Learning how to be alone

I recently posted about coming out/ thinking I was a lesbian. Well, it's either that or bisexual, and it hasn't changed. I don't feel comfortable with getting involved with a woman, but have sometimes ended up sleeping with a guy when I feel lonely, but I don't even like sex; it's just having a close cuddle and the feeling of being desired I liked. In fact, sex is painful, but once I have cuddled the guy and his hands have wandered which I like too tbh, I know I can't say no (I know some might argue this isn't really sexual consent but I don't want to get into it now, as it is in the past and it was my choice to let him do so).

I will not get into this situation again as it's not fair on the guy and doesn't help me ultimately either. As I have no real desire to be involved with a woman, and get lonely, but just like close cuddles, I know I have to be on my own, but I am afraid of it. How do others deal with these feelings of loneliness? Is there anyone else in a similar situation (not necessarily sexuality wise, just celibate and knowing they have to be on their own but finding it difficult at times)?

I know I've done wrong in the past but I can't change it, am trying to move forward and put it behind me.

I've suffered with impotence issues for most of my adult life, and this has been a constant obstacle to experiencing sustained physical intimacy, including simple affections - such as cuddling and hugs. Many people are generous with their affections, but being dysfunctional limited several of my past relationships, and sometimes ended them, leaving me to feel broken, discarded, and too flawed to be loved. That is a very lonely feeling.

Sorry to hear that. NightNotes, I can relate.. hugs.

I have heard of an organization called Cuddle Parties (I think it originated in the South of the US) and they are just that - cuddle parties with no sex. I think you can start with one and find like-minded people who would be willing to engage in exactly the kind of affectionate close touch relationship that you want without anything sexual that you do not want. I also would encourage you to use the internet otherwise on your own, posting about your specific personality, needs and wants, and gifts that you have to offer - you very well might find like-minded souls. There are many lonely people eager to find affection, and many generous people eager to give of themselves too. With the connectivity of today, you will find what you need.

NightNotes - same for you. Really sorry to hear your heartbreaking story.