Was I raped?

Here’s what happened. About five months ago, I stayed up all night because I couldn’t sleep. Around 5am, I started talking to a guy on OkCupid. By 5:30am, I was heading to his apartment. My intentions were to just smoke some weed with him, but not to have sex. I remember wearing sweatpants. As soon as I got there, he was very touchy. We started smoking, and we were listening to music. He kept touching me, and eventually started to kiss me. I was very high. I didn’t want to kiss, but I kissed him back anyways, figuring it would be easier. Soon he got more handsy. I didn’t say no. At some points I felt fear, and I wondered if he was secretly video taping us. I didn’t resist, though I almost said “stop” a few times. Eventually we moved to the bedroom, and there we had sex. He used a condom and lube, and started very gently. It felt really good; he was the best sex I’ve ever had. He fingered me, ate me out, penetrated me, kissed me, kissed my feet, and choked me. It all felt amazing. Even the choking, which he did without asking or me telling him it was okay. I’m pretty sure I orgasmed. If I did, it was the only time I ever have I think. I squirted anyways. When it happened I was afraid that he was mad that I’d peed. He said I had orgasmed though. Soon, he came inside his condom. We laid in bed for a few minutes, my head on his chest. I was scared to leave. He said I could sleep there. I said no. I asked to smoke more weed, so we did. Then he started to kiss me again. I said “I’m tired” but he continued to kiss me. When he began to take off my clothing again, I repeated that I was tired. He didn’t stop. Wanting to finish what was about to happen quite quickly, I said he didn’t have to make me come again. We had sex again. He almost didn’t use a condom - I had to remind him. He came quickly. Then I left, and I watched my back as I was leaving to make sure he wasn’t following me.

Immediately after it all happened, I felt nothing. No anger, sadness, shame, anything. I didn’t care. Later I felt some guilt, though I didn’t know why. Now, five months later, I feel longing. I want it to happen again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve pretty much always had a rape fantasy, but I thought that was just a fantasy. Not something I would actually want. But now that I think it did happen, at least possibly, I just want more. I know that’s horrible and wrong though.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. I guess I’d just like your opinions on if this was rape or not, and if the way I feel about it is okay or not. Thanks.