I might have a sexual dysfunction

I am 23 years old and female.

I don't know if I have a sexual dysfunction but I suspect I probably do. Being that I don't know any other women who suffer from the problems that I do when it comes to sexual intercourse.

Oral sex feels amazing to me I love it. I want it all the time. When I was in a relationship over a year ago, that is all my boyfriend used to do with me and I'd be satisfied. I would always orgasm from it. I also enjoy giving it too.

But when it comes to sexual intercourse... I don't feel ANYTHING, I am not talking about lack of orgasm because of course I can't have those..but I don't derive any sort of pleasure from the act itself. It just feels like a penis is going in and out..kinda like when somebody is rubbing your arm..there's nothing gratifying about it

and when I am having sex I tend to dry up because I am not aroused anymore. after awhile it gets really boring and i can't wait for it to be over with. if i could actually feel something i would be a bit more responsive and into the act

i went to a gyno, who was unprofessional. when i told her my problem she made a very smart remark in which she said, "what do you want me to do about it?" i'm already a bit embarassed as it is that i am telling her this and that remark only made it worse. later she went on to tell me that this is just how my body is made and to have oral sex all the time does she not realize that this is a problem and having oral sex is simply just masking it? i WANT to have sex and i do want to enjoy it. i would l ike to be able to have a healthy relationship that involves penetration.

anyway, i don't know what i sould do...mind you i am low income and if there is any treatment available for me it would have to be at low cost or none at all..

your help and support would be greatly appreciated

if you have a therapist I would talk to them about it. maybe they have some good advise on this.

I don't know where to find a therapist. I heard it costs money.

But if I were to get one, will it help me feel something during sex??

Amanda,

A therapist may be able to help you figure out whether or not there is a psychological basis for what is going on. You said that you had seen a gyno, albeit one that certainly wasn't very professional, so I assume they found nothing physically wrong down there or anything.

Keep in mind too that every female is different for what feels good - I have only ever orgasmed a handful of times with penetration, but I find if I have clitoral stimulation WITH penetration then I can, but it takes a long time. And I am alot better now than I used to be. I'm not sure what changed for me, other than getting older and being more comfortable with my partners.

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Rainbowzz said:
Amanda,

A therapist may be able to help you figure out whether or not there is a psychological basis for what is going on. You said that you had seen a gyno, albeit one that certainly wasn't very professional, so I assume they found nothing physically wrong down there or anything.

Keep in mind too that every female is different for what feels good - I have only ever orgasmed a handful of times with penetration, but I find if I have clitoral stimulation WITH penetration then I can, but it takes a long time. And I am alot better now than I used to be. I'm not sure what changed for me, other than getting older and being more comfortable with my partners.

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Honestly, I don't understand sex at all. I don't know what I am supposed to be feeling, i'm unsure if what I am feeling is normal or if it's not.

When you are having sex do you feel nothing at all until you have an orgasm? Or does the sex feel good and then you work youself up to an orgasm with clitoral stimulation??

Because I don't feel anything...the intercourse is not stimulating me at all. Clitoral stimulation is not enough to distract away from the discomfort I feel from vaginal penetration..

Well...you or he can stimulate the clitoris during intercourse. If you are on top, it's easily accessible and would likely make him pretty happy.

You could also introduce a vibrator into the scene for much more stimulation during intercourse.

Campy

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AmandaRaye said:

Honestly, I don't understand sex at all. I don't know what I am supposed to be feeling, i'm unsure if what I am feeling is normal or if it's not.

When you are having sex do you feel nothing at all until you have an orgasm? Or does the sex feel good and then you work youself up to an orgasm with clitoral stimulation??

Because I don't feel anything...the intercourse is not stimulating me at all. Clitoral stimulation is not enough to distract away from the discomfort I feel from vaginal penetration..

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Amanda, you say that you actually feel discomfort when having sex. This sends up a flag for me, and I wonder what kind of discomfort you are feeling. Mind you, remember I am no doctor, but just someone who has felt the same thing from time to time and especially in the past.

Is it an actually painful sensation you get, or is it more of just a general uncomfortable feeling?

As for normal, Im not sure there really is a normal.

