Sexuality Problem

I have Bad English so Please try to Understand me.
I grew up without Mother, since my mother and my father split. At age 5-6 my father work away, I was stay at home with my older brother wife, and I have 2 niece aged 2 and 3. since we live in same house, I grow up more like a girl, I remember some of my classmate said that I'm a gay but I was young that time and i just ignore it.

at age 9 i was grade 4 that time when i had a crush on this girl name gliane, i remember we play and we actually holding hands that time. that time i live with my father with my step mother, same as always my father always away because of work. at age 10 I start have this rare feeling whenever i hear justin beiber voice, "well i am not a fan, u just heard it in radio and etc" in my mind i always say, i wish that is my voice. still some still asking me if am i a gay? because i have very less male friends since i am so comfortable being with girls.

grade 7 when i start having friends with male, bisexual, gays since i was on a class that called SPA Special Program in the Arts where all people with talents are here, and in my room we are only 4 boys and more than 10 gays/bisexual, and around 20+ female. also i was close having girl friend that time or maybe, hehe because we love each other since grade 6. the thing is she is in a different school, we only see each other in school events, sometimes i go into her school and just say hello, that time we talk like matured, saying "u will be my gf/bf when we are older" since we are 13 years old.

at grade 8 everything change, lots of family problems, i run away home, i was so depress i was bully at school because i became addicted to video games, but i know my self why i became addicted because my father was sick, and i dont even know where is my mother and me and my step mom are not friends we are so enemies, so i run away home even though i dont know where to go. i remember sleeping at a church since i am a actor at school "theater arts" i have good acting and i also have innocent face. i live like 1-2 days at church when i saw my half brother in my mother side. for almost 9years i finaly see my mother "that time i was missing" until my mother go to my old school to get some requirements to transfer.

when i live with my mother i had a girl friend, we meet during amatured singing contest. we text and talk until we like each other, but it didnt last long since my i start to hate my mother because she is different, its like she protect her reputation. it happen when my mothers friend ask who i am, and she answer that im adopted.

that time i start playing video games again, until i run away from my mother and go back from my father. i was 15 years old when i became so depress like i wish i never born in this world. at age 15 i dont feel love or like/crush on a girl with same age as me, its like i more likely fall inlove in a adult woman. still nothing change some people still asking me if am i straight or not. when i try to look at my self and describe my self, i am talkative/chaty, no or less male friends, im skinny. at age 16 i start feeling different, its like i feel afraid or like i want to close my eyes when i look at a magazine that sells underwear, boxer for men,

i dont know why sometimes i feel like so nervouse but when i look at shirtless woman i feel like nothings its like its normal for me. also i started to like looking at my arms or body. also since 15 years old, my eyes is so attractive to cute kids (boy) and white people, but i never show it its like i can handle my self, i can control it, im fighting it. also at age 16 im already matured and i loss interest in having relationship, and i have that skill set where i can easily adjust in different situation like if im talking to a male/boy i can adjust, or if im talking to a girl/gay i can also adjust, and still i dont feel that im a gay, because when i try to compare my self to them, when a gay like someone they kinda show it, while me i just hide it. also im afraid to look at the eye, like I cant really look at the person that attract me specially in the eye,

now im 18 i am so confuse with my sexuality, i dont have interested having a relationship with a woman, but im so friendly with them like i treat them as my older os younger sister. yes i think i like men, also im afraid buying my own underwear, i dont play basketball, i dont drink, i dont smoke. Can someone help me? some advice about my condition? i have a very emotional and very critical mental health when i was 15-16 i try to suicide once but i was afraid, and im lucky that i dont drink. I also have lots of family problem, since i feel like i born in this world by accident.

Hi KiddoGaddi!

It sounds like you're having a bit of a sexuality crisis; lots of people go through them, sometimes it happens at a younger age, sometimes older. But either way, it is entirely normal for this to happen.

Here is the thing: sexuality is absolutely 100% FLUID. In other words, you can be gay, mostly. But, you can still like the occasional girl!

Someone can be straight their whole lives; and then meet ONE man who they fall in love with and are attracted to.

I guess my point is, that don't let labels like "gay, straight, etc." rule your life. Just kind of take life in stride, and if you like someone, then go for it! Don't worry about what gender they are or what that makes you- if you are attracted then dudes, awesome! Girls too, but not as often? Cool! Not attracted to girls at all? Yay!

Just do what you want- society has put too much importance on what we "label" ourselves as, when in the end, it just doesn't matter.

I am a girl who is in a long term-relationship with another girl, and am happier than I have ever been! But I have been in relationships with men too, but, simply put, do not find them nearly as attractive.

I find putting labels on myself is silly, but if anyone asks, I just say i'm pansexual leaning towards girls. c:

Feel free to message me if you'd like!