I feel like losing control and I might need help but don’t know how to ask it

(I’m 14 years old almost 15)
I thought problems I had sometime ago were in the past but now they’ve come again and I think they’re strongly than ever and maybe evolving into something else.
I think I should give an introduction to what I’m talking about here:
In some of the posts I made I talked about my apparent obsession with being a pedophile or sexual assaulter but those were just thoughts. I had them I learnt to accept them and eventually ignore them but it was for a short period of time until they started again. I’m feeling really anxious again and it scares me, I’m scared of myself, I’m scared of living and I’m scared of the future.
Now that the thoughts have come again I fear I may have a serious problem that could put others in danger but I don’t want to cause trouble.
My problems are related to sexual feelings or “impulses”, I really do not know how to call them but before I start to explain I warn people that this is about pedophilia and sexual assault things so if you are sensitive with this topics don’t read this.
My problems are:
I fear that I may like children in a real way like actually like them because when I see them I get anxiety of touching them, or my hand touching them and me not being able to stop it. Like if the fact that I could touch them was an “accident” but deep down I wanted to touch them. Sometimes I doubt if what I did was something a pedophile would do for example: today I saw a girl in the bathroom and I avoid being in the girls bathroom because I could look somewhere and I wouldn’t like that (I don’t know if you get what I mean) and this girl was washing her hands, i was also washing my hands, the moment I dried them in my pants I think I may have touched the girl but I don’t know if I did touch her or not. I cannot tell wether what I did was real and it if it was if it was an accident or I did it on purpose.
I have trouble with girls as well (grown up girls like my age) sometimes I look at their butt or breasts but I don’t know why I just do that or feel like I want to touch them but I don’t do that because it’s bad obviously, the worst thing of this is that this is not only with girls my age but with kids too. I’m tired of this ******** I wish I could finish it, I wish I could feel like I’m in control and distinguish when something happened or not. I need help cause I can’t tell if what I do is real or not. I feel like losing control, I fear that someday I will actually do things on purpose and that I’ll be conscious about that.
Sorry the post was too long but I needed to tell this to someone, I can’t keep it anymore.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I think the most important thing you wrote here may be what you wrote last: "I needed to tell this to someone, I can’t keep it anymore." As much as one might want to, a person can't keep this sort of thing bottled up. Even if you can not act on any of the thoughts you're having, the anxiety of carrying this around will, I fear, wear on you over time. I think, in some way or other, you may have to find a way to talk with someone in real life about all of this. I'm sure that seems like a really scary thing to do. But I don't know how you get past it otherwise. (By the way, your post wasn't too long.) My best wishes to you...