For me, I find the initial penetration generally feels good for a minute or two, then I seem to numb up. Only missionary position with clitoral stimulation seems to be able to get me there, and even then not very often. It is frustrating that is for sure.

I don't have any definete answers for you as how to fix it, other than maybe searching yourself to see if there is perhaps a mental basis for what is going on - and of course, exploring yourself with or without the use of sexual aids can sometimes help. knowing your body and what you like better certainly can't hurt.

I feel a little strange offering advice since I'm a guy but, well, I've heard some excellent advice from sex therapists and so I'll pass it on. This may be useless. You'll have to decide for yourself.

I've heard many women need to find the right position to achieve clitoral stimulation during intercourse. They recommend communicating the problem with your partner and asking to play a little game in which you guide him.

If he's on top, grab his hips and move him around. Try changing your leg position to adjust the position of your pelvis. Try pulling him "up" a little so the penis is entering from a higher position. I'm told many women don't get much out of large thrusts so try pulling him deep inside and keeping him there so the two of you can more easily grind against each other. My wife particularly likes this approach as she then also gets to use her muscles to squeeze and generally drive me wild. Another bonus is that guys wont orgasm as quickly this way. Being on top is also a common cure for a lack of stimulation as you have more control of where contact is made.

So that's what I've learned and these techniques work for my wife.

There, now I'm embarrassed so I'll walk away.

Cyran0

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Rainbowzz said:
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AmandaRaye said:

Honestly, I don't understand sex at all. I don't know what I am supposed to be feeling, i'm unsure if what I am feeling is normal or if it's not.

When you are having sex do you feel nothing at all until you have an orgasm? Or does the sex feel good and then you work youself up to an orgasm with clitoral stimulation??

Because I don't feel anything...the intercourse is not stimulating me at all. Clitoral stimulation is not enough to distract away from the discomfort I feel from vaginal penetration..

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Amanda, you say that you actually feel discomfort when having sex. This sends up a flag for me, and I wonder what kind of discomfort you are feeling. Mind you, remember I am no doctor, but just someone who has felt the same thing from time to time and especially in the past.

Is it an actually painful sensation you get, or is it more of just a general uncomfortable feeling?

As for normal, Im not sure there really is a normal.

For me, I find the initial penetration generally feels good for a minute or two, then I seem to numb up. Only missionary position with clitoral stimulation seems to be able to get me there, and even then not very often. It is frustrating that is for sure.

I don't have any definete answers for you as how to fix it, other than maybe searching yourself to see if there is perhaps a mental basis for what is going on - and of course, exploring yourself with or without the use of sexual aids can sometimes help. knowing your body and what you like better certainly can't hurt.

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Initial penetration for me is painful. Then after he has been in there for awhile (he can't thrust at all if so it's very little) then my muscles relax and I can have sex but it has to be very very very slow in missionary.

The discomfort can either be a bit painful or just uncomfortable. It depends. Usually after awhile it goes away and I don't feel anything at all. Sometimes I wonder if I even have a penis inside of me --this is usually on top

you mentioned that you are dry at the point of penetration right? maybe try a lubricant. I know at times I have had that problem and some KY or something like that is really good for that. try not to use vaseline. yuck! ky is by far the best.

I use a lubricant and it helps with moisture but not at all with making my sexual experiences pleasureable)-:

i just want to feel like a woman. i don't feel complete. this is something that really bothers me. i'll even cry about it some times. i used to hate when my friend would bring up sex and how it felt good with her boyfriend, deep down i'd feel inferior. sometimes i don't even like to hear other women talking about sex and much they enjoy it. i just die inside like i am missing out on the best years of my life. i feel broken

I didn't enjoy sex until I got with the guy I'm with now. I'm 28 and started having sex at 21. I never had an orgasm during intercourse until the last 6 months. I had really thought I was a lost cause. In fact that was part of how I found PC way back when I joined before we even had this forum. Many women related, so you are definitely not alone.

Oh I should add too that I didn't feel any real excitement before either, and had to use lube. Now its all good, and we never need lube. I don't know if its just that I'm finally in love or what has changed....but I enjoy it so much now. I also used to always have to be intoxicated to have sex. Now I have it sober. So I don't know if that is a factor at all for you, but it played a big part for me.