wil have a wife and kids everything will be fine.

try to empty your head...form thoughts form time to time

okay so... heres the latest in my venting:

first off, im having repeated sexual thoughts about men suddenly but i dont want thta i just guess suddenly women who i found attractive for so long look like different to me. but i dont ever want to do this in real life, and refuse to masterbate or anything to men cause i think its gross and i dont want that for myself. the reason why i list masterbation/porn watching is because the ejeacualtion factor and maybe porn is just messing with me or something. is this possibly just a phase? i dont know. I WANT TO BE MARRIED to a WOMAN. do most college guys go through this. HELP!

okay i think that porn addiction thing could be true as well... like certain things are different now i guess since i started watching porn like religiously... in addition... i cant see myself like romantically linked with a guy or something I think that would be really weird but I just looked at my own thing down there and thought like an attraction i guess and in addition this is just killing me.. like i must check this board like 100 times a day to see if someone wrote back like I cant bring myself to hook up with a girl is it possible i just lost all attraction to women and like men now? would i? how do i know if i havent experienced it!? I dont want to expereince it! What if i like it? It seems somewhat appealing at times in my head... but i wont allow myself to watch the porn or masterbate to it? is that because of fear? like these questions are killing me? Am i gay? if i took a break from sexual activitty would it go away? is this natural? Do college guys just go through this? What the hell is going wrong with me!?

Okay im using this as a diary i guess,

so last night I had sex with a beautiful girl who i have had sex with many times, emotiaonlly i felt fine but mentally i was screwed up, like my feelings of love were there, but as soon as I saw her vagina i seemed not into it anymore and I even had like intrusive same sex thoughts which were SO unwanted because I was straight my whole life I just want my life back! I cant tell if there is porn or something messing me up or what not. I have watched porn every single day for like 4 times a day as an aid to masterbation for the last three years at least not to mention having sex everytime i was with my ex? I wake up and I do not have morning wood recently so I thought it could be a physical problem or something? I had a thought last night during sex of a guy having sex with me from behind during the first time we had sex and instantly I was like a lot less into it...... It really creeped me out?! I like go through this and its like omg im gonna act on it it attracts me then I think of actual acts of like perfroming oral sex or something on a man and then it like definitely doesnt turn me on then it turns me on a lot again but i am repuilesed at the same time because whooooolllleee life,s traight, to this day, no sex with men, ever, I dont want that.... ANy advice, i keep checking these forums and i keep getting scared so please write me back!?

Hey man, don't try it with a man like one of the posters suggested--as if sexual relations were like trying pretzels. You're scared and confused. Many college guys go through a confusing phase. Don't be so hard on yourself. A thought is just a THOUGHT--it doesn't mean you're going to act on the thought. A lot of people are curious, especially at your age. Just because you have some disturbing thoughts about relations with men does NOT mean you're gay or that you'll never get married. It sounds like to me that you're a straight guy. But like I've said before--back off on watching all the porn so much. Go ahead and masturbate all you want, but the porn is putting pictures and messages into your head that may be part of all the confusion. Talk to your therapist--it's his job to help you with confusion and anxiety.

Sounds like you are very confused right now? Step back from it for awhile...Take your time. Having thoughts of guys while watchig porn sounds like an indication that u may be gay? Quote: you said "i guess suddenly that the lower region suddenly looks strange to me" that of a female while masturbating.

I think u need to really slow down and give yourself times to process all of this. Get a good therapist and take it from there.

Good luck

I get turned on if I see girls kissing and stuff and I'm a straight female. But if I were gay that would be ok too. When I was in my late teens/early 20's I questioned my sexuality a lot. Its normal to do so. Just know that you'll be ok no matter what.

Oh and PS, I like men and I like sex with men, but it doesn't mean I like looking at genetals. Quite the opposite. I don't need to look at it to feel the pleasure from it.

Please try not to be so hard on yoursef. Maybe it's the whole casual sex thing with girls. Maybe what you're really looking for is a real connection with a woman. when I was you age I had the same thoughts about women (I am female). I even went as far as to try and have an encounter with another woman. Needless to say it didn't work out because when it got down to business I freaked. Now, I'm not telling you to go and have sex with a man, that was just my experience.
When I finally fell in love that's when sex with a man got good again. Having friends with benefits gets a little old sometimes.
Also, I think there is nothing wrong with looking at and liking teh anatomy of the same sex or even having a fantasy about them. I happen to think that women's bodies are so much more beautiful than a man's. And by the way, the majority of women that I know feel the same.
I don't know if I've helped you in any way, just know that I feel for you situation. Take care of yourself.

Hi immscared,

I have read your posts and can feel how distressed and confused you are. I do disagree with one of the replies you received as I truly believe that one does not choose to be homosexual. One may choose to experiment with the homosexual experience, but a true homosexual or bisexual is born that way. After having spoken to very many homosexual men and women, each have said that they knew that they were "different" from other when at a young age. Also, many of them were in denial as they did not want to be homosexual or bisexual and chose to live a life as a heterosexual and never finding true peace as they always felt they were doing something wrong when with the opposite sex. Some even married to "cure" themselves. Not surprisingly, each marriage ended in divorce. Eventually each of these people, with or without, the help of a therapist, became to accept their sexual preference.

I believe that Ziggy gave you some solid advice. Listen to him as he is quite knowledgeable and wise. Calm down and just allow yourself to be. See a therapist that specializes in alternative lifestyles perhaps. Maybe they can help you sort out your thoughts and fears.

Every one of the homosexual and bisexual people that I have met (very, very many) and talked to, admitted that they are comfortable with their lifestyle, but would rather be heterosexual because their lifestyle came with so many complications and scorn from many people who are only so happy to judge them.

I asked one homosexual male if he felt he chose to be homosexual. His reply "Why would I choose to live such a difficult life and risk losing friends, loved ones, and my career. I live this lifestyle because it is the only way I can live and feel like I can be who I am.:"

My husband and I have a very good friend that we have known since we were young. She admitted to me that she thought that she was gay while we were taking a walk and asked what she should do. I suggested to her that if she strongly believed herself to be a lesbian to meet others of that lifestyle to see if it felt right to her. She had dated many men but said that even holding hands with them felt very wrong to her. Today, she is very happy and in a homosexual relationship with a nurse. They have been together for years.

If you would feel comfortable, send me a private message. I would love to get to know you and maybe I could share some experiences with you so that you can calm down and just be who you are.

Hope I have been of some help. I know that I am a heterosexual female, but I also have a lot of insight regarding alternative lifestyles. This has been a gift from our friend who has given us the opportunity to meet very many people of other lifestyles. When I used to be ignorant (for lack of a better term), I am now enlightened.

Be Blessed and Take Care,
Peacemaker ISherri)

I have a dear friend whose basically embraced this sort of confusion. What he does is he watches gay porn but he sleeps with a woman. He claims it's sort of a forbidden exotic type of feel to it, he says it turns him on. I personally think it's the %#@&#! thing...but then again there's male/female %#@&#! porn as well.

I like to watch girl on girl myself, and I'm a chick. I agree with my friend that it's different and exciting...exotic. I'll even daydream of it occasionally. But when it comes down to it I wouldn't actually get groovy with a girl.

Fantasies seem to fuel curiosity and they run hand in hand. I wouldn't worry or fear that you're gay. Men fear that entirely to much because of societal pressures.

I can't say a n a l......jeez, haha.Okay...the butt thing. Ya'll know what I mean.

Silly censors