Understanding about Childhood/Adult Sexual Feelings

Anyhow, I had an abundance of this curiosity, and feeling I would get in trouble with people my age or older, I turned to my young cousin (6-7 year age difference) to explore this. I would ask questions about her vagina, and would want to see it. Very exploratory in nature, and not predatory at all (at least, with how I felt about it). I'd also asked other girls (similar age) to play doctor and things like that. Anyhow, at a later point (I was about 11 or 12) I had been babysitting this cousin and had been asking questions about her body again, and I guess I was a bit too persistent and made her feel uncomfortable. She told her dad, and he got upset with me about a week later. He didn't shout or anything, but I could tell he was pretty mad.

After that, I felt like garbage about myself anytime I felt this sexual curiosity/excitement around younger girls. I felt that I was sick and disgusting. About the same time, I also found porn, which I'm sure further messed with my perception. However, I still felt this curiosity, and still acted upon it with younger girls in my life. I would get them to show me things in roundabout ways (without pressuring them though), and once even licked a girl's pants at the crotch. I also masturbated to thoughts of sexual acts with these girls. Every time I would do something like this, I would feel immediately shameful afterwards, and this shame would feel worse every time. I stopped doing anything like this about the age of 17, and I definitely don't have any kind of sexual attraction to young girls. I know all of these girls still, and am certain that any of these actions caused no impact in their lives.

Another area that has troubled me is fantasies about family members and an attraction to incest porn. I know for a fact that I don't hold an attraction to any family members, but I feel sick with the idea that these types of thoughts/videos get me off. The family fantasies used to happen often, and are now few and far in-between. Maybe they could be related to sexual feelings I had when I was younger; potentially something about security or safety or something like that.